well, It wasnt the insiders parts, it was me!

I gave in. I emailed Eileen. I had to. I felt like I was going to drown in emotion. I knew if I emailed her it would feel better. I would feel better. So I gave in and I emailed. And I am glad I did that. At least now she will know how much I am missing her and how much I really feel like I need her. This is what I said in the email.
I miss you. And I wish I could talk to you. And I need a hug. That is all. I just need you.
Carol anne

Whether she responds or not it is fine. I’ve told her. And that is the most important part. I used my words even if it was just in an email. I am feeling a little more centred now, more grounded. Just initiating that contact with her has helped us to stabilise. So glad for that fact. I kind of hope I do get a response but I am not going to think about it now because then I will start to feel young and vulnerable and sad. So for now just knowing I did something for both myself and the young parts of me helps.