missing our sisters bbq

im bummed. our sisters having a bbq tomorrow. and we’ll miss it.

carol anne says we’re going to the basement club instead of the bbq.i like the basement club, but i cant come out down there. im not allowed.

its not a place for kids to be out. well thats what our bigs say.

i wanted to have a bbq though. eat sausages and burgers. i dont think carol anne wants to though because of our diet.

we did get some crisps though for a treat, we’ll have them this weekend. on saturday night when we’re watching britains got talent, and carol anne says we can have a chicken burger on saturday for our dinner so thats good i guess.

i think chicken burgers are yummy. and carol anne said she’ll even make us cocktail sauce to put on it, yummy.

allie im 9

I slept well

its almost 7 AM. I woke at 6, wasnt able to go back to sleep, so got up. Its hot. Very warm, its gonna get up to 20 degrees c today,which is warm for us.
I didnt go to bed until almost 1 AM. But I fell asleep almost right away, cuddled up next to Nitro. I read for about an hour before bed. I was going to stay up very late, but then decided against that.
I’ll be having a chilled out kinda morning. I will just potter around the house and not get up to much. Will shower, have breakfast, and then wait for mom to come over, she is going to cut my grass today, and help me with laundry.
I hope you all have a great day, thanks for reading!

NERVOUS ABOUT WHAT DR. BARRY WILL SAY NEXT WEEK

ITS WILLOW. I’M SOO NERVOUS TO TALK TO DR. BARRY NEXT WEEK. I’M SO ANXIOUS ABOUT WHAT SHE IS GOING TO SAY. SHE WONT BE HAPPY WITH ME. ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE KNOWS I STOCKPILED MEDS AND NOW WE HAVE NONE AND ARE OFF OF OURS. SHE’LL PROBABLY BE MAD. I WISH I DIDNT HAVE TO TELL HER WHAT I DID. I’M JUST SO ANXIOUS ABOUT IT. I FEEL LIKE I AM DISAPPOINTING HER. AND WHAT IF SHE WONT TRUST US AGAIN NOW, IT WILL BE ALL MY FAULT IF SHE DOESNT. CAROL ANNE SAYS SHE THINKS IT’LL BE OK, THAT SHE’LL BE PLEASED WE COULD BE HONEST WITH HER ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED. I HOPE SHE’S RIGHT. I’M STILL FEELING SUICIDAL ON AND OFF. NO ACTIVE PLANS THOUGH. JUST FEELINGS. JUST FEELING SO LOW AND LIKE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE. LIKE IT WOULD BE BETTER AND WE’D ALL BE BETTER OFF IF I WASNT. BUT I DO REALISE THAT IF I KILL THE BODY THEN I WILL KILL ALL OF US AND I DONT WANT TO MAKE OTHER INSIDERS SUFFER JUST BECAUSE IM SUFFERING. THAT ISNT FAIR OF ME. SO I AM STRUGGLING ON ALONE. WENDY AND LIZ ARE BOTH HELPING ME BY TALKING TO ME ABOUT MY FEELINGS. IT DOES HELP A LITTLE BIT.
WILLOW

A tough day so far

having a really tough day here. went out, but had to come right back home again.
just wasnt coping. felt so anxious. and also feeling really tearful and depressed. think others feelings are blending in with mine.
thats always hard for me. its hard to entertain others feelings. the joys of being multiple i guess.
so i came home and went to bed. slept for a few hours, maybe 3. it was very fitful sleep though.
got up and ate. and now sitting in front of the computer staring at the screen. wondering what to do next, have so much to do, need to do dishes, not in the mood. need to make my bed, cant be bothered. need to empty the bins, dont wanna do it.
can you tell im having a bad day?

Good Monday morning

good morning everyone 😀
how is everyone? have you got any plans for today?
its raining here. i noticed it when i let nitro out. its not even 8 AM yet. I woke up at 6:30. couldnt go back to sleep so got up.
I plan on getting out of the house today. Going to the basement club. Even though its raining, I’m still going to go. I’m getting cabin fever from being indoors.
I just remembered something. I emailed my supervisor at the preschool to tell her that I could no longer come in because I was no longer doing the ILS course, and I havent heard back from her which is very strange, as normally she is very prompt about responding to emails. I wonder if I should email her again?
I also got a form in the mail. Its a form to allow me to deposit a monthly cheque I get into my bank account. Since I had trouble with the cheque not arriving on time last month, I figured it’d be better to just have the money depositited into my bank account, easier on everyone.
Mom said she’d fill it out and post it for me.
well I am gonna go drink my coffee and call my mom. Catch you all later…
carol anne

Goals 20th May 2018

another lazy day with not much going on today in our house.
my goals for today are just a few. simple goals for a sunday.

1 sleep in late
2 shower
3 eat 3 healthy meals
4 go to my friends house to train her
5 go for a walk with the dog
6 read
7 do something self care related