You are bad.
You are worthless
You are weak
You are no good
You are incapable
You are pathetic
You are a burden to those in your life
You are a failure
You are dumb
You are nothing
you need to die
Says that little voice, negative voice inside me. When will it end? I hate being triggered and I hate the night time too. I feel so alone and I wish I had some company.
My midterm is over. Its back to reality. I’m so thrilled. I loved having the time off, but having the routine of going to school every morning is great too. It is familiar and familiar is good. I will be busy this week as I have an assignment due next Monday and I also have an exam next Friday as well. So a busy couple of weeks ahead. The next exam will be tougher than the first one. Its a word exam but it involves things like mail merge, tables, inserting graphics, etc. Some of which wont be accessible with jaws I’m sure. But I will try my best and thats all I can do. I’m just glad that the triggering weekend has passed and I got through it ok. I stayed with mom and dad for two nights so I’d be safe. I emailed my therapist last night to let her know I was ok and safe.
todays been ok so far. no thoughts of harming and no contact from past abusers. i think we’re pretty safe now as we went to mom and dads for the remainder of the weekend. my pa came this morning. we cleaned my house and then went to get dog food and to the bank because i had to get money out for the week. we also went to the grocery store and mcdonalds for lunch. last night my friend came over and we had chinese food and that was nice. i was so tired though that i could barely keep my eyes open. once she left i went straight to bed. i turned on my tv and was watching a couple things but fell asleep with the tv on. was so glad not to have any nightmares or flashbacks last night. did not wake until my pa rang the doorbell this morning. my sister just came over with the kids. they are going trick or treating and then they are heading to a halloween party that my sisters partners sister is throwing. i’m not sure but i think my aunt is coming to our moms tonight and her mom and i are going to have some drinks. right now i’m feeling pretty good. my mood is ok and i feel relatively stable. i just need to keep myself distracted i think. i hope everyone else is having an ok halloween and that your doing well.
We want to invite our readers to come check out our audioboom account. Audioboom is an ap where you can record audio recordings and upload them to the ap. We are now on audioboom. On our account you will find audio recordings of the alters, and in the future there will be stuff from our family too. we really hope some of you will join us over on audioboom. just hit follow or download the ap to your phone. then you can keep up to date with our recordings as they happen. our account is over at
See you there!
I have been diagnosed with did for years now. Still it really never gets any easier. Sure I can deal with it. Sure I know more than I knew when I was originally diagnosed. But still it can be so hard on some days to live with this condition.
Let me explain. I was unofficially diagnosed in 2001. My then psychiatrist said I might have what was then known as MPD. I freaked out. Yes I knew we were all inside, I knew I heard voices, I knew we had names, but I did not know did was a real condition that existed out there. I did not know anyone like me. But after the diagnosis, I found plenty of people online who experienced what I did. Who were just like me.
it was a relief! I was no longer alone. I no longer questioned my sanity. I had a name for what was wrong. I was multiple.
Years later in December 2010 I was officially diagnosed. It was put on paper finally. I had tests to diagnose did. I went through an assessment and some interviews and spoke about my did system and my memories and after hearing all of this the experts diagnosed me as a classic case of did.
Now I am in therapy weekly. I see my psychiatrist weekly. I take meds. I am coping. But still? Still the did is difficult to deal with because so many people dont know. I cant tell them. They would run or freak out or worse still not accept it or me. It is a lonely existence. I am lucky I have a select few I trust and they know everything and are ok with things just how they are. They accept me for me did and all.
If you know someone with did be kind. Be supportive. Be accepting. It might take time but if you stick with it and keep being supportive and non judgemental eventually the did person will grow to trust you and will be able to more fully open up and tell you what is going on. Most importantly be patient. Did is not easy to live with we are used to hiding it from everyone and even sometimes from our own selves.