Work this afternoon

Work today was good. I managed to get through to almost everyone. Everyone was mostly in a good mood. There were one or two who were feeling down or not feeling great physically. Makes you think, when they say things to you like that they feel down or are not in good physical health. At least I have my health. I am lucky in that way. I might be depressed but I am healthy which I should be grateful for.
I am almost done now. I am still in the office but am finishing up soon. I am starving so cant wait to go back to my moms and eat my chicken stir fry.
Then mom and me have to go to the grocery store to get some more fruit, water and something for tomorrows dinner. I fancy some steak so I might buy a steak. We’ll see. If not then I will probably buy some chicken or something.
I feel a little bit brighter now though. Mood wise I feel a little better. Things are looking up. I am so happy that they are looking up now.

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In the office

I just got hto the office. One of my colleagues that isnt normally here is here. So we chatted for a few minutes. She’s so nice. She is the one who actually got me involved in the friendly call service. When I started working here i used to do reception work. I jused to do more office type work, and then Brenda asked me if I’d like to go full time on friendly call. So I did.

I’m feeling somewhat better than I have been feeling. I made a pot of vegetable soup this morning, and I had it for lunch. And mom is making a stir fry for dinner, a chicken stir fry.

So I am totally back on track with my weight loss, well I hope I am. I’m eating tons of fruit, drinking tons of water, and making good food choices too.

Hoping my mood is going to stay up this afternoon, especially since I have to be oh the phone with clients. I am going to try my hardest to keep on going, and stay positive.

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The crap feeling continues

Well, I still am feeling really bad this morning. I ended up going to bed at 7 Pm last night. I read my book for a while, cuddled with nitro, and then went to sleep. Surprisingly I did sleep. I slept well and didn’t wake until 8 this morning.

Despite everything I decided I am still going to go volunteering today. I need to be out of the house. Going is going to help me I think. Helping others distracts me from my own thoughts. And it feels good to actually be helping others.

My supervisor is going to pick me up at 1:30 this afternoon.

I just wish my mood would lift a little. I really am feeling awful. I feel tense, anxious, and overwhelmed.

Its a horrible place to be in. Thanks to everyone for all of the support. Your all amazing and I truly appreciate it.

Anyone lend an ear?

Anyone around?

I could use a friend, and a little bit of support.

I feel like crap. I am not ok. Negative thoughts are running rampant in my head.

Its not good. All the whatifs keep running around ug sigh!

I am not having a good evening!

I feel so depressed. Last night one of our kids, lexi, was feeling like self harming. She didn’t, thank god! But she was struggling so much and she ended up emailing Eileen.

I think this depression is partly down to the time of year.

I felt ok at work earlier, don’t know why it changed! All I can think is how absolutely shit this feeling is.

If anyone is around please can you send me a bit of encouragement! I could use it!

Woke up feeling awful

I WOKE UP FEELING AWFUL. I THINK ITS THE FACT THAT THE SPRING EQUANOX JUST PASSED. I AM A SRA SURVIVOR, SRA STANDS FOR SATANIC RITUAL ABUSE, WE SURVIVED BEING IN A CULT FOR 11 YEARS. BEING IN THAT CULT WAS HELL. THEY TURN EVERYTHING ON ITS HEAD. GOOD DAYS ARE BAD. SPECIAL DAYS ARE MADE INTO DAYS OF TERROR. ALL HOLIDAYS ARE JUST SO AWFUL.
THIS MORNING I FEEL NUMB. I TRIED TO NAME MY FEELINGS BUT I CANT. I CANT GO THERE RIGHT NOW. I FEEL NUMB AND THERE IS A DULL ACHE IN THE PIT OF MY STOMACH.
I WANT TO CRY, SCREAM, BUT I CANT. IM JUST AN UNFEELING MESS. TO FEEL IS TOO TERRIFYING.
I TOOK A SHOWER, MADE SOME TEA, AND ATE SOMETHING. THAT HAS HELPED A LITTLE. I THINK I NEED TO TAKE THINGS EASY THIS MORNING. NOT DO TOO MUCH. JUST GO SLOW. REMIND MYSELF THAT THINGS WILL CHANGE, AS THEY ALWAYS DO.
WE’RE GOING VOLUNTEERING LATER. CAROL ANNE WILL GO. I’M GOING TO STAY INSIDE I THINK. IT IS BEST IF I DO THAT.
FOR NOW THOUGH I’M GOING TO VEG IN FRONT OF THE TV.
LIZ

Healing thought for Thursday

Before you begin a thing, remind yourself that difficulties and delays quite impossible to foresee are ahead…You can only see one thing clearly, and that is your goal. Form a mental vision of that and cling to it through thick and thin.
Kathleen Norris

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I had a gain this week

Well guys…it was a bad result tonight at slimming world.
I had a gain, quite a big one too. I gained 3 pounds. I was expecting it though. I knew I’d probably be up since I was eating very unhealthy when I was away in the UK last week.
I was very disappointed, but I am determined to turn it around. I set my target for next week to lose 3 pounds and if I can lose even more than that I will be ecstatic.
If I do all the right things this week, really pull back, watch everything I am eating, drink plenty of water, exercise, i can do it I think.
I can and I will! I am determined!
I’m still down 2 stone 1 pounds though since I started! Woohoo! Thats 29 pounds for my US readers!
More than half way to losing 50 pounds! I think thats really fab!

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