Eileens so good to us

Eileen is so amazing. She has been so supportive to us while we were in the UK.
She said before I went that I could text her. So I did. I texted her on Sunday night, before I went to bed. I told her about how much I was struggling. I wasnt looking for a response, I was basically just sending her an update.
On monday morning, the day of the funeral, she texted me a sweet message, saying that she knew I was on route to the funeral now, but that she was sending me her love and support, and telling me that if I needed to talk to her to call her, that she’d be available at 10 Pm that evening, as she was teaching a class that evening.
I was so grateful for that supportive message. I read it when I got back to the afters of the funeral. I was so touched by her sweet message, I felt so cared for by her.
And we did talk that evening. I rang her and we talked about the day. She was still in college when I rang, but she still took my call, we talked for about 15 minutes.
She told me to try to practice self care, and to take good care, and if I needed to to just send her another message, but I didnt have to do that. I figured I could wait until I saw her to talk to her.
I feel so blessed to have such an incredibly caring therapist. She really is such a sweetheart to do all that she does for us. We appreciate her so, so much.

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Cousins funeral

The funeral all went off ok. We’re home now. It was a lovely day. Very long day though.
Our cousin got a fantastic send off. She was cremated. But first there was a church service. The service was beautiful. Her daughter read a piece and it made me cry it was so beautiful.
She came to the church in a carriage, with two horses pulling it, her body was in a glass carriage, and a black and a white horse pulled it.
Her mom and dad were devastated. So, so devastated. Her son whose in prison was there, but he was handcuffed to a guard. I still got to hug him though.
The music in the church was lovely. And also at the crematorium. It was really lovely. Her family put flowers on her coffin, and as they did that a song played in the background.
We all cried buckets of tears. It was just so sad.
After the funeral was finished we went back to a nice hall and ate some food and had drinks. Then we all came back to our aunts house. The family have just all gone home a few minutes ago.
I’m so glad everything went off ok. At the afters alisons daughter jade let balloons go, with messages from her grandkids pinned on to them. More tears were shed then but it was just a really sweet thing for her daughter jade to do for her.
Her mom and dad are devastated, her mom was begging them not to close the curtains in the crematorium, they didnt as jade had requested them not to, but her mom didnt know that, and she got herself in a terrible state because she didnt want Alison to be taken away to be burned.
It has been an incredibly sad day. But she had a nice turnout, a nice send off, and everything went smoothly.
And thats all any of us could have asked for.

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4 AM wakeup

woke up at 4 AM, was unable to go back to sleep. So I am up now. Probably for the day.
My aunt and uncle are also up. Dont think they are very ok think they are worrying about today and what it will bring.
I might go down stairs now and have a cuppa. I need it.
I feel very off. The sleep I did get was broken.
Looks like its going to be a long day!

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Things here are going ok i guess. nothing to really report, we ate dinner, my uncle cooked, we had lovely bacon and cabbage, mashed potatos and peas. it was really nice. we enjoyed the food as we were really hungry by the time we ate.
my cousins came over, my aunts other 3 children. they ate with us, and then they went to the hall that is booked for tomorrow for the afters of the funeral, there will be food and stuff laid on, so they went and fixed up the room, decorated it with collages of pictures of my cousin.
My aunt said she is dreading tomorrow. She seems to be ok and holding up, but you can tell things are extremely hard for her.
Same with my uncle, he’s trying hard, but his grief is showing.
We’ll have an early start tomorrow morning. The funeral is at 11:30 but we have to leave the house early, my aunt said there is going to be around 160 people at the funeral.
Hoping it all goes off ok. Dreading it if I am honest. I dont particularly do well at funerals at the best of times.
If you can, send good thoughts vibes etc. to us.

