TEXTED EILEEN ON CHRISTMAS!

SO I GOT TO TEXT OUR THERAPIST EILEEN YESTERDAY. I DECIDED I’D TEXT HER TO WISH HER A MERRY CHRISTMAS!

SO I DID! AND SHE TEXTED US BACK TO SAY HAPPY CHRISTMAS, SHE SENT SOME CUTE IMOGIES OF A CHRISTMAS TREE AND SNOWMAN TOO HAHAHA IT WAS SO CUTE!

IM GLAD WE TEXTED HER. EMILY ALSO JUST EMAILED HER THIS MORNING, TO TELL HER ABOUT OUR CHRISTMAS! SHE WANTED TO SHARE WITH HER ABOUT WHAT WE GOT!

IT WAS NICE THAT SHE THOUGHT OF US. IT FELT GOOD TO CONNECT WITH HER ON THE HOLIDAYS!

LIZ

Lisa. Learning to feel my feelings and working in therapy

Hi guys
My name is Lisa. I am 17 years old.

I am one of Emilys insiders. I am a dark in Ems system.

This week I worked with Eileen. I had spoken to her on the phone one other time but I had never talked directly to her. I decided this week that I would. I’d been feeling intensely suicidal. I thought maybe she can help me with that.

She did help me a lot. We talked about my feelings and the hopelessness I feel all the time. I’m always suicidal. It gets really old. I just dont feel any other way.

Eileen asked how that helps me. How does it help me to always feel like this?

I dont know how it does. I got lost for words. I find it hard to articulate things sometimes. Eileen said it was ok. She said we’d track how I am feeling and see where it goes.

She asked me if I’d like to use the pulsers. So I did. I was nervous to use them. I havent ever tried them out.

We tracked the feelings. That part was hard. I am not used to feeling my body. I found it hard to describe the sensations I was feeling and I also found it hard to describe in words how it was for me using the pulsers.

We worked on making a safe space for me to go when the emotions and overwhelm hits. I chose to create a mobile home. So we worked on creating that. Worked on what I’d put in there to make it safe for me.

I said I’d have a big tv, where I could stream netflicks, and a music centre, where I could play my rap music.

I said I’d be able to have soft fleec blankets to wrap up in, and a nice ginger bread latte to drink whenever I wanted one. Those are the things which make me feel safe.

At first it felt weird to be trying to create this space. But after a while it got a little easier. I was able to imagine it more easily. Of course Eileen was also helping me so I wasnt on my own doing it which was nice.

She said we’d work more on the feelings in the new year. Work more on why I feel so suicidal. What might be causing it. For now she told me to shelve the memories. And when I start to feel overwhelmed to go to my space space, my mobile home inside.

I can do that. I’m glad I had a session. I’m glad I tried the pulsers. I’m glad we did this piece of work. I think I might learn to like therapy. I like Eileen. She is very kind. She is also very helpful.

She also asked me if I’d like her to place a hand on my shoulder while we worked. So I said I would try it out. She said I was in charge, I could tell her exactly where her hand should go. She put it on my shoulder, and then she asked me if that felt ok, if it was in the right place, or did I want it to be some other way. She asked me to show her what I wanted so I did.

It felt so sootheing to have her hand there, a kinda holding, a calm, sootheing thing, I felt so held, contained, so safe. It was wonderful.

I hope I can do some more work soon and maybe deal with some of the emotion I feel, the memories I have, and the suicidal thoughts an d urges.
Lisa

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Emily. Christmas card for Eileen

hihihii everyone
well I did it. I gave Eileen her card on Monday. and she loved it.
she got a big surprise. cuz when she opened it a whole bunch of glittery snowflakes fell out.
hahahaha
I put them in there as a surprise for her
she loved them she thot they were so cool
she asked me if I had help making the card
or did I do it on my own
I told her I had no help I was able to do it all by myself
she read the message I put inside too and loved it
I was delighted that she loved the card
I got a huge big smile on my face giving it to her
I felt so happy
we had a cuddle too
a big big bear hug
it was nice
her hugs always make me feel so safe and loved
now tomorrow I get to see dr. barry
and I get to give her a card too
two cards one from me
and one that our friend safiyah maked
I also gave Eileen a card our friend safiyah maked
that was from all of us
the ones I maked are just from me and my insiders
so happy I got to make cards
for the important people in my life
butterfly hugs
loves you,
Emily age 12

