Fuck fuck!

ANXIETY WOKE US UP! DAMN! DAMN DAMN DAMN!
NOW WE WONT BE ABLE TO FALL BACK TO SLEEP AGAIN!
OMG I AM NOT HAPPY!
MY HANDS ARE SHAKING SO BAD THAT I CAN BARELY TYPE THIS! WELL SHIT!
MY CHEST FEELS SO TIGHT!
MY HEART IS POUNDING!
AND ITS ONLY MIDNIGHT! A WHOLE NIGHT OF THIS? OMG! I CANNOT DEAL!
WE DIDNT HAVE A NIGHTMARE, AT LEAST NOT THAT I AM AWARE OF!
SO WHY?
OMG!

LIZ

Poetry-Like a vulture

Fear wraps itself around me
and like a vulture
it grabs
It grips
It claws
It pulls
It is my constant companion
At night
There is no rest
No reprieve
the Fear is just always there
Staring me down
Making me crazy
I’ve come to know fear
As my friend
The friend I hate
The friend I don’t want
And just like that vulture
who swooped in
I want to swoop in
and feel something else
Other than the fear
I feel now

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/01/27/vulture/

Alone in the dark

I sit here
I live in fear
The flashbacks come
They leave me feeling so numb
Sitting here in the dark
Rain falls outside my window
I try to focus on the sound
Anything so I wont drown
I cry silent tears
I relive all of my fears
Oh how I hate
The night, and the darkness
It swallows me whole
Until I am no more
And feel so unsure

pain, pain, everywhere!

There is so much pain
in my heart
in my body
In my mind
in my soul
the pain overflows
oh sweet pain
I long for release
I long for you
To just disappear
If you wont
Then I long
To disappear instead
Take me,
Your breaking me

FEAR AND APPREHENSION

ITS LIZ. I HAVE A LOT OF FEAR IN ME RIGHT NOW. I FEAR EVERYTHING, AND EVERYONE. ITS HARD TO ADMIT TO IT. I AM NORMALLY A STRONG PERSON. NORMALLY I’D JUST SAY, FUCK IT. I WOULDNT LET FEAR RULE ME. I WOULDNT GIVE IN TO IT.

BUT THIS LATEST CONTACT LAST WEEK FROM A PAST ABUSER HAS SHAKEN ME, I FEEL UNSAFE, UNSAFE IN OUR HOME. IT FEELS HARD. ITS HARD TO SLEEP AT NIGHT. ITS HARD TO COPE. ITS HARD TO SOOTHE THE KIDS, THEY GET SO FREAKED OUT, AND TO BE TOTALLY HONEST, WE’RE ALL FREAKING OUT, KIDS, TEENS, AND ADULTS.

WE ARE NERVOUS TO GO OUTSIDE. EVEN LETTING NITRO OUT, WE’RE NERVOUS. WE’RE NERVOUS IN CASE SOMEONE COULD BE OUTSIDE WATCHING US. I KNOW THAT SEEMS REALLY IRRATIONAL. I MEAN, MORE THAN LIKELY NOBODY IS GOING TO BE OUT THERE. BUT BEING BLIND, ITS HARD, WE CANT SEE TO SEE SOMEONE IF THEY ARE.

I GUESS I AM JUST VERY SPOOKED, AND SCARED. WE’RE ONLY GETTING 3 HOURS OF SLEEP AT A TIME. WE’RE CONSTANTLY ON HIGH ALERT. ITS HORRIBLE AND AN AWFUL WAY TO SURVIVE AND LIVE. I WISH IT WASNT THIS WAY. BUT I REALLY HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO CHANGE THINGS.

I’M JUST HOPING WHEN WE SEE EILEEN TODAY THAT WE CAN TALK TO HER. I PLAN ON TALKING TO HER ABOUT ALL OF IT. IF ANYONE CAN HELP, SHE CAN. I’M SURE OF IT. SHE’LL KNOW WHAT TO DO. I HAVE FAITH IN HER.
LIZ