It doesn’t take 45 minutes to get a dog ready to go outside in the winter.
Dogs cannot lie.
Dogs never resist nap time.
You don’t need to get extra phone lines for a dog.
Dogs don’t pester you about getting a kid.
Dogs don’t care if the peas have been touched by the mashed potatoes.
Dogs are housebroken by the time they are 12 weeks old.
Your dog is not embarrassed if you sing in public.
Average cost of sending a dog to school: $42
Average cost of sending a kid: $103,000
Hope this gets to the list.
Dogs and Computers – Same or Different
Method used to end undesirable behavior
Dogs: hit with rolled up newspaper
Computers: hit control-alt-delete
After destruction of personal property
Dogs: dog not found
Computers: file not found
Dogs: roll over
Computers: play dead
Fun way to mess with their heads
Dogs: peanut butter on roof of mouth
Computers: peanut butter in CD-ROM drive
Consequence of virus
Dogs: replace valuable carpeting
Computers: replace valuable data
Waste disposal tool
Sensitive internal procedures
Dogs: must be undertaken by fully qualified professional
Computers: may be undertaken by that guy at work who fixed one kind of
Method of marking territory
Dogs: lifting leg
Computers: “Designed for Windows”
Dogs: lick and drag
Inexplicable physical feature
Computers: scroll lock key
Dogs: 12 years
Computers: 12 months
One of our littles Darina, whose six, never ceases to amaze me. She’s so spontaneous with her hugs. Tonight she came up to me and wrapped her little arms around me, and hugged me hard!
“I love you, Carol anne”! She said!
Now can I have some marshmallows?
Typical six year old! She loves me but she loves marshmallows more!
Honestly though? She is an alter who was created to be the happy kid, the normal one in an abnormal world and in an abnormal situation.
She is a hugger, and she is very affectionate!
I love that about her!
She doesn’t hold any trauma! Although at times she can be sad, it is mainly when some of the other littles aren’t ok, that makes her nervous, and unhappy.
I love her cuteness, she is sooo cute!
She just says things as she sees them!
And btw?? She got her wish and was granted a hot chocolate with marshmallows in it!
For those of you who are reading this until can’t see the photo it says I found the key to happiness, surround yourself with animals and stay away from idiots. Isn’t that so true?
Madness Of The English Language
English is the most widely used language in the history of our planet. One in every 7 humans can speak it. More than half of the world’s books and 3 quarters of international mail is in English. Of all the languages, it has the largest vocabulary – perhaps as many as 2 MILLION words. Nonetheless, let’s face it, English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb thru annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, isn’t a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.