3.2.1 quote me! Change!

The lovely Candice over at R.O.E nominated me to do this challenge.
The topic is change. So here are my two quotes on change.
Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.Carol Burnett
Change your life today. Don’t gamble on the future, act now, without delay.Simone de Beauvoir

And my nominees?

Lady lazaris
my inner mish mash
emerging from the dark night

Have fun everyone!

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i cant quite believe next week will be my last week with my current pa kristen. we’ve worked together for a year and a half.
it will be sad to lose her. she is a really nice person. i’m nervous about who will replace her, will i like them, etc.
we shall see i guess. only time will tell.
change is hard. i dont much like it.
oh well, i will just enjoy the last couple of days with kristen. we’re still gonna keep in touch on facebook, and we’ll still meet up for coffee and stuff like that.

More change. New PA

so there is more change on the horizon for me. now that I will be starting the independent living course soon, actually I am starting on October 23rd, I found out today. but well because I will be living there from Monday to Friday of each week, I will have to get a new PA. Kristen cant work in the evenings, and she doesn’t work weekends. Today I rang Anna the person in charge of the PA service. I told her my dilemma and asked her if she could get me someone on the weekends. She was honest and said they were finding it very hard to get people to work the weekend shifts. So then I said if she could get me someone for Friday evenings I’d be happy with that. She said she’d send out an email to all of the PAS and get back to me. So heres hoping. I hate losing Kristen. Me and her get on so well. She is a great PA. I’ve worked with her for almost 2 years. That’s a long time in the grand scheme of things. She said that we’d stayin touch though. And that I need to do what I need to do to better my life. Still its hard to lose her when I’ve become close to her. Hoping the new PA will work out. I cant handle much more change, so hopefully this is the last of it.

Change is hard

i’m a little stressed out right now. i guess all this change has caught up to me. so much change. and i am not good with change.

first of all i’ve started with the new cpn sarah. she has already spoken to dr. barry. last week i spoke to sarah about the hard week i’d been having. yesterday i find out she told dr. barry everything. i dont know how i feel about that. i did not realise our sessions werent confidential.

part of me feels relieved that she did speak to dr. barry. but part of me is like, i dont want her to tell her everything i say to her. i know dr. barry is my consultant. and she needs to know how I am doing. I guess I just thought some things would be confidential. After all that is how you build a relationship with someone.

I think though with the mental health team, they all write everything into your chart. So say when i see sarah or mark the OT or the social worker, they write a note in my chart for dr. barry telling her what we’ve been discussing and working on. At least that is what I think happens.

I’m a bit miffed it has to be this way. It feels like everything I say or do is scrutinized. I hate that.

Then there is the did assessment. Its happening soon. Its not an assessment for diagnosing did, thats already been done 7 years ago. But rather an assessment to see where we are going with treatment going forward.

I am nervous. What if they say I can only be treated for so many years. What then. I doubt they will but the worry is still there. These are the did experts, after all. What they say will have a major impact on how dr. barry works with me in the future.

She will take her guidance from them. She will do what they suggest. Eileen reassured me on Monday she isnt going anywhere. That she will be here for us for as long as we need. That it is and will be our choice when we finish therapy. But what if it isnt? What if the funders wont pay for therapy for more than a couple of years. What then?

Its hard to think about. It makes me incredibly stressed just thinking about it.

With my new college course, and the independent living skills course there is also a lot of changes going on with the structure of my days. I will not be able to spend as much time in the basement club as I have been doing. I am afraid of losing that community. Technically I wont, because technically once your a member then your a member for life. I know I can always go back. But when you have been out of the loop for a while it can be daunting to go back again.

I wont be able to go to the basement club once th eindependent living skills course starts. I wont have time. I’ll literally be doing the course from 9 AM until 5 PM every day. There wont be much time for anything because outside of that I’ll have to do my college work for the addiction studies course. I’ll be lucky to be able to keep up with blogs, email and facebook. I hope I will as these are all very important to me.

So yeah a lot of change going on. I just hope I’ll be able to cope with all of it.