I had some sad news today. I was working and making my calls, I had a new list of clients to call this week, so I got to one lady, we’ll call her R. I rang R’s number, and her son answered. He told me R passed away yesterday. She’d been very sick for a long time, and she’d been in hospital for about a year, but he said she came home last Tuesday from the hospital. She died peacefully at home. It was a huge shock. R was so lovely. She loved the chat and would always look forward to our call every day. I felt so sad upon hearing the news. I spoke a little to her son and told him what a character she was. I think he felt better talking to me. I told him I’d tell the supervisor and that she’d be in touch. Its going to be a big loss. I felt so sad all day after hearing this news. It really shook me up. Its part of my job, I mean its happened before that clients have passed away, and it never gets any easier to hear it. I hope R is at peace now. I’ve been thinking about her all afternoon, she’s been in my thoughts and I said a prayer for her family and especially her son who I spoke to today. Its just so so hard to lose one of my clients. It made Monday very hard for me.
I found out about an hour ago that my gran aunt, who is my dads aunt, his moms sister, passed away.
She had COPD, and she was on oxygen 24 7, she recently got pneumonia, and she was hospitalised and she just never recovered from it.
She was 79 years old. She died last night in the hospital.
Please if you could send healing energy, thoughts and prayers to my family, I’d really appreciate it.
Its hard for her family with it being so close to christmas. Christmas is never a good time to lose someone. But then again, no time is ever a good time.
Into the darkness
And my minds
I just finished an amazing book, by a wonderful author, Cathy broomfield. She wrote a memoir, about losing not one, but two daughers.
One of her daughters was murdered by her husband, and the other one, died of heartbreak after losing her little sister.
Its a shocking account, and heartbreaking. However Cathy is raw, and very honest, and I have to say it moved me, the details of her daughter Kirstys murder are shocking though, not for the faint hearted, so do be aware of that if you read this book.
Its a pretty short read, in audio its just over 3 and a half hours in length. I read it in one sitting.
I was hooked right from the start!
Its available in audio from audible, on kindle, and in paperback from all good bookstores or from amazon.
I will put a description of the book below. Please do check it out.
Cathy Broomfields youngest daughter, Kirsty, disappeared, Cathy hoped she had gone to stay with friends, to escape her brutal and bullying husband. But as the days passed with no word from Kirsty, a loving daughter who spoke to her mum every day, Cathy became increasingly anxious…until the day the police arrived at her door to tell her they had found a body. Her worst fears had been realised.
Through a Mothers Tears is the poignant and heartbreaking story of how Cathy lost not only Kirsty, her youngest daughter, but Kirstys big sister, Hayley, who died of heartbreak when the agony of her baby sisters loss became too much to bear. This harrowing audiobook will appeal to listeners of The Hospital and Cathy Glass.
bookblogger, abuse, domestic violence, healing, loss]
dangling from a ledge
my place of safety
not too far off
yet not quite on
i wish to die
an easy death
a fast death
let me fall
know i will not call out
i accept my fait
I am spiraling out of control. I feel really down and depressed. It has come on me all of a sudden. I woke with nightmares, and it went from there. Right now I want to just end it. I feel so bad. Dont worry, I probably wont do anything stupid, mainly because, I am seeing dr. barry this morning. I feel so bad though. The suicidal thoughts are so strong. They are overwhelming me. I am trying everything to feel better. Nothings working. I just feel like total shit right now. Thank god for dr. barry. I will talk to her today and see what she says. I know some of this is down to some alters struggling, they’ve been struggling, emily has, and liz has, but they’ve been trying to stay strong, its so hard for emily, she’s only a kid only 12. She worries me, as in the past she’s tried overdosing many, many times. I get worried when she is struggling. It frightens me that we could attempt it. Liz frightens me too, as she self harms, and cutting is her main form of self harm, so when she struggles with suicidal ideation, it can be dangerous for us. Its a pity eileen is not around, we could really use her support right now. I am thankful that we can be honest with dr. barry though, that helps. I am so glad we have her. Maybe Emily and Liz might either talk directly to her today, or else maybe if they are feeling up to it they’ll write something later on today on the blog.
For now though, I am not sure what to do. I feel emotional, overwhelmed, agitated, and not in the least bit strong.
in the darkness
fear grips me
i feel sick
what to do
what do i do?
suddenly it hits me
stuck in a memory
it threatens to engulf me
bringing me to my knees
tears begin to fall
i want out!
out of this pain!
i want an end to it!
the memory threatens to swallow me whole
where do I go?