Hyper

i am feeling very hyper. i cant settle down.
i tried to lie down and read my book. nope. i couldnt. had to get up again. felt to squirrely.
then my friend texted me. so ended up getting in a convo with her for a bit.
my mind is racy. a hundred little thoughts are swirling around in there right now.
i’m trying to calm down. i should try to sleep but i doubt i can. no point in going to bed to just lie there wide awake thinking. that does nobody any favours.
and when i think its a dangerous thing sometimes. my thoughts quickly go out of control.
so i’ll just turn on the radio and stay up and go online for a bit. and hope that tires me out soon.
carol anne

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Back to the basement club

I did it. Today I went back to the basement club. After not being there for almost a month, it was kinda weird to just arrive back in there, but as usual, all of the members were just amazing. So accepting, they were just their awesome supportive selves. I went in after seeing dr. barry and Mark. I got there for around 10:30. We had a meeting that was scheduled for 11 AM, a big meeting about all of the changes taking place. It was good to go to it. Good to catch up with colette, too. Colette is leaving on the 27th, and since she’s been my mentor for the last 5 years, it was good to catch up with her and talk to her about where she’s moving on to etc. I also met one of the new staff members, she is very nice. She was friendly and seemed supportive and like she’d be a good fit for the centre. There are two more new staff starting in early August. I spoke a little at the meeting, just to say I was upset about Colette leaving, and that I hadnt come in recently due to anxiety and being upset. I felt it was important that I spoke. After the meeting I had coffee with a couple of the members. We just chatted about things like the weather, their kids, dogs etc. Then I spent some quiet time in the quiet room. I needed a little bit of space to myself after the meeting, which was super intense. I had booked a taxi to pick me up at 3:45 but then everyone went home around 2 PM, except 1 or 2 people, so I decided then to call it a day and go home too. So here I am now, at home, reflecting on my day. I plan on going in again tomorrow and spending the day in there. I’m proud of myself for biting the bullet and going in there today. I know I did a good thing for my mental health. And I’m also happy that I spoke to colette on her own, and met the new staff member as well.
carol anne

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Making my mental health a priority

I havent dropped into the basement club in a while. For newer followers, the basement club is a drop in centre for people with mental illnesses that I used to go to a lot. Recently though I feel I’ve been neglecting my mental health. I’ve been making other things my priority. I’m going to change that this next week, though. I’m going to make it a priority to go in there 3 days next week, the centre is closed on monday and tuesday, but on wednesday, thursday and friday I am going to go in. No more putting it off in place of other things. Its time to look after my wellbeing. Being in there makes me feel good. I feel accepted. I feel like its a place where I fit in and where I belong. I feel supported when I am in there and it makes me feel good about myself too as I am being a support to others who go in there.
some big changes have happened and I feel I need to be part of those and if I dont go in then I am not part of them and I wont know what is going on in there.
Luckily there is one friend who updates me via email, and I do get texts from them too, but its not the same as going in there and seeing first hand what is going on.
So off in I will go on wednesday after my apt with dr. barry.

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my appointment with dr. barry this week

had a very good apt with dr. barry this week. i was so exhausted though. i was falling asleep while i waited. she noticed too because when she came to get me and as we were walking back to her office she asked me if i was dozing off.
we got into her office, she went to get me some water. and then we were able to talk. i told her about the week, how it had been kinda bad, because of the summer solstace, she said she’d been thinking of me and she hadnt forgot the date. that was nice to hear that she actually remembered the awful date.
i told her about my experience in therapy the experience i had the other day where our body was acting all weird. we talked about that for a little while. then i told her about sirena and what she’d done when I’d gone to take my night meds on tuesday night. she was very surprised. she asked me if i thought sirena was planning it i said no i thought it was an impulsive thing and not planned out at all. I told her eileen had responded to my text and that I felt so lucky that she responded, dr. barry agreed that I was very lucky because not all therapists would do that and actually very few of them do it.
we talked about meds. she said due to what sirena did that she wasnt going to add back any more of my meds for this week. i agreed that i didnt want her to. “so we’re both on the same page then?” she said. “yes, I agreed” we are. I dont feel comfortable adding any more meds back for now. we can just wait for another two weeks before adding back the prozac and lyrica. I just dont want to risk anything else happening and having extra meds around it might.
during our conversation dr. barrys phone rang. she had to step out of the room to talk to whoever was on the phone. i’m used to that happening. it happens quite a lot. i try to not let it bother me. but it can be annoying. we lose our train of thought when her phone rings and she has to answer it.
overall though it was a good apt. i felt great afterwords. she’s really very supportive of me.

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another hot thursday

its gonna be another really hot day here. yesterday it hit 30 degrees c. i think today is going to be similar and it will hit around 30 again.
I went to bed early last night, well 10 PM, thats early for me. Then I woke at 3 AM and got up, but I only stayed up for an hour, I couldnt focus cuz I was still tired. So I went back to bed until 7:30.
I dont have any plans for today. I can relax all day. I do have my PA coming this evening at six, she asked me if she could swap nights, and come tonight instead of tomorrow. I’m going to have her help me cook, we are making a chili con carne. I’m also going to have her help me do some housework.
Despite it being very hot I made coffee. I need my coffee in the morning. I’ll just have one cup and then I’ll switch to water.
Well have a good thursday everyone.
carol anne

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Goals!

my goals for monday are not many. its gonna be a kind a very easy and chill day.

shower
take meds
go to therapy
eat 3 healthy meals
do a little bit of cleaning around the house
sit outside in the sun
read my book try to finish it
exercise
call my friend
call the welfare office make a new apt
go to bed early tomorrow night

carol anne

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