I am an anxious mess

Anxiety just sucks. Anxiety when your feeling tired really fucking sucks.
I got home today and I was exhausted. I tried to rest for a while. No joy. I was too wound up. My brain wouldnt shut off. I just lay there with my mind racing. I lay in bed for about an hour. Eventually I just got up again because I figured there is no point in just lying there thinking.
I called my mom and we chatted for a while. Then I decided to watch some tv. I sat on the couch with a mug of tea, my brain spinning, anxious feelings welling up and threatening to overwhelm me completely.
My therapy session today was hard, and I was still processing it. Usually after therapy I sleep a lot. Not tonight though. But while I sat watching tv I dozed off for about half an hour. I woke up with a jolt, half way through my show I’d been watching. That was it. I sat bolt upright. I was feeling really edgy. Agitated. And just really really felt very off.
I made some more tea. And now its gone 10 Pm but I am wide awake. That is despite only getting about 2 hours of sleep last night. And that half hour earlier this evening. I just cannot seem to shut off my brain. Its gone completely out of control.

How our Monday went

Well, we managed to go to therapy. And it drained us.

We were using the pulsers, and doing EMDR. That was helpful but it always leaves us exhausted.

So my plan was that after we got home, I’d eat and then go to bed. And thats what I did.

I was meant to have a mobility lesson in using my white cane, but the weather was too bad so my instructor canceled it until next week. That suited me fine as it meant I was able to go to bed.

And so, I’ve been sleeping on and off all afternoon, I did get up for about an hour but I went back to bed watching some tv, and fell asleep again.

Now its 11 PM and I am awake and will probably be awake all night. I know my sleep patterns all messed up but for now I’m ok with that.

I actually feel safer being awake at night anyway. For some reason I feel safer knowing I am up and keeping an eye on things.

I’ve taken our night meds, we’re still doing really well with our meds, not missing any doses of them. Its the one thing I am proud of lately.

Well, I should go make some tea. My mouth is so dry. I think my meds are making it really dry. Its like sand paper.

Not a good night

I didnt sleep very well last night. I’ve been up since about 4:30.

I just wasn’t able to stay asleep. I really wanted to but I just couldn’t.

My sleep is gone to hell lately!

I’m not impressed. Of course if my anxiety was less I might have some chance of getting good sleep. Fat chance of that, though.

My anxiety is really bad!

Thank god for clonidine and cups of tea!

Where would I be without them!

Messed up sleep, its sooo buggered!

my sleep is fucked guys! Absolutely fucked!

I am neither here nor there with it! So what am I doing? Sleeping when and as I can!

Its not ideal but oh well! I gotta do what I gotta do!

Last night well actually it was 6 Pm yesterday evening, I crawled into bed with my book. Couldnt keep my eyes open though and fell into a deep sleep!

Slept until this morning only woke up and got up at 10 AM!

But thats rare for me! My normal is to sleep about 2 to 3 hours and then I am wide awake!

Is it just me? Anyone else sleep only a little?

I cant be the only one who spend most of every 24 hours awake can I?

I’ll be so worried if I am! 😀 not really Lol!

But somethings gotta give! I am finding that not eating after 8 pm is helping a little. I am less sluggish, also exercising more often helps me too, it tires me out!

I guess I’ll see how it goes over the christmas! I’m probably looking at not getting much sleep over the festive period though!

Ug sigh!

Is anyone around? I cant sleep. I’ve had too much coffee! I am wired! I doubt I’m going to sleep much at all tonight.

I am hoping for at least a few hours, since I have a busy day ahead tomorrow!

I guess time will tell whether that will be happening! If not I shall read my book!

Wound up!

I’m not sleeping! 2 AM and I am wide awake!
No sign of sleep coming!
Even with my meds on board, I’m wide awake!
This isnt good guys!
I feel so crazy! My mind is racing!
I really wanna sleep but I just cant!
Ug sigh! I am so tired!
I hope I can sleep at least a little, maybe get 2 or 3 hours.
Pray guys! Please pray that I’ll sleep soon!

#Socs prompt: bad dreams!

I am participating this week in Linda G Hills prompt for socs!

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is dream. Use it as a noun or a verb; use any way youd like. Enjoy!

My night last night was filled with bad dreams! Horrible nightmares! It was pure hell!
I sat up after each one, shaking uncontrollably, too scared to go back to sleep.
I thought to myself, this sucks!
All I wanted was a few uninterrupted hours of sleep! It wasnt to be though!
Instead I was wide awake, stressing!
At least there’s nothing on my agenda today. I can chill!
Happy saturday everyone! And, adios to nightmares and bad dreams!

http://lindaghill.com/2019/11/15/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-16-19/