A great article. Read on this is a good one!
The lovely bee over at the bee writes, has challenged us to come up with a poem for the prompt, black dog.
Heres my attempt.
thoughts they linger
will they ever subside
the black dog
he comes out
shows his ugly face
spews his ugly venum
and on days when that happens
All I want to do
Is curl up into a tiny ball
Go away, black dog, go away!
ANGRY. GOING TO HAVE A MELTDOWN I THINK. RAGE IS AROUND. THIS IS A DISASTER. I FEEL PISSY. FILLED WITH RAGE, BOILING ANGER. THINK I’LL GO HIDE UNDER MY COVERS. COME BACK WHEN THE MELTDOWN SUBSIDES.
I haven’t gone to the gym again today. I didn’t go yesterday either.
Mom asked me this morning if it would be ok if we didn’t go today. She said she had to catch up on some ironing and housework. So I said it would be ok for us not to go today.
To be totally honest I wasn’t really in a good space mentally today and so wasn’t in the mood for exercising.
I will however push myself. And I will be going tomorrow!
I need to go. I need to get the feel good endorphins from doing the exercise. So tomorrow it is then!
I woke up at six, despite going to bed after 2 AM. I just wasnt able to sleep any longer so got up. I am feeling very off today. Not doing well at all. I’ve decided not to go volunteering. I just dont feel up to it. I wouldnt be any use to anyone. I am feeling too depressed. I also feel fragile and I think hearing about others problems would only set me off further. So I wont go. I will ring my supervisor when she gets into work and let her know. I made myself make some breakfast. I really didnt feel up to eating or making food, but I pushed myself to do it. Its not even 8 AM here yet. I think its going to be a long day. Also the weather is crap outside. Its very windy and threatening to rain. I just let nitro out and fed him so at least I managed to see to his needs. He is important to me so I am glad I was able to see to him. My friend texted me during the night. She was worried as she texted me yesterday after my therapy session and I didnt reply to her. Truth is I was too tired to talk then. I probably should have replied to just let her know I was ok. She worries for us at this time of year because she knows its hard for us. I replied this morning. I apologised for not replying to her message sooner. I need to shower but I just dont feel like it. I know thats gross. I probably will, I just have to muster up the energy. I feel too lethargic and too depressed. Im not sure where the depression is coming from. Other than the time of year but not sure what else is causing it. All I know is I feel so awful. Feel really low and like I couldnt be bothered like I dont care about anything. Ug I hope this doesnt last for too long. Its exhausting.
it seaps into your core
into your soul
you cant breathe
you cant do anything
but be engulfed by the blackness
the blackness that is depression
it tears you apart
rips into every fibre of your being
tells you your worthless
a nothing and nobody
and you believe it
even though other people tell you otherwise
you find it hard to hear their words
and believe them
depression takes everything
everything you know
and turns your life
upside down and inside out
until you cant take it
life seems unbearable
and so you wonder
how will I cope?
how will I get through this?
What will make it better?
I WOKE UP FEELING OFF. I DONT WANNA GO TO THERAPY! I WISH I DIDNT HAVE TO GO! I WILL GO,BUT I REALLY DONT WANT TO!
I JUST FEEL LIKE THINGS WILL BE JUST HARD. AND I DONT FEEL IN THE MOOD FOR TALKING! I DEBATED TEXTING EILEEN, AND SAYING I DIDNT FEEL UP TO COMING IN. BUT SOMETHING STOPPED ME.
I THINK WE JUST NEED TO SUCK IT UP AND GO. MAYBE IN THE END WE’LL BE GLAD WE DID.