OT apt didnt happen

so we were meant to see our OT mark today. However that never happened.

It was because of the stormy weather. Traffic was bad and mark lives outside the city. He got stuck in traffic and he was going to be 40 minutes late for our apt.

So we said we’d leave it for another time. Probably in two weeks when I next see dr. barry we’ll have an apt then. I am ok with leaving it until then. There was no emergency nothing I needed to see him urgently about.

I had texted him to say I’d be late, but then he rang me when he was going to be so late coming in. He was so apologetic, but what can you do? You cant predict the weather.

After we hung up from talking he texted me to thank me. Sweet of him I thought. He said not having an apt today really took the pressure off of him so thats good. I’m happy I could help.

We’ll eventually meet up, and until we do I know if I need anything I can email him or call or text him. Just knowing that is enough and I am happy I can do that.
carol anne

Anxious

Woke up anxious. Ug. This sucks.

Woke at 6, couldn’t settle down again so got up.

Still feel really on edge and anxious. And god I hate anxiety.

I think I need to make tea. Mom and dad are still in bed but should be awake soon.

Im really not feeling good this morning.

So after much thought

So after much thinking, and debating, I’ve decied that yes, I will stay home today and chill. I need the rest.

It feels good to be having down time. My mom was encouraging me to go to the basement club. But tbh I don’t feel up to it. I don’t really feel social today. I wouldn’t be much good to anyone down there.

I’d prefer to just hang out here at home. I just had a nice shower, and ate a bowl of chili, which tasted amazing I might add.

I got back into my pj’s after my shower. I think its going to be a pj sorta day.

Oh well, some days are just like that, right?

Meeting the new staff at the basement club!

so I finally did it. I went in and I met two new staff at the basement club yesterday. It was ok, only ok though.

One of them is a real bitch. She is not a nice person. She looks down on us, just because we have mental illness! She is so patronising! I think she thinks she is somehow better than us because we take meds, and she doesnt!

She’s also very lazy. Yesterday we were trying to organise some gardening and trying to prep the new garden space, and she was like, I’m far too busy to be doing this! I’m doing two peoples work! Like, dont bother me!

The thing is, she wasnt working at all! All she was doing was sitting at a desk in the office, doing absolutely fucking nothing! She didnt even hardly engage with any of us! The old staff would always come out of the office and sit and chat to us. She doesnt though!

Then they held this training yesterday morning, they said we need to do a lunch time hosting thing, where two of us the members would host lunch, so that staff can go on an hours lunch break! The thing is we arent professionals! We arent qualified! We have to basically be in charge while they arent there! There is a phone number to call if we need to get in touch with them, but basically we’re on our own hosting the service. I did the training and then yesterday I got stuck to do the hosting! So I hosted lunch with another member so the staff would be able to go have their lunch, otherwise they said they’d have to close the basement club for an hour while they went on lunch!

The thing is this would never have happened when the old staff were there. They never took an hours break! They always had their lunch with us! They always sat with us and ate. None of this going out of the building to eat!

So yeah I was not impressed. The new staff werent all that! I am glad I went in but god! So many changes!

Thank god two more new staff are going to come next week. A new coordinator and another mental health support worker. One male and one female. I will have to go in and meet them all over again!
carol anne

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Todays thoughts and rambles

so last night I crashed hard. I wasnt able to keep my eyes open. I went to bed and started reading, then fell into a deep sleep. It was bliss. I slept all night. It was great. I was so exhausted, but I slept really well and woke up feeling great this morning.
I’ve had a good day so far. Therapy was productive, but I’ll write about it separately. Or let those who participated in the session do it for themselves if they feel up to it.
We came back to mom and dads house afterwords. Had some lunch. Then my sister came over after work and she dropped us home. Now we are just home chilling out. Not sure what I’ll do for the rest of the afternoon. Surprisingly I dont feel tired at all after therapy. Normally I am drained. I am feeling good though, not tired at all.
I’ve decided tomorrow morning is the day I am going to go in to the basement club. Rose canceled on me. She said she doesnt feel she’d be able to get up that early, I dont think 11 AM is that early but whatever, she canceled, so I am alone going in, but I dont mind. I’m just going to bite the bullet and head on in there and meet the staff and have fun doing it.
carol anne

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Early appointment today with dr. barry

so just got done seeing dr. barry. I had an early apt today. I got there around 8:30 AM. I didnt see her until 9:30 though as she doesnt come in until around 9:15.

The first thing she did when I got in to her office was apologise to us. She said she takes full responsibility for Sarah not contacting us when she was on vacation. The reason she didnt contact us was because Dr. barry wrote her a note, but then she put it in her own area where all of her own paperwork is kept, instead of putting it where sarah would see it. It was an accident. She obviously didnt mean to do it. She said on the friday before she left she did think of it and she was going to text Sarah and make sure she knew to contact us but then she thought well I’ve written her a note so she knows to contact them, so she never did text her. And obviously sarah didnt get any note as it was in dr. barrys stack of paperwork. Sarah did know about it since Mark our OT told her after we’d talked to him about it last week. She knew how disappointed we were. Dr. barry said she felt really bad for us. She said the next time she’d double check, and make sure the referral went to sarah. I am not mad any more as I know it was a genuine accident on dr. barrys part. She would never do that sort of thing intentionally to us. She knows we were depending on that check in so I know she wouldnt do that to us.

We did end up telling her about our friend and the overdose. She wasnt pleased that it happened and she said that I need to definitely talk to her, which I have done, so I told her I did and we worked it out. I told her not to say anything about it to our friend, unless she brings it up, dr. barry said that if she does bring it up, she will be saying to her that what she did to us was totally inappropriate and she shouldnt have done that. She said fair enough if we were part of her safety plan, that yes she could have contacted us, but never over text, that if we had agreed to be on her list of nominated contacts that then she could have called us, but we’d have had to agree to that prior to this and we hadnt, so she shouldnt have involved us in that way.

We talked about therapy and we told her about our latest two sessions. We also told her how mad eileen was about what happened with our friend, she said it wasnt surprising that Eileen was annoyed, that she could see how she would be. We talked to her about the EMDR we’d done, and then I told her about how Emily is struggling right now with suicidal ideation and thoughts, but I was telling her its constant with her, that she always has suicidal thoughts and just doesnt act on them.

Dr. Barry told me that her team is changing and some of the team are moving on, because they’ve gotten promotions. Her OT on the team got promoted, and she will be leaving soon. The social worker Mary left last week, and obviously her last social worker Karen also was promoted and left. She said they dont have any replacement yet for Mary, and there might not be one for a while. She was telling me she hates change. And with her team, she’s had the same people working on it for ages, and so now that there is change and new people coming on bord it will be hard.

Also, we’re moving buildings soon. The building we see dr. barry in now is very old, and a new purpose built facility was built and will hold lots of doctors, and physios, OT’s, etc, lots of medical people, so the new facility wont just be for mental health, like the building that they are in now, it is just for mental health. Anyway, the move will be happening soon. I am very nervous about it since its a bigger building, and more space, and harder to navigate. Dr. barry said that I can ring before coming in, and she’ll have someone meet me until I get used to the building. I’m glad about that.

So overall a good appointment. I felt validated and heard, but then I always do.

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