Caring, is it bad?

THERAPY YESTERDAY WAS SO TOUGH. I MANAGED TO COME OUT AND TALK THOUGH. THAT WASNT EASY. I KEPT FINDING THAT I WAS DISSOCIATING, IT WAS SO HARD TO STAY PRESENT. EILEEN HELPED ME A LOT TO STAY WITH HER, STAY IN THE ROOM. I KEPT FLOATING AWAY, OR BEING UNABLE TO TALK. SHE WAS GREAT. SHE HELPED ME FIND WORDS FOR MY DISTRESS. BASICALLY, IT TURNS OUT THAT IM FINDING IT VERY HARD SINCE I STARTED HAVING FEELINGS OF CARING ABOUT THE KIDS INSIDE WITH US. I WAS ALWAYS TOLD BY MY ABUSERS THAT IF I CARED ABOUT THINGS, OR PEOPLE, THAT IT WAS BAD. THAT CARING HURTS. I SHOULDNT CARE. I SHOULD JUST DENY THAT I CARE. WHICH I’VE MOSTLY ALWAYS DONE. ITS EASIER TO SAY I DONT CARE, IT HURTS LESS THEN WHEN THINGS GO WRONG. I FOUND IT SO HARD TO ADMIT THIS TO EILEEN. I EVENTUALLY DID ADMIT IT TO HER THOUGH. AND WE TALKED IT THROUGH. EILEEN WAS VERY UNDERSTANDING. SHE TOTALLY SAID SHE GOT IT. SHE GOT WHY IT WAS EASIER NOT TO CARE. I TOLD HER I FELT GOOD FEELINGS NOW TOWARDS THE KIDS, I FELT PROTECTIVE OF THEM, AND NICE FUZZY WARM FEELINGS WHEN I THINK OF THEM. I TOLD HER THAT ITS SO HARD FOR ME TO CARE ABOUT PEOPLE. SHE GENTLY TOLD ME THAT THE KIDS WERE ME, AT A YOUNGER AGE, NOT SEPARATE PEOPLE, THAT EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE PARTS, THEY ARE PARTS OF ME, WE’RE SHARING A BODY, ALL OF WHICH I KNEW ALREADY, BUT I GUESS IT DIDNT HURT TO HEAR IT AGAIN. SOMETIMES I FORGET WE’RE SHARING ONE BODY. IT IS GOOD TO BE REMINDED OF IT I GUESS. I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO FEEL. OR WHETHER I SHOULD NOW CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO US, OR CARE ABOUT OTHERS. I TOLD EILEEN I CARE ABOUT HER, AND THATS SO HARD. I CARE AND WORRY ABOUT HER. I NEVER WORRIED ABOUT ANYONE EVER. NOT ON THE OUTSIDE. IS THIS PROGRESS? I AM NOT SURE. MAYBE IT IS. I JUST FEEL VERY EMOTIONAL THIS PAST WEEK. ALL THIS HAS REALLY BEEN STIRRED UP. NOT JUST FOR ME, BUT I AM HAVING TO DEAL WITH IT SINCE I’VE BEEN OUT MORE THIS PAST WEEK. ACTUALLY IN THE PAST TWO WEEKS. THE LAST TWO THERAPY SESSIONS, I’VE COME OUT AND SPOKEN FOR A GROUP OF US DARKS. EILEEN SAID SHE REALLY APPRECIATES WORKING WITH US. SHE SAID ITS IMPORTANT TO HER, THAT WE’RE IMPORTANT TO HER, EVEN THAT, THAT WAS HARD TO HEAR. I DONT FEEL LIKE ANYONE CARES ABOUT ME, SO THEN IN TURN I FIND IT HARD TO CARE ABOUT ANYONE. BUT I DO CARE ABOUT EILEEN, AND I DO BELIEVE SHE CARES ABOTU US ALL. I JUST DONT THINK SHE SHOULD CARE ABOUT ME. I DONT FEEL I DESERVE HER CARE. I GUESS I’LL KEEP WORKING ON IT. ITS ALL I CAN DO.
PIXIE AGE 21

Virus-free. www.avg.com

Tuesday writing prompt february 19th 2019

The prompts are designed to be quick challenges that can be written in 10 to 15minutes, inspire you creatively, are fun, and get everyone interacting. Please post your response to the prompt in the comments below and show your fellow posters some love and support. All members of the Go Dog Go community, including Baristas, are welcome to participate. Feel free to share this post on your own blogs and/or Facebook.

Todays Prompt: Write a piece using the phrase;explicit emotion

tears spill

her eyes leak

as she sits

shivering

shaking like a leaf

it builds and builds

until

its a tornado

explicit emotion

written all over her face

anger, rage

fear, so so much fear

she grips the table

as her head swims

everything begins to blurr

she starts to remember

holding her breath

she starts to cry again

rage disapating

but that fear

the fear of knowing but not wanting to know

what happened to her

is so real

And she thinks

She’s going to die from it.

shirley

Shirley, our host wrote this poem, in response to thinking about her childhood and what happened to her during it.

https://godoggocafe.com/2019/02/19/tuesday-writing-prompt-challenge-february-19-2019/

Virus-free. www.avg.com

From Alexa. Healing thought for Tuesday

Today’s Quote:
Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something.
H. Jackson Brown Jr.

****
This is so true! Its definitely true for me anyway.
Alexa

Do what is in your heart, healing quote for Saturday

One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.
Henry Ford

Never be afraid to do anything. You can do it, you got this. Fear holds us back, but if we take the first step, and do what is in our heart, fear will disapate.
Be brave, be courageous!

Alexa

What if?

sitting here
living in fear
fear he’ll find me
if he does
what then?
what will he do?
what will be my fate?
silence as i sit
shiver and quiver
contemplate
my next move
and contemplate
his, too.

Virus-free. www.avg.com

#whatif prompt 20.10.18

Today’s #whatif prompt:

floating fantasy

Feel free to respond in your favorite way whether it be a poem, short story, photo, video . . however you best relate to the prompt. Simply post your ideas, create a ping-back and use the hashtag #whatif.

******
A floating fantasy
For me
Is to be
Free
Free from nightmares
Night terrors
And free from the claws
Of pain, pain
That tends to drive me insane
Free from it all
For just one night
I would love it
And I would be
Full of happiness
Floating on air
But that my friends
That is just a floating fantasy
For me
Since it just is not
The way it is
On most nights
On most nights
Nightmares call
Night terrors send me
Reeling in fear
For what feels like
Forever

Virus-free. www.avg.com