Jasmine, therapy Thursday

I got to work with Eileen yesterday again. It was good to be able to talk to her. I thought at first that she didnt want to talk to me because at first she was talking with Carol anne asking her how I was doing and stuff so I thought that meant that she wasnt going to speak directly to me. But she did. We talked about Dr Barry and I told her that I felt upset that she wouldnt talk to me. Eileen said she was probably trying to protect me and look out for me, and that she knew I was struggling and didnt want to overwhelm me so thought it would be best if I just talked with eileen. We talked about my depression and I told Eileen that I felt that I was being pulled down, it felt like a huge weight was pressing on me. Then I told her I was pushing, trying to fight back. She asked me to stand away from the pushing and pulling, she told me to pretend I was standing on a stage, just looking down at myself, but away from the push pull parts of me. So I did that and it felt better. I was able to talk about my feelings and stuff without getting drawn into them. We talked again about parts, and intrajects. She asked me if I knew that I had parts, I told her sometimes yes I do know, but sometimes I get confused as to who is an inside part of me and the people that are outside of me. She said we’d work more on that over the coming weeks. I felt so tired after the session, like it totally drained me. I was glad though that I got to work with her again.