LIZ UPDATING

SO AFTER WRITING THE LAST POST ABOUT BEING IN CRISIS, I WENT TO BED. I DIDNT TEXT EILEEN, I DECIDED I’D WAIT AND HANG TOUGH, SEE IF I WOULD BE ABLE TO RIDE IT OUT ON MY OWN. THANKFULLY I WAS ABLE TO, AND I AM GONNA EMAIL EILEEN THIS MORNING TO UPDATE HER. I KNOW SHE’S GONNA BE SO PROUD OF US FOR BEING ABLE TO GET THROUGH A TOUGH NIGHT ON OUR OWN. SHE’LL PROBABLY SAY I SHOULD’VE REACHED OUT, BUT TO BE HONEST, WE’D HAD A LOT OF CONTACT WITH HER ALREADY THIS WEEK, AND I WASNT SO SURE SHE’D APPRECIATE IT IF I TEXTED AGAIN IN CRISIS SO SOON. I KNOW YOU CANT HELP WHEN A CRISIS HITS, BUT I JUST DONT LIKE TO BOTHER HER TOO MUCH. EVEN THOUGH SHE’S TOLD ME ITS FINE, AND THAT I CAN ALWAYS TEXT OR EMAIL HER IF THE NEED ARISES. ANYWAY, I WENT TO BED, AT 8:30 AND I FELL INTO A DEEP SLEEP. IT WAS BLISS. I SLEPT FOR 5 HOURS AND WOKE UP FEELING WAY BETTER. MUCH BRIGHTER. I GOT UP AND LET NITRO OUT, HAD A SHOWER, MADE A COFFEE, AND AM NOW SITTING HERE READING EMAIL. THE CRISIS HAS PASSED…YAY. AM SO THRILLED. AND WE DIDNT SELF HARM. ANOTHER WIN. THIS MORNINGS GOING TO BE A BUSY ONE FOR US. OUR PA FRANCES COMES AT 9, AND WE GOTTA GO TO THE STORE TO BUY GROCERIES. I HAVENT BEEN TO A STORE SINCE ALL THIS SOCIAL DISTANCING STARTED, SO I AM A LITTLE APPREHENSIVE ABOUT GOING. I HEARD THEY’RE ONLY ALLOWING A COUPLE PEOPLE IN AT A TIME, AND YOU HAVE TO GET IN LINE IF YOU WANT TO GO IN. I DO NEED FOOD THOUGH SO I’LL BRAVE THE STORE. I’M GOING TO WALK THERE, ITS ABOUT A HALF HOUR FROM MY HOUSE. THE FRESH AIR WILL DO US GOOD. I’LL GET A TAXI HOME AFTERWORDS. I ALSO AM WORKING ON FRIENDLY CALL TODAY, WAS MEANT TO HAVE NEXT WEEK OFF OF WORK BUT NOW IT ISNT HAPPENING, I HAVE TO WORK AGAIN ALL 5 DAYS NEXT WEEK. AT LEAST ONCE I GET DONE TODAY I’LL HAVE THE WEEKEND OFF. I’M GOING TO FIND SOMETHING ON NETFLIX AND BINGE WATCH IT. ANYONE GOT ANY RECOMMENDATIONS FOR ME? OR SOMETHING ON AMAZON PRIME? I’M LOOKING FOR GOOD SHOWS TO WATCH, SO IF ANYONE HAS ANY LET ME KNOW. WELL THATS ABOUT IT FOR NOW….THANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR THE SUPPORTIVE COMMENTS YOU LEFT FOR ME. WE ALL APPRECIATE THEM. YOU ALL ROCK!
LIZ

FROM LIZ, IN A BIT OF A MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS!

WE ARE IN A MAJOR MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS! I AM IN SO MUCH TURMOIL! I STARTED FREAKING OUT EARLIER, AND I CANT CALM DOWN. I AM SOOO ANXIOUS. I HAVE HAD MEMORIES AND FLASHBACKS GOING ON FOR HOURS NOW. WE’VE BEEN SWITCHING LIKE CRAZY, I’VE JUST COME OUT LONG ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO SIT DOWN TO WRITE THIS NOW. BEFORE THIS KIDS WERE ALL CRYING AND FREAKING OUT, TRIGGERFEST, WHAT A FUCKING MESS! WE ARE HAVING URGES TO SELF HARM, AND FEELING LIKE WE SHOULD JUST END IT. WE FEEL SO SO UNWELL AND VERY UNSTABLE. THINK I SHOULD TEXT EILEEN BUT DUNNO IF I CAN? AFRAID TO? JUST CAUSE I DONT WANNA BOTHER HER? LIKE CAUSE WE ONLY SAW HER YANNO TODAY? AND MAYBE SHE DOESNT WANT TO BE BOTHERED? I NEED TO PUT MY FEARS ASIDE AND JUST TEXT HER! OMG GUYS I AM IN SUCH A MESS. I’M LITERALLY SHAKING FROM HEAD TO TOE! I CANT EVEN PUT WORDS TO THE MEMORIES. THEY’RE ALL JUMBLED SNIPPETS, NOTHINGS CLEAR. ALL I GET ARE GLIMPSES, BUT WHEN I TRY TO PIECE IT TOGETHER I CANT. MY ANXIETYS THROUGH THE ROOF! I AM SO, SO ANXIOUS. I AM ANCI AND JITTERY, AND CANT SIT STILL FOR MORE THAN 5 MINUTES! HELP SOMEONE HELP ANYONE I NEED SOMEONE! I AM NOT OK!
LIZ

Virus-free. www.avg.com

We’re in lockdown now!

