A crying mess

we’re a crying mess. i dont want to go to therapy. im so scared. i have no words. i’m frozen. i texted eileen. i hope she calls me. otherwise i might not be able to get out the door to go.
kelli age 16

I can feel the anxiety building

i’m super anxious. i can feel it building. its building up slowly. i am trying to distract. i’ve just taken my night meds, so I hope that might help. there is a clonadine in there, which is supposed to help with the anxious feelings. i took the meds early, because I thought I would sleep. I am very tired. But now I am too wound up to sleep. I feel too wired. So I doubt I will get much sleep. I could take some fenergan to help me sleep, but the down side to that is it makes me very very groggy. and i hate the grogginess. so i dont want to chance it. if i dont sleep tonight, i’ll probably give in and take it tomorrow night. i hate feeling so out of it though. its a horrible feeling to feel like you cant function. it even makes me slur my speech which i hate. so i’ll persevere and hope i get even a little sleep. some is better than none, right? i just had to let nitro outside, my friend sarah told me to breathe in the fresh air, so when I let nitro out, I stood outside and I breathed in the fresh night air which was very cool. It felt good. It was nice. And it did calm me a little. Although I was scared to be outside with nitro. I was in my front garden, but right now its only 8:20 PM here.
I just hope I’m not in for a hard night, I think its wishful thinking on my part though. My hunch is I am definitely in for a night of mental distress. Ug sigh.

the anxiety monster is rearing its ugly head again…

Anxiety! Fuck! I’m so so anxious!

I’m shaking like a leaf! I have palpitations, and my heart is pounding!

this is no fun, no fun at all!

I am seriously fed up with the massive amounts of anxiety that hits me at night. But what to do! I do everything I can to distract from it!

I wish I knew how to fix it!

I feel so out of it right now! Not sleeping at all either! Its gone midnight here now!

I just hope the anxiety monster lets up soon!

Just so sad

hhihihii its Emily
im just so sad
my heart hurts
ive been crying a lot
I cant stop
I feel numb
and theres a heavy weight too
weighing me down
I cant wait to go to therapy
I don’t like when I feel this way
life feels unmanageable
unbearable even
night time sucks
I hate it
I think i’ll go pet nitro
he makes me happy
hes such a cute dog
love him to bits
butterfly hugs
love
Emily age 12

Feeling down again

I am feeling really down. I really need to get my head straight. My anxiety gets so bad at night. I cant stand it.

I feel like I want to disappear. I am literally jumping out of my skin. I am a mess right now. I just want to cry uncontrollably.

This just sucks. Why is life so hard? Why do I feel so bad? Why is night time always the worst time?

I will go read. Maybe that will distract me. We can hope.

If anyones around could use a friend and or an ear.