3 things challenge 10th February 2019

Todays prompts are: dominoes, bones, death
Falling, falling
Like dominos all in a row
My emotions, they scatter
To and fro
My head spins
Mind whirls
Bones creak
As I seek
To try to understand
Why my feelings are so intense
I cant though
Never know
Never seeing
Why death feels so close
And why?
Its an option
For me…
Always an option
Something I’m thinking about
As my facial bones ache
From pasting on that smile
And trying to face
The world one more day
Trying to go on
Trying to cope
With the emotional turmoil I live with
On a daily basis


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Yet another death of another of my friendly call clients…will the loss ever end?

well guys, bad news, more bad news.
my supervisor told me today on the drive to the office that another client died. His name was daniel. He was in his 80’s. He was one of my regular callers. He was such a kind, gentle man. A very genuine warm kind caring person.
We arent sure what exactly happened to him. I talked to him last Tuesday afternoon, and then I couldnt get through to him on friday, but it turns out that by then he was already dead, we just didnt know it yet. My supervisor went on rip.ie which is a site where you can find out whose died. She saw his name on there.
I am heartbroken as I knew this guy really well. I am saddened at his loss. I will really miss him. He always made me laugh, and I looked forward to our chats every week.
We’ve lost four of our clients in the space of 2 or 3 weeks now. Its so sad. I really hope we dont lose anyone else. I really feel unable to handle any more loss. I am struggling as it is. I am really finding it difficult to come to terms with all these losses.
If you pray, please pray. If not, send good vibes thoughts to me. I really need them right now. I just hope all of the clients who died lately are now at peace.

More loss. Another friendly call client of mine died this past week

So I just found out on the drive to work that another of our clients died. Her name was CAtherine. She had COPD and she had been in hospital since jan 1st. She passed away on wednesday in hospital.
She was only 72. She was one of my favourite clients. She’d been a client of friendly call for about 7 years.
She was always so grateful to get a call and she would constantly tell me how grateful she was and how wonderful I was for doing the job that I do.
I am going to really miss her. I got really friendly with her over the last 7 or 8 months. We built up a great rapport.
We’ve had so many losses lately in friendly call, 3 clients in two weeks. I hope we dont have any more now for a while.
I am kinda shocked that Catherine died so suddenly. She will certainly be a huge loss to all of us.

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3 things challenge January 20th 2019

Todays prompts are: couch, foot, helmet

I sat on the couch
Tapping my foot
Wondering, wondering
What I should do
Anxiously I pondered it
Where I should go
Taking my time
Sitting, going slow
Things hadnt gone well
Yesterday afternoon
My friend wasnt wearing his helmet
And it happened all too soon
He got run over
A car hit him head on
Now we’re all left
So sad, so forelorn
He was taken from us way too soon
Gone in a blink of an eye
All because
He decided
That a helmet wasnt for him
A very, very bad decision!


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Sad news. I lost another client

Yesterday afternoon I went volunteering, as i normally do. My supervisor picked me up. On the way there, she gave me some bad news. Actually it wasnt just bad news, it was quite shocking.
She told me that one of our clients had died. She was 72 years old. She died last Thursday evening, what had happened was, on Friday afternoon I had tried to call her and I didnt get through to her. So I told my supervisor that I didnt manage to get through. My supervisor thought she might be sleeping as she did that sometimes in the afternoon. So we thought no more of it and we said we’d try again on Monday.
On Saturday morning my supervisor was at home and she had to look up a website about funeral arrangements for a family member. She scrolled to the section for cork, and there before her eyes, the clients name appeared. Of course she was immediately in shock. She immediately called the clients next of kin to see what had happened to her.
What happened is quite morbid, but I will tell you anyway. On thursday evening the client fell down the stairs, backwards. She lay there on the floor all night, we arent sure if she was killed upon falling, or if she lay there for a while still alive. On friday morning, a passer by saw some blood coming out from under her door, and they called the police, and when the police went there they found her dead.
Of course we’re all in shock. She’d been a client of friendly call for the past 8 years. My supervisor took it really hard as she’d been visiting her one to one for a while as well as having her be on the phone service. I’m actually also in shock myself about it. The fact of how it happened, it is very disturbing to me.
You just really never know from day to day what is going to happen to you do you? I mean we talked to her on Thursday, she was fine, then this happened to her that night. Its very disturbing. She had a lot of serious mental health issues, and she was very hard work, but despite all that, none of us wanted anything like this to happen to her. Its just awful. So that was what I faced yesterday. I wasnt ok for the entire afternoon after hearing it. It really effected me deeply.
I’m a little bit better today. After a long chat about it to dr. barry I feel much better. I am reminded though of just how precious life really is. And also of how my work can and does really impact me on a deep level. I love my work, but I hate losing clients, and this is the second client who I’ve lost in the space of 2 months.

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I Found out some shocking news today at my dr. barry apt

so i saw dr. barry today. and man was I in for a shock.
You see, at the weekend, there was a very bad car crash near where I live. A man was on his way to the airport to catch a flight to the UK. It was 5 AM and the weather was really bad, it was really foggy out and raining heavily and visibility was very poor.
Well he was hit by a taxi driver as he walked on the street. The taxi driver drove off after hitting him. He killed him on impact. Well, why am I saying all this? Well, that guy, he was dr. Lawler, the psychiatrist who treated me four years ago when I was in the locked ward, when dr. barry asked for a second opinion about whether I was suitable to live alone, it was him she asked to assess us. He was a forensic psychiatrist.
What a shock I got! I had heard on the radio that he was a doctor, and they gave his name, and I have to say I kinda went, wow is it him? But then I didnt think any more about it until dr. barry asked me today if I’d heard the news.
I cant believe it! I was so stunned! He was such an incredibly kind man. Such a caring and very very kind doctor. He is really going to be missed by all of his colleagues and patients. He worked in the locked ward, but dr. barry said he also was a part of a lot of other ventures. His family were all in the UK, and that is where he was going, to see them for christmas.
The poor guy. It is so sad that he was killed. And man does it ever go to show that you just never know when something is going to happen to you. You never can tell when today is your last day, or if it will be. Life is so precious. So very precious.

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I did something uncharacteristic today.

I went to church. The rememberence service for the dead was on today. My aunt died last year, and her name was included in the 100 names of people that have passed away in the past year in our parish.

So I went to it, and I am proud of myself. It wasn’t an easy thing to do.

It was a very lovely service. There was a beautiful choir. Everyone who had lost someone got a candle to light. And all the names of those who died were read out.

I sat transfixed. I thought we’d be triggered. Quite the contrary though, we weren’t. Not in the slightest. I was so amazed by that too.

I even received communion, something I haven’t done in a long time. And I prayed. I prayed for friends. I prayed for family. I prayed for closure and for my continued healing.

At the end of the service I lit a candle for my grandad and gramma. And I said a silent prayer of thanks to them both. I thanked them for allowing me to stay mentally well these last 12 months. For allowing me to stay out of hospital. For allowing me to continue to heal, and for some other stuff, like my weight loss, like my good health, etc.

And now that its over, I am so glad we went.

And now, now I am seriously thinking about going back to church on a regular basis, like each weekend, going to mass, on sunday mornings. I’m seriously really seriously considering it.

For now though, I’m feeling content, I feel good, really good actually. Happy and very content. And very proud that I pushed myself to attend the service tonight.