ITS LIZ. I AM IN SO MUCH EMOTIONAL PAIN. I FEEL AWFUL. I HAVE BEEN CRYING FOR HALF AN HOUR. I JUST WISH EILEEN WAS HERE. I EMAILED HER BUT SHE’S IN BED. WHERE I PROBABLY SHOULD BE. I MISS HER SO MUCH TONIGHT. THE ATTACHMENT ACHE IS SO BAD. IT FEELS JUST AWFUL. I NEED A HUG. I NEED EILEENS SOFT SOOTHING VOICE TO TELL ME I’LL BE OK, IT IS ALL GOING TO BE OK. MY ANXIETY IS SO BAD. I FEEL LIKE I’M JUMPING OUT OF MY SKIN. IT IS HORRIBLE. I KNOW IF EILEEN WAS HERE I’D BE OK. SHE CAN ALWAYS CALM ME DOWN. I KNOW HER WORDS WOULD MAKE ME FEEL OK AGAIN. I HATE CRYING. I KNOW ITS MEANT TO RELEASE STUFF, TO BE THERAPUTIC, BUT GOD. I’M A MESS. I NEED TO GO HAVE A CUDDLE WITH NITRO. ITS ALMOST TIME FOR HIS MORNING FEED AND FOR HIM TO GO OUT. MAYBE I’LL GO OUTSIDE TOO. STAND OUTSIDE AND BREATHE IN THE FRESH AIR. MAYBE THAT WILL HELP. I HOPE EILEEN RESPONDS TO ME LATER THIS MORNING. I KNOW IF SHE DOES IT WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. EMOTIONAL PAIN IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST.
AND NOW I CAN BREATHE! SHE EMAILED ME FINALLY!
SHE SAID WE’D TALK ON MONDAY, I CAN HOLD OUT UNTIL THEN I THINK.
HERE IS WHAT SHE SAID TO ME.
Hi Wendy, I am sorry for not replying sooner. I do hear that you want advice on how to feel better, and I hear the desperation in that. I think what I can offer is a promise to talk to you on Monday. It has been a while, but I haven’t forgotten that you are there, feeling badly in the background. Do you think you could find some way to let those feelings know that help is on the way?
IM JUST GLAD SHE EMAILED! JUST HAVING SOMETHING FROM HER TO READ MAKES ME FEEL A LOT BETTER! I WILL REREAD IT OVER AND OVER!
I emailed my therapist. I emailed to tell her my good news!
I wanted to share it with her. But more than that, I want her to be proud of me. I know she will be, so whether she actually responds to my email or not…I will know she got it and read it, and is proud of me!
That is enough. I am happy that I can email her. I am happy to be able to share my great news with the person I trust the most in the world!
She might not respond to me at all, if she does it will be awesome! Im not hoping that sh e will though. If she does, then it will be a huge surprise!
Im kinda a hot mess right now! Im not sure why. I just feel pretty agitated. I am still super excited though about getting a place on the course!
Just gotta try to stay calm! Deep breaths, carol anne!
And coffee, which is probably making me more agitated!
its me allie. im bored. is anyone around? im soooo bored.
I wanna email Eileen. maybe I can tell her about what I did today. that wasn’t much. but she likes hearing about the fun I have. so maybe Ill jus email her and tell her about my very boring day.
im still waiting on the new books carol anne ordered for me. I wish they’d hurry up and get here. I want to take them in to Eileen for her to read to us.
I’ve no patience. ha ha! at least that’s what the bigs tell me!
I am allie no patience! ha ha!
I wanna tell everybody happy thanksgiving! enjoy it. I wish we had thanksgiving here. we do have black Friday. that is cool. we’re not going shopping though tomorrow.
im getting a diet coke tomorrow though! cant wait!
Well gotta go now! Grown ups said so!
Eileen just emailed me. She’s home. She’s home and she’s ok and safe!
What a huge relief that is!
She forgot her phone though! She left it behind her left it in england, so she said she was waiting for it to arrive in the post!
I was like OMG! If I forgot my phone I’d die!
My phone is literally tied to me hahaha! I cant leave it out of my hand!
She’s home though! And she said she’s so proud of us for being able to manage our huge feelings. And we will see her on Monday, yay!
Strange how I emailed instead of texting, normally I’d have texted her. And then she wouldnt have got it as her phone is in england still! Strange how I thought to email instead! A coincidence or someone watching over me making sure I got in touch with her somehow!
Who knows, but I sure am glad I decided to email her!
Take me away from all this anxiety, please!
Someone rescue me! I hate this! It feels so crappy!
I feel like shit!
I am not. Ok! Not not not!
I am trying things, believe me I am. I just emailed my therapist and am hopeful she’ll respond.
Normally she doesn’t but occasionally she will if she feels its warranted.
Hoping today she does. I need to go to the store soon with my mom for a few things and my anxiety is through th eroof about it.
I don’t feel like I can deal with the crowds of people at the store!
I will go because I have to but I wish I didn’t!
FUCKING CANT STAND THAT EILEEN IS GONE. MISSING HER SO BAD BUT DONT WANNA SAY THAT! UG THIS SUCKS! FEEL SO ON EDGE. JUST WISH SHE WASNT OUT OF THE DAMN COUNTRY. JUST WISH I HAD HAD MY SESSION TODAY. WROTE HER AN ANGRY EMAIL. CUZ WELL SHE CAN HANDLE IT. AND I KNOW SHE KNOWS IM MAD AT HER. BUT ONLY CUZ I FEEL ABANDONED! AND INSECURE! DAMN THIS FUCKING BLOODY SUCKS!