Sorry to burst your little bubble, dad, but just because I am looking forward to my holiday does not mean I am not sad, feeling insecure, frustrated, upset about other stuff, just because I seem ok on the surface, I am still very much struggling with my mental illnesses.
I wish you could understand that. I wish you could be more supportive.
I’m your daughter after all, your supposed to know me well. But well, I guess you only see what you want to see. I guess you are or were hoping for a miracle cure. Sorry dad, no such luck.
well I might as well get up now…its almost 6 AM.
My dad will be getting up soon. He has to take his brother to a hospital apt this morning. He has to have a scan of his lungs.
I need coffee, anyone else want one? 😛
Pixie and Willow both were emailing Eileen. They are both struggling this morning. I hope they will be able to have some time in therapy to talk about what’s bothering them.
Looks like it will be a full session today.
I feel hungry. Think I’ll make a fruit salad and have some cerial for breakfast.
Ok, off to make my morning brew…catch ya all laters peeps 🙂
my mood is kind of dipping. i can feel it. i feel dispondent. agitated too. and irritated. i snapped at my dad. he annoyed me. he is so OCD about everything. That irritates me when I am not in a good mood. Mom went to her moms grave with my sister. I asked her to buy me some fruit in lidles while she was out, I need fruit for the week. She said that wasnt a problem she’d do it for me. I feel bad that I couldnt go to my grammas grave, but I just couldnt do it. I just felt too depressed. Being at a grave side wouldnt be good for us right now. I can still talk to my gramma and say a prayer for her, i dont think you have to actually visit the grave to show your love for a deceased person. I surprised my niece today which did make me feel good. I gave her my old net book computer. I got a new computer recently and wasnt using this one so I thought she’d benefit from it. She was thrilled. Giving it to her and seeing her reaction did lift my mood for a little while. I cant believe the weekends almost over. Back to regular routine tomorrow, ILS course, and therapy as well.
Whose in your immediate family?
so in my family there is myself, mom and dad, and I have one sister, named laura. my sister is 28, and I am almost 38.
my mom had me when she was 17, she is 55 now. my dad is 65.
I have one niece and one nephew, davin is my nephew, he’s five, and lauren is my niece, she’s almost 10.
My sister has a partner named davin senior. They are engaged…dont know though when they are getting married.
so dad is home from the eye hospital. and he’s ok. thanks everyone for all of the prayers. it turned out he has ingrown eyelashes, the doctor was able to pluck some of them, he has to go back in four weeks time, because he also has caterax and he has to have electrolosis to get out the remainder of the ingrown eyelashes. he’s now on an antibiotic, and a lubricant, and eye drops. he is still moody and saying he’s depressed. i suppose if i had his eye problems and other health problems i’d be depressed too.
i watch my dad
more than he loved me
his little girl
i watched as he drank
himself into an oblivion
more times than i care to count
then the lies would start
dont tell mom
its just one drink
i can manage it
it has not taken me over
the sad thing was though
it had, and to this day
it still does
no he may not drink as much
but even getting sorosis of the liver
didnt stop him
he stayed away from drink for 4 years
but an invitation to a wedding and he was back on it again
lies, oh so many lies
yes means no
maybe means never
i’m sorry means nothing at all
YEAH, GUYS, HE HAS, MY DAD, GONE AND FUCKING PISSED ME OFF AND HE’S LUCKY I DONT BEAT HIM WITH A FUCKING CHAIR OR SOMETHING, OK, THAT MIGHT BE A TAD O T T, BUT I AM THIS MAD WITH HIM, THAT I ACTUALLY COULD HARM HIM, SO I HAD TO GET OUT OF THE WAY!
EARLIER TODAY, MOM AND ME WERE FILLING OUT FORMS. THEY WERE FORMS ABOUT OUR BENEFITS. BEING A PRICK, AND THINKING HE KNOWS BEST, HE KEPT BUTTING IN, TELLING US WHAT TO DO, I TOLD HIM TO BUTT OUT NICELY, HE DIDNT, I YELLED AT HIM, HE YELLED AT ME, TRIGGERED THE HELL OUTA SOME OF THE YOUNGER INSIDERS HERE WITH HIS SUPER LOUD VOICE.
SO HE THEN PROCEEDS TO CALL MOM AND ME STUPID. AND HE SAID WE ARE THICK, AND TO LEAVE THE FORMS FOR HIM TO FILL OUT HIMSELF, BECAUSE WE HAVENT A CLUE WHAT WE ARE DOING.
BY THIS POINT, I WAS FURIOUS. I YELLED AT HIM SOME MORE, I COULD FEEL MY TEMPER RISING AND RISING. MY MOM HATES CONFLICT, SO SHE WAS TRYING TO BE THE PEACEMAKER.
IN THE END I WALKED OUT, I LEFT HIM GOING ON AND ON STILL ABOUT IT, TALKING TO NOBODY, AS BY THIS STAGE NOBODY WAS LISTENING TO HIM ANY MORE.
WHY IS MY FAMILY SO DISFUNCTIONAL, I FEEL SO ASHAMED OF HIS BEHAVIOUR AND OF MINE TOO…
HOW COULD HE CALL HIS OWN WIFE AND DAUGHTER THICK AND STUPID?