second night in a row that I am up and awake at 1 AM.
I managed to get maybe 3 hours of sleep. So not a lot. I just made a coffee because I know I wont sleep again.
I had weird dreams. I cant really remember any of them fully but I just know they were weird.
One of the staff here came in when I was sleeping and woke me up. She wanted to close the windows. I hate it when I am asleep and someone wakes me up. Thank goodness I was able to go back to sleep again.
Ok well I am going to catch up on blogs. I have a load to catch up on. Thanks for reading guys!
ITS GONE 1 AM
AN DIM AWAKE…THOUGHTS RACING, HEAD POUNDING, FEELING SO EMOTIONAL, CANT SHUT MY BRAIN UP.
DOUBT ILL GET ANY SLEEP TONIGHT. NOTHING NEW THERE THOUGH IS THERE?
I JUST HAVE A LOT ON MY MIND TONIGHT. SHOULD PROBABLY EMAIL EILEEN. HATE THE INTENSE FEELINGS. THEY FEEL SO CRAPPY.
FEELING IMPULSIVE LIKE I WANNA BREAK SOMETHING, I WONT, BUT I WANT TO.
JUST NOT OK AND NOT DOING WELL TONIGHT.
ITS MY USUAL, NIGHT TIME IS MY FUCKED UP TIME…
FEEL SO LOST
I CANT FIND MY WORDS
THEY ARE LOST. AND I AM LOST TOO.
NIGHT TIME IS HERE
DREAD AND FEAR
AND THATS ALL I CAN SAY FOR RIGHT NOW
Middle of the night
I got such a fright
Sharp breath intake
Things not what they seem
Can I please flea?
My body has betrayed me
look, can you see?
each day I fight
with all of my might
but each day, my body betrays
in every way
triggered by trauma dreams
things are never as they seem
you will see
a quivering mess
that is me!
my body, my body
and no matter what i try to do
how i try to get a clue
i’m still left
with this mess
to try to fix
will I ever heal
in order to heal I have to feel
or so they tell me…
I’m just left with
A lot of unanswered questions
and with each passing day
my body, it betrays
in a tizzy
scared to sleep
scared of my dreams
nightmares i keep having
there is no ending
wanting to hide
scared of my mind!
i’m feeling so bla right now. apathy is setting in. i hate it. i’m starting to feel like i’m crashing. depression sucks. it really fucking does.
i cant sleep. its 3 AM and I cant sleep.
I’m afraid of going to sleep. I dont want to have nightmares.
I dont want to be feeling depressed and apathetic.
ok, carol anne, think of 3 positives.
1 nitro loves me
2 i’m warm and cosy in my nice house. i’m safe.
3 i’m emailing with friends and thats nice.