Well it’s that time of the week again. Time to go get weighed. Hopefully I’ll be down. I’m staying positive. I’ve done my best. Wish me luck guys 😜
I swear guys I haven’t had a minute to myself all morning, I was at college this morning, just finished about 20 minutes ago. Just had enough time to go to my parents and have some lunch. This afternoon I am seeing Doctor Barry. I am looking forward to seeing her. Then this evening I have to go to slimming world. So I barely have a minute to myself to breathe. But I like being busy, it keeps me distracted, I like to have things to do. I’m glad I’m busy. I should be able to write later, later this afternoon I mean. I have some news that I need to tell you all. Something that happened to me yesterday when I was at volunteering, but I will post more about that later. Anyway I just thought I’d check in and let people know that I’m still around, still alive, and I’m okay.
TO MY EMOTIONAL EMAIL WHERE I BASICALLY TOLD HER I WAS FAILING AT THERAPY! SHE RESPONDED, AND SHE SAID WE ARENT! I LOVE HOW ATTUNED SHE IS TO US! SHE ALWAYS KNOWS WHEN TO RESPOND AND WHEN ONE IS WARRANTED! THANKS EILEEN! I LOVE YOU!
Hi Everyone, I am sorry to hear that you got the impression that I was mad at you or that I thought you were doing badly in therapy. I apologise if I sounded critical. I actually think you are doing very well in therapy! It isnt a case of if I feel bad Im not doing well in therapy. I totally understand that when we are beginning to open up and talk, feelings and all sorts of reactions come with that. It is a delicate balance of doing a little, then letting it settle.
I do hear how much I mean to you, rest assured that I am on this journey with you in all the ups and downs.
So its midnight. I am not able to sleep tonight. I think I been binge watching too much Netflix, lol. I am not able to switch off now. I was watching 13 reasons why. I watched one episode of that, and the other thing I was watching was fuller house. I just put on the radio, and turned off my tv. So hoping that is going to help. I have been reading email and blogs. That is keeping me busy while I cant sleep. I am anxious about therapy tomorrow morning. I know we have a lot to work on. Some insiders are really struggling, and we need to do some work with them to make sure they are ok and we don’t have a repeat of this weekend next week or during this week. I’d prefer to be stable if I could, thank you very much. So the plan is go in and work on some deep issues, and inside issues, and hope we can come up with some answers, and maybe a solution or two to the problem of memories hitting us hard, and overwhelming us. Other than therapy tomorrow morning, I have no plans for tomorrow. I am thinking if I don’t sleep much tonight, that when I get home from therapy tomorrow I can nap. I mostly always nap anyway after therapy. I am always so drained after it. I plan to come home, eat and then go for a nap and maybe read for a while. If this anxious feeling would just go away I’d be able to sleep, probably. I made a cup of hot chocolate for the kids. I can feel some of the youngest insiders in the system stirring. They aren’t feeling great tonight, so I made hot chocolate for them with marshmallows in it. That seems to make them happy so that is good. I am glad something is making them feel good. Well I’d better get going now, and hope I sleep soon.
Good night all!
So I went to bed super early last night. I wasn’t feeling good so I called it a night at around 8 PM.
And I am glad I did! I slept well! I slept for an hour, then woke up when my dad brought nitro in to me at 9 but I was able to go back to sleep again.
I then slept straight through until 5 AM. Now Its almost 6 AM and I am awake and feeling great.
My mood feels a lot better than it felt yesterday. I am not feeling suicidal. I feel much happier.
I’ll be going home to my own house today, my sister will drop me, she is going to fix up my new TV, I got a new 40 inch tv, she has to fix it up, tune it in and then I can plug in my apple TV and stream netflicks on it.
anyone got any recommendations for a good series to start watching?
Today I am not sorry I have a mental illness. I didn’t ask for it. I have it and so be it. I am so pleased I was strong enough to cope with my abuse by dissociating and creating alters. If I didn’t do that, I might be dead now. I most likely wouldn’t have survived the abuse at all.
There is something to be said for resilience, and doing something creative to cope. I am glad I have so much resilience in me. For that, I am grateful.
Things I am doing for self care today…to help me feel better…
Reading a book
Relaxing in a bubble bath
Snuggling with my puppy
Eating healthy wholesome food
Watching inspirational and motivational videos
Chatting with family memembers
Drinking a hot cup of tea
Putting on nice lotion