I AM HURTING EVERYTHING IS A MESS MY EMOTIONS ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE I CANT DEAL I JUST CANT DEAL I FEEL SO OVERWHELMED I WANT TO CUT I THINK THAT’D MAKE ME FEEL BETTER AT LEAST TEMPORARILY I KNOW I WONT THOUGH I WILL NOT DO WHAT MY EMOTIONS ARE TELLING ME TO DO THOUGH INSTEAD I WILL SIT HERE I WILL READ MY BOOK I WILL DRINK COFFEE I WILL TRY NOT TO WALLOW I WILL TRY TO DISTRACT BY GOING THROUGH EMAIL AND THEN FACE TIMING MY FRIEND LATER TONIGHT I COULD REALLY USE SOME SUPPORT IF ANYONE CAN MANAGE IT
hi it is emily. im 12. im very scared. there is so much internal fighting going on. its hard for me. i know everything about our system. i dont like when the darks fight. it makes me so nervous. eileen says i need to let go and be 12. but how can i? i have to be responsible and make sure things are running smoothly. she said no i dont. that i need to let the adults do it, take care of things. she said its important for me to just be a kid. liz says she’ll take care of things. she said i have to trust her. so im trying hard to trust that she knows what she’s doing.
hi everbudy me be at voluntering me alowed ote here nobudys wachin us so it saf to com ote i am siping carol annes cofee lexi did too we took a turn each to tast it it is strong i don think i lik it very much
goals for tuesday…
eat 3 healthy meals
exercise for 30 minutes
hang out with my friend
read a couple chapters of my book
ring housing maintanence about fixing my shower
prepare for my dr. barry apt
therapy today was hard. hard and draining. i wont write much about it here. i’ll let the people who had the session do it if they feel like it. but suffice to say i came home drained. had some food and lay down. promptly fell asleep and napped all afternoon. now its gone 8 pm and i probably wont sleep for the night. i just couldnt seem to get up each time i woke. i did get up to feed nitro. i got up to get a drink and let him out but that was about it. eventually i did wake at like 7:45 and got up then. i really shouldnt do this because my sleep pattern is all wrong now. but i guess it doesnt matter too much. i havent got much on tomorrow. i do have volunteering but thats all that i have on so if i am up all night i guess it really doesnt matter.
i sad tonite. i skard to. i no like the dark. it dark ote side now. i fraid of it.
i wish eileen was here. she culd hug me.
is anyone der? anyone to tok to?
theres no way im gonna be able to sleep tonight. its far too hot. i’m sweltering in this bedroom. we even have all of the windows open. still its roasting, its so humid, there is more humidity than actual heat, thats worse IMO than if the sun was blazing. I think I’m in for a night of very little sleep.
Wish me luck guys.