My weight is such an issue, ug

So I am feeling very apprehensive. I am due to see my nutritionist this morning. Her name is karen. I kind of dont want to go. I think I am going to be up this week. I had a pretty bad week food wise, and I hardly did any exercise. I keep saying I will try harder with exercising. My motivation just isnt there. I know I need to do exercise in order to lose the weight. But things always seem to get in my way. I always seem to be so busy, or tired, or something. It really sucks. Its been two weeks since I had an appointment with Karen. I am hoping for a miracle but to be honest I doubt that will happen. I think I’m definitely gonna be either up or stay the same. If I stay the same I wont mind. I dont want to be up though. That will be so disheartening if I am. It will probably make me depressed. I hate that my weight is such a struggle for me. I hate that I have issues with that and have to deal with it on an ongoing basis. I always feel so bad about myself knowing that I am fat. It isnt a nice feeling. I really need to stop thinking about it now it is making me feel triggered. Will let you all know later this morning how it went. wish me luck because I need it.