Well it has happened! We are now officially in lockdown!

The government made an announcement early this evening.

All schools are closed, they said until April 19th, but I’m pretty sure it will be for longer than that.

We’re not allowed to gather in groups of more than 4 people!

All non essential businesses are closed! Restaurants, cafe’s, everything is shut down!

Grocery stores are staying open, but we arent allowed to go out unless its absolutely essential.

They said we’re in this for the long haul. This could go on for months is what they said.

There is a law now that if your in a taxi, you have to sit in the back seat. You cant sit in the front.

Police are on the streets, manning the public parks, and other amenities.

I’ll be staying home, not gonna go to my parents. My PA said she’s still working, and unless that changes, I’ll be staying put.

I need access to good wifi, to do therapy, and my conference calls for slimming world.

So thats where things are at. I am anxious, very, very anxious. My anxiety has hit an entirely new level.

The only thing we can do now is sit tight, and wait, wait for this to pass, and as our local media here keeps saying, it will pass. It wont go on forever.

Virus-free. www.avg.com

Insomniac again:2:44 AM

Its 2:44. Am wide awake. Only slept for about an hour. And when I slept it was just light sleep. I tossed and turned, kept waking. I am feeling very nervous, and I was feeling like that before I went to bed too. I am not sure why I am so nervous. All I know is, I am anxious and kinda spooked. Not a nice way to feel. Mental health sucks. Anxiety is a bitch. It constantly threatens to knock me off my feet. Fucking hate it. I am probably up for the rest of the night now. Turned on the radio and will probably make either some tea or a cup of coffee soon. Am reading some blog posts and will do that for a while. At least I can always go to bed later if needs be. The joys of staying home, at least I am not going out anywhere so if I get tired can go to bed to rest.

Feel as if I’m in crisis

My stomach is doing flips. I feel like I am in a bit of a crisis. I am trying to stay calm. I am super anxious though. It is not cool. I hate feeling this way.
Why is mental illness so tough to live with?
I want the feelings to disappear. I am tired of feeling so unstable. I need a break from my mind.
Doubt Ill get it though. Tats just wishful thinking on my part.
Oh well, a girl can hope…

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/03/11/crisis/

Mentally feeling very unwell

I feel very mentally unstable. I’m very dissociative, depressed and anxious.

I’ve slept a lot this afternoon, for a few hours, despite thinking I would be able to stay awake. I just didnt have the energy or motivation to stay awake.

At least I’m remembering to take my meds, which is a positive I guess.

I hung out with my mom and dad for a while this evening, watching the TV. That seemed to help a little bit. It got me out of my head, and stopped the negative thoughts I was having.

Now me and Nitro are in the bedroom, and mom and dad will be going to bed soon, but I’ll probably be awake for the majority of the night. Even with meds on bord, I doubt I’ll sleep. I’m too wired, too wound up to sleep. My head feels full. I’m actually feeling very emotional right now, as well as very dissociative.

Yeah, I guess its just another day in the life of someone living with mental anguish, sucks to be me.

I heard from the weekend team!

So I got a call this morning at around 10:30 from the weekend team. A nurse called Melissa phoned me. First she called my mom, because she had the wrong phone number for me, so when she tried it obviously I never answered and she got worried, so she called my mom, as my mom is down as my next of kin.

Anyway, when she called me, and finally got through to me, we had a nice chat. We talked about my anxiety and my low mood, and I told her I’d had very broken sleep last night. She encouraged me to get out today if I could. I told her I may go to see a friend, but I never ended up doing that. I went to my parents house instead.

She also encouraged me not to nap today. She said if I didnt that I’d probably sleep better tonight. So I havent napped. I’m still having a lot of trouble with the anxiety, I feel very anxious and am glad to be at my parents where I feel safer.

She told me that if I needed to I could call them back today as they’d be there until 5 PM today, and after that, if I needed to that I should contact the hospital if I needed to see someone, I wont have to do that though. I’m seeing Dr. Barry on Monday, so I can wait until then. I’m sure I can manage until I see her on Monday and when I do I am planning on discussing everything with her from the last few weeks and I am hopeful she’ll have some advice for me.

Melissa said they’d call me again tomorrow morning to check in with me and see how I am doing. Thats fine with me.