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Rang my aunt. Sorted out about the alcohol problem

so i did it, i rang my aunt. mom asked me to do it as she felt unable to do it herself. i rang, and i told her we couldnt bring her any vodka, i told her that we were only checking in one bag, and we werent allowed to bring it on bord the plane.

she tried to tell me I could just buy it on bord, but I quickly told her we couldnt, that there is no more duty free now when you travel from ireland to the UK. I dont know if thats completely true or not, but I just told her that, just so she’d leave it be about the alcohol.

And she did. She didnt pressure us, she said it was fine, and she’d have to do without it.

She said she’s not coping. She said she’s suffering badly. Our cousins body is now in the funeral parlour, on respose. Our aunt said her husband and daughters went today to see her, but she didnt go as she felt unable to see her lying there in the funeral parlour.

She seems ok with the fact we arent going to do what she asked. mom said she was probably chancing her arm in asking us, as she knows she’s not allowed it in the house and if her husband knew there’d be war. he’d have a fit. she knows this and she probably thought with what happened and her daughters death that we’d just cave in and do what she asked.

i’m glad we sorted it now. we were both feeling weird about being there. just because she’d done this. now i feel much more at eas. i feel happier about going now. i feel like things will go off ok.

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We’ve decided…and we had a change of heart about going to my cousins funeral

Well mom and I had a long talk this morning, and we made a final decision about going to the funeral this weekend. And we are going to go. We thought it would be the best thing to do, we just arent going to bring my aunt any alcohol. We are going to call her tomorrow and tell her that we are unable to bring it on bord the aeroplane, which isnt a lie, as we cant and arent allowed to carry alcohol on the plane.
I feel better now that I know we are definitely going. I also feel like I’ll get to say a proper goodbye to my cousin which is what I wanted to do all along.
My mom said she’s happy too with our decision. And she said she’s not going to change her mind again, I told her if we’re going she needs to be definite about it, as I have to sort out with my college lecturers about doing my presentation when I return.
So thats where things are at right now. I thought last night we’d be better off not going at all, but now I am glad we slept on it and I am glad we are going to go.

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Change of plan…probably wont be going to england for my cousins funeral

Looks like I might not be going to the UK for my cousins funeral after all. Mom and me had a long talk, and we’ve decided that we may just not go. The reason is this. My aunt, thats our cousins mom, she called us yesterday, asked us to bring her over a bottle of vodka, she’s an alcoholic, but she has been off of the vodka for a while now. She knows we’re coming, and now she’s asked us to buy it for her, saying she is going to find the funeral hard to cope with. The thing is her husband doesnt know she’s asked us. She waited until he was out to ring us. Thats because she knows he wouldnt be at all pleased. If he knew she’d done this there would be trouble. Mom and me dont want to go over there and end up looking disrespectful, or look bad because we’ve brought it to her. Her daughters and son would be so angry, and rightly so. We dont want to do this at all. Mom doesnt want to tell her that we dont want to do it though. She is scared I think. Scared of what she’ll say to us. So mom has decided that if we dont go, she’ll just tell her that she’s ill and we cant come. I know its hiding the truth, and it would be better if we could tell the truth, and say she’s put us under pressure, but we just dont feel able to do it. We havent fully decided yet, but by tomorrow we will decide one way or the other. We’ve already booked our flights, so we’re going to lose that money if we dont go. We really cant go with this hanging over us though. What if she had it and drinks it on the day of the funeral like she’s planning to do. She’ll be drunk, and when she’s drunk she’s not very nice. The fact that she hasnt had any vodka in a while, means it will go to her head quicker. We dont want her husband to be mad at us. Or say we’re disrespecting his dead daughter, by bringing alcohol to his wife. So its best we just dont go. Sad to have to do it but its necessary. Definitely now its looking likely that we wont be going. But if we do decide to go, we’ll just not take any alcohol to her, I am pretty sure though mom doesnt want to have that confrontation with my aunt. Mom hates conflict of any kind. She’d rather avoid it if possible. If we dont end up going, I’ll just think of my cousin alison on Monday morning, at the time her funeral is on. Maybe I can light a candle for her or something to show her I’m thinking of her and I can also say prayers for her.

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