Found out

Just got back from therapy. I found out that it was Eileens husband who got ill while she was away. It was serious, he got very ill. He’s on the mend now though. They got home last week he got transferred to a hospital here in Cork. They were taken home from Spain by ear ambulance. I need said that was a really daunting experience, I am Arjun it would have been. It was a shock to find out that it was her husband. I’ve spoken to him a few times on the phone before. He’s a very nice man. Just to know that it was someone so close to her who got sick, that was shocking. It’s good to know he’s going to be okay. She is taking another few weeks off work but she will continue to see us. She’s also taking a break from college she lectures at college she’s taking a break for a few weeks while he recovers. It was so good to see her today. Such a relief to have her home. Missed her like crazy really really missed her a lot.

Therapys resuming on monday yay!

Eileen is home! She rang me this morning! She’s finally home! Yay! I am sooo thrilled!
We’re having a session on Monday at 10! I am delighted! Its so good to have her home!
She only got home at the end of this week! Things can go back to normal now yay!
Normal service can resume!
This good news has made my weekend! 😀
I am on cloud 9 to have her back home!


Fowc:so many layers

When you have did, there are so many layers at least for us there are anyway, I think its pretty similar for most did folk. We have tons of alters, because we are a polyfrggmented system. That means, there are more than a hundeed alters. The way our system works, there are sub systems, in the main system. So there is the outer layer, and then more inner layers.  then there are also some alters who have insiders of their own, so they have their own alters inside of themselves. I know its confusing, it is for us too.  We’re still getting to know Emilys insiders, she’s been working hard with Eileen in therapy, she knows them, but the rest of us we don’t know a whole lot about them. She keeps them very protected, and they in turn protect her.  Sometimes Emilys insiders will pretend to be Emily, so that we don’t know its actually one of them whose out. Did is a complicated thing.  Then in our system there are darks, and lights, the darks have been subjected to a lot of abuse, some of the lights have too, but mainly, the lights are out to help, protect the body, they are cooperative, they are helpful, they want to do good all of the time. The darks on the other hand, they are destructive, non cooperative, and they don’t want to help the system, but now some of ours are changing, they’ve been doing a lot of hard work in therapy, and I applaud that. They’ve been so courageous, discussing their memories, changing roles, getting new roles etc. Having did is definitely a roller coaster ride. I wouldn’t change it though. Not for anything. I guess I am just so used to it now.


FOWC with Fandango — Layer



What a night!

No sleep here again tonight! Meds on bord, still nothing! I am about to go mental! Literally! I can feel a meltdown coming on! Its now gone 5 AM and I’ve been up all night. I guess I will try to stay awake now all day, so that by tonight I am so exhausted that I’ll actually sleep! We can hope, anyway!
Wonder how I’ll be for the apt with Catrina? I hope I can manage to function semi normally for it!
Right now I feel bla and my mood is low and I just feel like canceling it!
I wont, though. I’ll be a good girl and go to it.
Well gonna go make a coffee! I need it to perk me up!



in the darkness
i sit
shaking uncontrollably
fear grips me
i feel sick
what to do
what do i do?
suddenly it hits me
im stuck
stuck in a memory
of yesteryear
it threatens to engulf me
bringing me to my knees
tears begin to fall
i want out!
out of this pain!
i want an end to it!
the memory threatens to swallow me whole
where do I go?
from here?


Looks like…

2 hours of sleep is all I’m gonna get!

I guess its better than nothing! I wish I’d gotten a little more though!

I’m probably going to be dragging tomorrow by the afternoon. Its almost 4 Am now.

I did get an hours nap earlier too so there is that.

I’ve really given up on getting good sleep at this point. I just get it when I am able to.

Eileen has a secret? update on that

so its all worked out! we know now where eileens going next week! Heres what she said in her email back to me!
Hello all, I am so sorry! It is in no way that I wanted to keep a secret, I just know how much you worry and wanted to save you from that. Im going to Krakow in Poland. Of course I can understand now that my response would have actually caused more worry rather that alleviate it. I think we had that conversation at the last minute and I didnt have time to consider the impact my answer was bound to have.
Apologies again
Take care

thank goodness she told us! I am so glad she did, now we just have to try not to worry about her too much! We promised her we would try hard not to worry too much and just focus on her getting back and on seeing her for our session on wednesday!