poetry

pain swirls
around me like a whirlwind
i sit and wait
wait for it to end
but it doesnt
it continues to make me crazy
i shake uncontrollably
i sit and whimper
that feeling of grief
of all that i’ve lost
it creeps up on me
before i can even see
or notice
pain, grief
its all the same
and i think
to myself
how i’m to blame

LIZ HERE. I WANT TO JUST CUT

I WANT TO CUT. IT WILL TAKE MY PAIN AWAY. I AM IN TURMOIL. EMOTIONAL TURMOIL.
I CANT DEAL WITH THIS LEVEL OF PAIN. I FUCKING JUST CANT DO IT.
I NEED RELEASE. I NEED A WAY OUT.
I HAVE A MEANS TO DO IT. I HAVE RAZORS. I HAVE KNIVES. CAN I RESIST? I AM NOT SURE.
AT THIS POINT NOTHING IS WORKING. NOTHING IS SATISFYING MY URGES.
RELIEF IS ALL I CAN THINK OF, SWEET RELIEF.
IS ANYONE AROUND?
LIZ

Why do I cut?

WRITTEN BY LIZ

I LONG FOR THE COLD STEAL BLADE OF A KNIFE

TO TOUCH MY SKIN AND TAKE ME AWAY

TO MAKE ME FORGET ALL THE PAIN INSIDE

AND CALM THE NERVES THAT REFUSE TO SETTLE

I WANT THE FEELING THAT ONLY COMES BY THIS

THE FEELING THAT I CAN RELAX AND BREATHE

MY HEART FEELS SO COLD AND SO HEAVY

HOW CAN I KNOW ITS WARMTH WITHOUT THE BLOOD

IF MY BLOOD IS WARM THEN MY HEART MUST NOT BE FROZEN

I WANT THE BLANKNESS OF MY MIND, THAT IS UNIQUE TO THE STINGING AND LINES OF RED

THE ONLY WAY IVE EVER KNOWN OF, TO CLEAR OUT EVEN FOR A MOMENT ALL THAT HAUNTS ME

I WANT A PEACE THAT COMES OUT NUMB

THAT FEELS NOTHING, RATHER THAN EVERYTHING AT ONCE

HOW CAN ANYONE UNDERSTAND SUCH CONTRADICTIONS

LIFE AND WARMTH, WITH BLANKNESS AND NUMBNESS

YET THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT I CAN BRING OUT OF MYSELF

WITH ONLY A KNIFE PRESSED TO MY SKIN

ANGRY

I HATE LIFE. I HATE MY ABUSERS. I HATE EVERYTHING. I WANT TO GIVE UP. I’M SO PISSED. I WANT TO BREAK EVERYTHING IN THIS DAMN ROOM. FUCKING ABUSERS THEY ARE SCUM. CONSTANTLY HARASSING US. GETTING US ALL RILED UP. HARD NOT TO GET RILED UP. I JUST WANT TO FUCKING DIE. I REALLY REALLY DO. I AM DONE. I AM SO FUCKING DONE. BEAT DOWN AND DONE. LIFE SUCKS. MY LIFE IS PATHETIC. I AM A FAILURE. I COULDNT EVEN SUCCEED AT ENDING IT.
PIXIE AGE 21

Express

Sometimes, it feels like if I express my emotions, I’ll drown. Or the emotions will kill me.
Or, if I express who I really am everyone will leave me.
I feel alone with my huge and overwhelming emotions. That feels crippling.
https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/express/