eyes wide open
heart beats wildly in my chest
middle of the night
a pounding heart
as i try
not to remember
bad dreams they suck
so so much
going over in my head
i fear, i dread
what will happen
if I allow my mind
to go there?
or should I
and just do it
Let my mind take me
Take me back
to that place
no! No! I shouldnt!
Ok, I tell myself…
try to breathe
and try to go back to sleep
tomorrow, things will look different
So I woke up at 4:30 this morning. I had gone to bed early and I slept well. I was so glad about that. Its hard for us so much of the time to sleep, that when we do get a good sleep its wonderful.
I had weird dreams though. I was dreaming about my autistic cousin. I cant remember the dream now but I know it was a weird one. I woke up feeling a little disconcerted. I think that topic seems like it was a weird thing to dream about. I wasn’t even thinking about my cousin before going to sleep.
I’ve showered now and its not even 7 AM yet. I feel great after my shower. I put this lovely vanilla lotion on and it smells so good. Then I also put my flowers perfume by kenzo on. It just smells so gorgeous.
My PA is coming at 9. Its our second week together. We are going to do housework and maybe go for a walk if the weather cooperates. It looks like it will stay dry though. I hope so as I really want to get out and go walking.
Im also going volunteering later today in the afternoon. I have to call my supervisor this morning to see if she can pick me up. The likelihood is she can or if she cant, then her colleague trish will do it.
/after volunteering I will head to my parents house for the weekend, like I do every weekend. So a busy Friday is in store. My PA will be here until 1 PM. So for four hours in total.
Todays #whatif prompt over at what if we all cared is lilac dreams!
My take on it:
In my lilac dreams
Its so surreal
My lilac dreams
Tell a story
I dont want to wake from them
I want to go on pretending
That these lilac dreams
Are my every day dreams
That there are no nightmares, ever
that these lilac dreams
That filled tonight
Bright and shiny
Like a new penny
Making me feel
In a good mood!
These lilac dreams
Are just, so, brilliant!
Long may they last!
i wanna win it! i really would love a big win. it would make life so much easier!
the euromillions was won in ireland this week! a syndicate of 32 people won 17 million euros.
Fair play to them! I hope they’ll be very happy.
Now if only I could win big. I can dream though?
second night in a row that I am up and awake at 1 AM.
I managed to get maybe 3 hours of sleep. So not a lot. I just made a coffee because I know I wont sleep again.
I had weird dreams. I cant really remember any of them fully but I just know they were weird.
One of the staff here came in when I was sleeping and woke me up. She wanted to close the windows. I hate it when I am asleep and someone wakes me up. Thank goodness I was able to go back to sleep again.
Ok well I am going to catch up on blogs. I have a load to catch up on. Thanks for reading guys!
ITS GONE 1 AM
AN DIM AWAKE…THOUGHTS RACING, HEAD POUNDING, FEELING SO EMOTIONAL, CANT SHUT MY BRAIN UP.
DOUBT ILL GET ANY SLEEP TONIGHT. NOTHING NEW THERE THOUGH IS THERE?
I JUST HAVE A LOT ON MY MIND TONIGHT. SHOULD PROBABLY EMAIL EILEEN. HATE THE INTENSE FEELINGS. THEY FEEL SO CRAPPY.
FEELING IMPULSIVE LIKE I WANNA BREAK SOMETHING, I WONT, BUT I WANT TO.
JUST NOT OK AND NOT DOING WELL TONIGHT.
ITS MY USUAL, NIGHT TIME IS MY FUCKED UP TIME…
FEEL SO LOST
I CANT FIND MY WORDS
THEY ARE LOST. AND I AM LOST TOO.
NIGHT TIME IS HERE
DREAD AND FEAR
AND THATS ALL I CAN SAY FOR RIGHT NOW