I’m raging

I am so mad right now! I’m absolutely fuming.

I was going home from my parents to my own house. My mom and aunt were both coming with me. So I rang my usual taxi base, and I asked them to send me out a minivan, since I had the dog, a load of bags, and there was the 3 of us as well.

First off, I had a 20 minute wait, which I wasn’t too fussed about, since we were getting a minivan, and I know there aren’t too many of those on the road on a sunday.

Eventually the minivan came. The driver was so rude. He wanted me to put Nitro in the boot of the van, on his own. I told him I didn’t think that was appropriate, that guide dogs aren’t meant to go in the boot, they are meant to either sit in the front with their owner, or else sit in the back on the back seat.

He was like, well, there is no room, I suppose he can sit in the back. But by then Nitro was very nerous and frightened, since he’d been trying to get him into the boot and Nitro was refusing to do what he said.

So I said fuck it, and I told him I’d leave it, that I wouldn’t be taking the taxi after all. By this time, I was close to tears. So then, I went back indoors to moms house and I rang the base, and I complained. The girl was not impressed with the way the driver treated us. She offered to get me another taxi, but I said it was fine, as I’d already called a different company.

So I did eventually get home, and I’m not the better of it. Taxi’s have gone so bad lately, all moaning and complaining about having to take the dog, they either complain about his size, or the hair, or something else. Its actually against the law for them not to take him, so they don’t actually ever refuse directly, but they do make it known that they aren’t happy about him being in their cars.

It really gets to me. I am really upset now because of what happened.

I’m not going to be able to stay on my prazosin, can this day get any worse?

So it looks like I will have to come off of prazosin. the pharmacy rang me. they are having trouble getting the med. the wholesaler who supplies them isnt supplying the prazosin, all they could get were two packets of it, with 60 tablets in each pack. i take 4 mg, so thats enough to last me for four weeks, after that I’m screwed. so the pharmacist said she was going to call dr. barry to fill her in and let her know. she was going to do that after she hung up from talking to me. so it looks like i’m gonna be without it. I’ll have to try something else I suppose. Dr. barry will have to come up with something else to try. I’m really having no luck today guys. There is so so much going on. I really cant take any more. Just when I thought I had a good thing going, and was on something that was really helping me, its gone. Or it will be in four weeks time. Gees. What a day! I just want this day to end. right now. I hope dr. barry can come up with some solution for me, some other med to try. The prazosin was really helping me with my nightmares, and we were going to increase it up to a higher dose to see if it would also help with the rest of the ptsd symptoms and with my sleep. I’m so bummed that now I cant get it any more. Ug sigh. This sucks.

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Not really in the mood

I’m so not in the mood for work today. I dont know, I just feel like I would do better if I didnt go in, but then, part of me is like, no, I need to push through this and go in.

People are depending on me. I need to not let them down.

So probably I will just push on through and go in and put in the hours, I’ll probably feel better after I do.

Anyone got any thoughts?

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Bad day of dissociation and sleeping

Hi guys
sorry if I worried anyone. We had a rough day yesterday. A day of dissociation and sleeping a lot. We couldnt face anyone or anything. Our supervisor rang and asked us to go in to work but we didnt go in. We just couldnt.
we slept most of the day. When we werent asleep we were dissociating a lot.
It was just a bad day for us.
I feel much better this morning. My pa amanda will be here in a few hours.
We’re going to do some house work and then I will go in to work this afternoon. And after that will go to my parents for the weekend.
I hate bad days. They really throw me off. I’m glad I am feeling ok again this morning.

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I’m still here…

but I’m not ok. been sleeping a lot today. unable to do much of anything. unable to be very functional at all.
Only getting up to eat or use the bathroom.
I’m having a ton of anxiety. I feel lethargic, and very off.
My head feels like its playing tricks on me.
Everything is just horrible. I just feel so off.
So I am gong to count this as a day that just, needs to end.
A day where I am not ok.
Hoping tomorrow will be better.
carol anne

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A tough day so far

having a really tough day here. went out, but had to come right back home again.
just wasnt coping. felt so anxious. and also feeling really tearful and depressed. think others feelings are blending in with mine.
thats always hard for me. its hard to entertain others feelings. the joys of being multiple i guess.
so i came home and went to bed. slept for a few hours, maybe 3. it was very fitful sleep though.
got up and ate. and now sitting in front of the computer staring at the screen. wondering what to do next, have so much to do, need to do dishes, not in the mood. need to make my bed, cant be bothered. need to empty the bins, dont wanna do it.
can you tell im having a bad day?