Therapy today was good

we had a good therapy session today. the kids were happy cuz they had time with eileen. april and emily both has some time to talk. i dont remember a lot about today. except that we worked with the pulsers a little. to try to help emilys system of insiders. it seems some of her young ones are running things. and eileen said we need to try to change that. jade is now living with emily as you all know. so she is an outside adult that lives where em lives inside. in the same house. that is helping. but a lot of ems insiders are still really protective of em. they are all still afraid to really let her take over much. it was worrying today. we got to therapy and it seems an 8 year old insider named april took us there in the taxi. she’s one of ems insiders. none of us had any recollection of what we did this morning when we woke up. how we dressed, or washed or ate or what we did. we just didnt know. but somehow we got to therapy. when eileen came in april was out. eileen was very worried. as am I. this situation is not good. it happens to us every so often. so we’re going to work on that soon too I think. we got very dissociative this morning too during our session. our body felt all kinds of weird. we were really feeling dizzy and like elastic that is stretched, and about to snap. eileen came over and held us. she also placed her hand on our back for some extra support. of course she asked before she did it, she’d never just do it without asking first. it felt calming to have her place a hand on our back and rest it there. like she was sootheing us. it felt so good. it immediately calmed us down. overall it was a good session. we left feeling less dissociative. less edgy. liz came out at the end as I was busy with kids. but she came out and talked with eileen for a few minutes before we ended the session. well actually eileen asked for her. so i think she felt a little special that eileen had asked her to come out. it was good though the session was. two more before our christmas break. im nervous about the break. eileen kept telling liz to remember how much we have going on right now. like for example our social life, college, etc. that we’d manage. she said she’ll put extra support in place for us over christmas. that maybe she could go some phone check ins and we can also email her. she’ll be on vacation for two weeks over christmas. but really it’ll be 3 weeks. its just how the weeks fall. im sure it’ll be ok though. at least i hope it will be.

carol anne

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Therapy tomorrow!

Yay! 😀 I am so looking forward to it!
I just cant wait to see Eileen!
I’ve been having longing feelings all weekend, am longing to be in the safety of her office, longing to be with her, to have her sitting in front of us, with her calming presence and reassuring voice!
Telling us we’re ok, we’re safe, and all is going to work out and be well!
I need that right now! I am feeling insecure tonight!
Alls I gotta say is, thank god therapy day is almost here!
😀

she makes me feel safe

hhihihii everybody
its me em
im feeling good tonight
i just emailed eileen
i telled her she maked me feel safe today
and it felt good and i liked being in therapy today
the session was good
i feel like she gets us and she helps us so much
protects us and loves us and validates us
i love her for all that
i love her cuz shes so kind
and warm and caring and gentle and thoughtful
and shes realy caring and a good therapist too
my dark insiders are calmer tonight
they are scared about eileen maybe leaving us
i told her to maybe tell them she isnt going to do that
she did tell us today but they are still doubtful about it
i think they find it hard to trust
but they are working on it
it just takes a long time
cuz we’ve been hurt so much by people in the past
who said they would be there and werent leaving
and then they just did
and that hurted so much
im so thankful for eileen
shes my best therapist ever
i hope we’ll be seeing her for a real long time
i think so
im happy about that
im also happy we get a fluffy blanket in her office now
i love it
its all cosy and comfy and warm and makes me feel safe
and her holding me made me feel safe to
butterfly hugs
loves you,
emily age 12

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Therapy time!

Time to go to therapy! Oh I am excited!
Two whole weeks since we’ve seen Eileen! I need a big bear hug from her!
I am so looking forward to our session!
Im sure it’ll be amazing! And productive too!
Better get moving now or I’ll be late!

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