My first day of college went well!

So our first day of college went well! It was great!
We learned a lot. The wrap training was good!
We have a second day of wrap training in Jan. Its a 12 hour training!
I did have one mishap though. Nitro got a panic attack and I had to leave early with him! He was too hot I think the room was really warm and there was 25 of us in there and 2 lecturers!
But it was ok! As soon as we got home he was ok again!
And I only left with an hour to go of the training.
But I enjoyed it! We did some really cool ice breaker games too! We did this one game where you had to say a word before your name, so like lovely linda, I said sarcastic shirley for mine! Lol.
Overall a fun day though! I am excited to start properly in January! There are four modules in total. The lecturers said that our first module is the hardest, it has 3 assignments for it.
We also have field trips and presentations and stuff to do.
Its going to be a lot of fun and a lot to learn I think!


I have been so bad. I forgot to take my meds for a few days.

I just went out and took them. I hope I wont have any symptoms from the not taking them. I hope they’ll help.

My mood has dipped. I dont feel too good right now. I feel kinda shitty.

The pharmacy forgot to put my prazosin in my weekly script so I am without that now. It means very little sleep for me and probably nightmares too.

I hate nightmares, I get so afraid to go to sleep if I think I will get them.

My mind is on overload. I dont feel I can settle down yet. I have tried but wasnt abel to.

Oh well I think I’ll just go through email or read. That should make me slow down a little bit.


final apt with dr. barry now she’s on holidays for 2 weeks

just had our final apt with dr. barry for 3 weeks. she is away for 2 of them, and once she’s back it will be another week before we see her, we dont see her now again until the 29th.
this morning she had a student doctor with her, a male doctor, we usually dont allow them to come in to our sessions, but today I said it would be ok if he stayed. He seemed like a nice guy. And he has to learn too I suppose.
We talked about Eileen being away, she asked me how I am coping. I told her some of the things we’ve done to cope, like journalling, seeing friends, reading, etc. I also told her about Eileen recording a book for the kids, giving them a transitional object to keep for her while she’s gone, etc.
we talked about my volunteering, I told her about the incident yesterday where I had a suicidal caller on the phone, I was telling her that had really effected me, she asked me if I had support for when I get calls like that, so I told her I do, she seemed fine then once I told her I had enough support around that. I think she’s just concerned for me, concerned in case my own mental health takes a nose dive. I think its very sweet of her to be so concerned.
She went on to tell me that the CPN sarah is back from her holidays now, and that she’d put in a written referral for me to see her next week, she said Sarah would be in touch with me over the next few days and that we could meet or whatever I feel comfortable doing. I was feeling a little bit sad, because I hate when Dr. barry is gone, it brings up all sort of attachment pain, and 3 weeks is a long time, especially when I see her so often. She told me that it will go by fast, and to hold on to all of the resources I have, that I have a lot, and it will be ok, I will cope.
I want to believe her, I really do, so I will do everything I can to stay safe, and stay strong.
On the way up to the desk to make the next appointment, she asked me about my weight loss, as she forgot to ask while we were in the appointment. I was telling her how much I’m down now, and then she started to admire my top, saying I look really good, I am looking really well and that my top was beautiful on me. She’s sooo sweet. I love her and I felt so good when she said I looked nice.
I’m hopeful I can get through the next few weeks without too many issues, and before I know it she’ll be back and we’ll be seeing her again.
carol anne


Question of the day

What one coping skill do you use time and time again to help in your recovery?

For me it is writing. I love writing. I always have. I love my blog. My blog helps me so much. I write, and people give me support, so its a win win. Its wonderful. I am so glad I started blogging. Now its a coping skill I use over and over again.

How about you?


appointment with dr. barry

we had an apt with dr. barry today as well. she had to see us today as she was doing something on wednesday that prevented her from seeing us then.
it was good to see her. i had a long wait before going in though which wasnt so good. but i got through it and it was all worth it in the end when i saw her.
we talked about therapy and i told her what we’d been doing today. she thought what we’d been doing was great. i was telling her about the insider who came out and was all confused and disorientated. i told her she couldnt answer any of eileens questions, all she kept saying was I dont know. dr. barry said maybe it would be good to try to figure out why she actually came out, like what brought her out. eileen though similarly. so i think we need to do that.
we talked about meds. dr. barry asked me if I am sure that none of our meds are being stockpiled or stored up. if they are being taken right. i said yes i am pretty sure they are.
then we started talking about her holiday which will be coming up soon. in a couple of weeks. dr. barry goes on holiday on august 13th until the 27th. there is one week where herself and eileens vacatins overlap. we were trying to brainstorm today to see what we could come up with for some extra support for us during that time.
at first dr. barry asked if I wanted to see one of the doctors on her team while she was away. I quickly said no to that. there are 3 male doctors on the team, 2 on the team and one locum covering while she’s on holiday. she knows i dont really like seeing male doctors so she didnt push it.
instead she said she’d ask sarah the community psychiatric nurse to check in with me that week the week that both her and eileen are away. i wasnt expecting her to do that. so it was nice that she offered and said she would. she said she’d tell her and also write her a note just in case she forgot to mention it to her. sarah is currently on holiday so she couldnt just tell her today.
it will be good that we’ll have someone to talk to while they are both on holiday. im so happy about that. i know sarah too which helps. we’ve seen her for a couple of sessions last year so she knows us and we know her.
dr. barry is a gem to put this in place for us. i really appreciate that she did that for us.
other than that the rest of the appointment was pretty much uneventful. we’ll see her again in two weeks, and the next time will be the last time before her two week vacation. however, i’m confident now that we’ll be ok and we’ll get through the vacation without any issues.

My I hate adulting moment passed thank god

thank you to all of you who were so supportive of us earlier when I had my I hate adulting moment. It means the world to me.
I’m feeling much better now. i went to my friend normas house. I did some training with her and that distracted me and helped me to feel better.
Got home about half an hour ago and have just eaten dinner. Was very healthy today and I even ate fish for dinner, I normally wouldnt eat a lot of fish.
Just found out that tomorrow me and my sister and mom and my moms sister and a few of her grandkids and my sisters kids we are all going to go to a local lake and have a bbq and paddle in the lake and just have a fun chillax sorta day.
I am excited to do that. I love family outings.
Hopefully I’ll sleep good tonight, since I have been up since 4 AM. I’m pretty exhausted now. I doubt I’ll stay up too late tonight. I might read for an hour or so but no more than that. A girl needs her beauty sleep lol.
carol anne