I want to go outside and read out in the sun. But I cant.
Why not? I hear you asking.
Because, what if a wasp or bee lands on me, thats my fear.
I know, highly unlikely, since there arent even flowers in my yard. But still. I’m so fearful of it happening, that it stops me from going out.
In fact, I rarely go outside in the sun on my own, and, if I do go out with people, I make them be on the look out just in case a wasp or bee lands near me or on me.
Silly isnt it? Thats my mind, irrational and very very fearful.
Its so frustrating and annoying. I just want to be able to enjoy our good weather, we dont get it too often!
omg. my worst fear just came true. a huge wasp just came in the bedroom window. omg he was buzzing so loud! and so big!
i rushed out to tell my dad. both my dad and my mom came in here and got him out for me.
they know how terrified i am of them.
im not the better of it now lol. this is why i hate summer! lol not really but i am really and i mean really terrified of wasps and bees. i’ve never been stung and i dont want to be if i can help it.
STRUGGLING SO MUCH TONIGHT. REALLY JUST FEEL LIKE SHIT. CRAP, CRAP, CRAP. THATS WHAT I FEEL LIKE. I HATE MYSELF. MY LIFE. MEH. JUST DONT KNOW WHEN THIS SHIT FEELING IS GONNA END. MADE A COFFEE AND AM SITTING HERE TRYING TO WATCH A LITTLE TV. BUT CANT DECIDE WHAT TO WATCH. THOUGHTS ALL JUMBLED UP. MY MIND IS RACING. I FEEL JUMPY. I AM SHAKY AND IRRITABLE. I JUST WANT A BREAK FROM THE TURMOIL THATS MY HEAD RIGHT NOW.
my body reacts
it trembles and shakes
threatens to destroy me
its a big deal
it sure is
i hardly ever feel
and when i do
my feelings are full
of hurt and pain
fear and shame
guilt, oh the guilt
but she says its ok to feel
and so i will…
even if it threatens to kill…
feel i must
to go forward
and to heal
FEEL SO LOST
I CANT FIND MY WORDS
THEY ARE LOST. AND I AM LOST TOO.
NIGHT TIME IS HERE
DREAD AND FEAR
AND THATS ALL I CAN SAY FOR RIGHT NOW
What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it.
Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness and a rational outlook, which eventually leads to success.