Feel like cancelling therapy!

I am so anxious! I feel absolutely terrible!

I want to cancel my therapy session this morning! That’s not a good sign, as I almost never want to do that. I’m not gonna cancel it, but I really don’t feel up to having a session this morning.

However, I’ll push on through. I’ll tell Eileen how I am feeling. Maybe putting words on it is going to help me. I hope so!

I have 3 hours before the session. I need a cup of coffee and a good cry. I really feel like shit!

Is anyone around? Could use some support if you are!

Torment

when fear grips you
and you feel trapped
unable to move
unable to breathe
you sit there
staring into space
caught in the memories
of the past
you are froz\en
your body wracked with sobs
you try to claw your way back
out of the flashback your now stuck in
this is what torment feels like
so gripped by fear
that minutes blurr into hours
you cant tell what is real and what isnt
you are stuck
in a neverending loop
will you ever be free?

A crying mess

we’re a crying mess. i dont want to go to therapy. im so scared. i have no words. i’m frozen. i texted eileen. i hope she calls me. otherwise i might not be able to get out the door to go.
kelli age 16

I can feel the anxiety building

i’m super anxious. i can feel it building. its building up slowly. i am trying to distract. i’ve just taken my night meds, so I hope that might help. there is a clonadine in there, which is supposed to help with the anxious feelings. i took the meds early, because I thought I would sleep. I am very tired. But now I am too wound up to sleep. I feel too wired. So I doubt I will get much sleep. I could take some fenergan to help me sleep, but the down side to that is it makes me very very groggy. and i hate the grogginess. so i dont want to chance it. if i dont sleep tonight, i’ll probably give in and take it tomorrow night. i hate feeling so out of it though. its a horrible feeling to feel like you cant function. it even makes me slur my speech which i hate. so i’ll persevere and hope i get even a little sleep. some is better than none, right? i just had to let nitro outside, my friend sarah told me to breathe in the fresh air, so when I let nitro out, I stood outside and I breathed in the fresh night air which was very cool. It felt good. It was nice. And it did calm me a little. Although I was scared to be outside with nitro. I was in my front garden, but right now its only 8:20 PM here.
I just hope I’m not in for a hard night, I think its wishful thinking on my part though. My hunch is I am definitely in for a night of mental distress. Ug sigh.

the anxiety monster is rearing its ugly head again…

Anxiety! Fuck! I’m so so anxious!

I’m shaking like a leaf! I have palpitations, and my heart is pounding!

this is no fun, no fun at all!

I am seriously fed up with the massive amounts of anxiety that hits me at night. But what to do! I do everything I can to distract from it!

I wish I knew how to fix it!

I feel so out of it right now! Not sleeping at all either! Its gone midnight here now!

I just hope the anxiety monster lets up soon!

Just so sad

hhihihii its Emily
im just so sad
my heart hurts
ive been crying a lot
I cant stop
I feel numb
and theres a heavy weight too
weighing me down
I cant wait to go to therapy
I don’t like when I feel this way
life feels unmanageable
unbearable even
night time sucks
I hate it
I think i’ll go pet nitro
he makes me happy
hes such a cute dog
love him to bits
butterfly hugs
love
Emily age 12