so i’m still very anxious. the anxiety hasnt lessened at all. i took my night meds, in the hopes that would help some, as there is clonadine in there for the anxiety.
it hasnt helped, although i only took them about 30 minutes ago. i did nap earlier which i was glad about. i got about 90 minutes of sleep. the 90 mins i got was pretty decent sleep.
we’re under a weather advisory tonight and tomorrow and i think on tuesday as well. there is talks of us having hail, sleet and snow showers. i’m not sure if we’ll get it or not but they’re saying we could. i do have therapy in the morning but thats all that i have on tomorrow. so if it is pretty bad at least i can stay home.
i just wish i felt good. i really feel awful. im not liking the feelings this anxiety is bringing up in me. hopefully in therapy tomorrow we can address some of it. i’m sure its more than just one thing causing it.
i had another call today from the weekend team. this morning, a nurse called mary who I also knew from the hospital, when she was a nurse on the ward rang me. she was nice, and she talked me through some stuff. it was a good call, and it did help me to feel a little better.
if i need the weekend team again next weekend i can ring the outpatient clinic during the week and ask for a referral to go in so that they can visit me and call me. i wont be going to my parents house next weekend, so if I get referred to them, they’ll probably come out to my house to visit me.
Well I am going to go watch operation transformation on tv now. I like following it. Its a good show and I will enjoy it and have a coffee while I watch it, as I’m going to be up for a while yet I think.
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I didn’t end up going to Normas house. She rang me and said something came up and she needed to go out. So I didn’t go. That suited me though, I’m so tired. I lay down for a while and I watched tv. I didn’t sleep though. I just watched the Mrs. Browns boys Christmas special on tv. Its an irish comedy. Its so good…really funny. I laughed a lot.
Now I have the radio on, but I think I’m going to go read. Its just gone 4 PM here. I am drinking coffee but this is my last cup. I will just chill for the rest of the evening. I booked my taxi to take me to my weigh in tomorrow morning, I booked it for 9 AM. I need the taxi driver to wait for me, I’ll only be 5 minutes getting weighed.
Right, going to go now. Catch ya’ll later.
7 Am when I finally lay down to try to sleep. I just wasnt able to settle. It wasnt for lack of trying. I did really try hard. But my anxiety was so bad. It was just awful and I just wasnt able to turn off my brain.
Now I am flagging. I got up about an hour ago its now almost 2 PM. I made a coffee and I’m just online reading blogs.
My plan is go to my friends house this afternoon. My friend Norma. Spend a few hours there with her. I need the distraction. Then I’ll come home and make something to eat and hopefully settle in for the night. Luckily I’ve no plans tomorrow either. No plans now until new years eve.
On new years eve we’re going to a pantomime, peter pan. And after that, we’re going for a meal in an asian street food place. Should be nice.
The only thing planned for tomorrow is to go to my weigh in. Even thats making me nervous. I desperately want a good result. I’m just not sure how it will go.
For now though I think another coffee is in order. Tonight I will try to not drink any coffee after 8 PM. Hoping that will make it easier to sleep.
Convo with my 11 year old niece that took place today…
Lauren seeing me making a cup of coffee: How can you make coffee when your blind?
Me: I just can!
Lauren: But how come you don’t burn yourself?
Me: I am just careful!
Lauren: But you cant see! How do you do it?
Me: Do you think you could pour hot water with your eyes closed?
Lauren: No! I think I might be able to make tea but not sure about pouring it!
Me giggling: I dare you to try! No wait, on second thoughts, don’t!
Lauren: You can do everything!
Me: I don’t know about that!
Lauren: Yes you can! Your my amazing aunt!
Me: Awwwh youre a sweetie!
And with that, I hugged her, grabbed my coffee and took it to the bedroom to drink it in peace!
Well so much for relaxing at home. I didnt get to do that. Instead mom took me grocery shopping. We went at 4:30. It is 8 PM now and we just got home a half hour ago. I’ve decided that tomorrow, after the friendly call christmas party, I’ll go home, I was waiting until Thursday to go home but decided tomorrow is as good a time as any to go. Mom said she’d drop nitro off and she said she’d drop off my computer and the dog food as well. So we did my groceries tonight, and we dropped them off at my house, mom helped me to put them all away, love her for it!
So now that I’m back at moms house, I am able to chill. I am exhausted. I just need to put my feet up. My back is giving, the end of it is hurting from walking around a lot and carrying a lot of heavy bags.
I had fun with mom though. We got some clothes for my dad. I decided to give him some clothes for christmas as well as money. So we bought him a sweater and a shirt and some shoes and slippers. He’ll be delighted with all that.
Now I am going to make a coffee. I need it. I doubt I’m going to get any sleep. I’m wound up. I’ve been feeling the littles close by. Some of them have been scared and upset and I am not sure why. They get scared by crowds and triggered in the store.
Time to go make that coffee now, and then read my book for a while.
Is anyone around? I cant sleep. I’ve had too much coffee! I am wired! I doubt I’m going to sleep much at all tonight.
I am hoping for at least a few hours, since I have a busy day ahead tomorrow!
I guess time will tell whether that will be happening! If not I shall read my book!