todays the day I start college!

So todays the day!I start college this morning!
I am so excited! Its 6:30 now. I start at 10 AM.
I slept really good last night which I am delighted about. Means I’ll be able to concentrate really good today!
I am so looking forward to this new venture! I am so excited about getting back into learning again! I love learning!
I plan on having a terrific day!
Wish me luck!

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dr. barry apt and got my shot

well our apt with dr. barry went great. we were almost late to it though. we had a taxi booked to take us, he was meant to arrive at our house at 8:30. he never showed up. i rang the base and the lady said traffic was mental due to the storms. i told her i had to be there by 8:45. she quickly got a driver to come get me. i was about 5 minutes late meeting sarah. but sarah knew i’d be late. she had an idea i would be due to the bad weather. she had gotten there on time and went indoors. she rang me just as i was arriving. i told her i was just arriving and so she came downstairs to meet me. we first went to get my shot. first of all the building where dr. barry is is huge. when you walk in the main door you take a right turn. go all the way to the end of that corridor and then that is where the mental health services are based. the place where i go for my shot is right by where dr. barry is. that part was good. i got my shot. they weighed me and i’m now 90.5 kg. they gave me my shot. then sarah brought me to the waiting room. the room is open plan. the chairs are so hard. wooden chairs. very hard on your back. i told sarah i didnt think i’d manage the building very well from what i’ve seen of it. i sat and waited for a while before i saw dr. barry. a junior doctor called me to come in but i told him i dont see junior doctors and i would wait for dr. barry. afterwords dr. barry told me he made a mistake, they all only moved in to the building on monday, and things arent set up properly yet so he took my file by accident. finally dr. barry came and got me. she brought me back to her office. she said she’s going to try to book the same office each week for consistency. she asked me if i thought the building was brighter, did I notice the brightness, I did. she said it was very clinical, like a hospital, not very cosy or comfortable. i noticed that too. in the old building it was cosy, and there was only all mental health staff and clients. this new place there are way more people milling around. its just not as homely. we chatted about the move. she knew i was anxious about it. she asked me when the anxiety started about it. i told her after sarah phoned me yesterday to tell me that they’d moved. she then said she’d ask sarah to meet me each time i am coming in, for a few weeks at least. she said she thought I’d eventually be able to navigate the building by myself. I’m glad she has faith in me because I dont. lol. We talked about my sleep. i told her I am only getting 2 or so hours of sleep a night on most nights. i told her the haldol isnt doing anything for me. where as before it would knock me out completely. she asked me if i would like to try fenergan. its a sedating antihistamine. i cant think of the other name for it. i’ve taken it before though. when i took it before it did knock me out. i only took it while i was hospitalised. she gave me a weeks supply and said take it for 3 night in a row. see how i do with that. see if that resets things for me and enables me to get a better sleep. i havent collected the med yet but i will later this week. we talked a lot about therapy. i told her about the new things eileen is trying with us regarding touch and sensory stuff and about eileens training and about our last two sessions. she said it sounds as if we are doing a lot of very intense work. i agreed. we talked through a couple of other things. but mostly it all centred on the move, and on therapy. at the end she made another apt for me for 2 weeks time. and then she very kindly walked me to the entrance where i waited for a taxi. i think i’ll be ok. i think in time we’ll get used to the new layout and the new building. i’m hopeful that we will.

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Happy world mental health day!

Happy world mental health day!

I cant believe another ones rolled around already! Doesnt seem that long ago since last years one was upon us!

I was going to go to the basement club today. They are having a BBQ to celebrate. However I am not going now. I am going to the information morning though for the mental health in the community college course that is starting in january. I think its very apt that the info morning is actually happening on world mental health day.

I hope its good! I am excited to see what it is all about!

Here in ireland, there was a budget yesterday, its where our govnerment talks about how they’ll spend their funds for the next year, what they’ll invest them in etc. I was hopeful that they’d put more into mental health and services to help people with mental ill health. Unfortunately though they didnt!

Its awful that the mental health services are so under funded! How does the government expect people to cope? To live? To deal with mental illness in a constructive way? In a way that more people are abl e to talk about it, and not feel stigmatised or scared of rejection?

I urge you today on this world mental health day, that if your not ok, get help. Talk about it. Its ok not to feel ok. It is ok to ask for help. We all need it at some point in ou r lives. Its ok, honestly. Dont be afraid to ask. The help is out there.

We need to end the stigma of mental illness. We need to do it here and now!

So with that, what are you going to do to try to end stigma? Do you think having a day and week to celebrate world mental health is important? Do share in the comments!

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Just feel so depressed

I woke up at six, despite going to bed after 2 AM. I just wasnt able to sleep any longer so got up. I am feeling very off today. Not doing well at all. I’ve decided not to go volunteering. I just dont feel up to it. I wouldnt be any use to anyone. I am feeling too depressed. I also feel fragile and I think hearing about others problems would only set me off further. So I wont go. I will ring my supervisor when she gets into work and let her know. I made myself make some breakfast. I really didnt feel up to eating or making food, but I pushed myself to do it. Its not even 8 AM here yet. I think its going to be a long day. Also the weather is crap outside. Its very windy and threatening to rain. I just let nitro out and fed him so at least I managed to see to his needs. He is important to me so I am glad I was able to see to him. My friend texted me during the night. She was worried as she texted me yesterday after my therapy session and I didnt reply to her. Truth is I was too tired to talk then. I probably should have replied to just let her know I was ok. She worries for us at this time of year because she knows its hard for us. I replied this morning. I apologised for not replying to her message sooner. I need to shower but I just dont feel like it. I know thats gross. I probably will, I just have to muster up the energy. I feel too lethargic and too depressed. Im not sure where the depression is coming from. Other than the time of year but not sure what else is causing it. All I know is I feel so awful. Feel really low and like I couldnt be bothered like I dont care about anything. Ug I hope this doesnt last for too long. Its exhausting.
carol anne

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Question of the day

What in your opinion is the best way to end the stigma surrounding mental illness?

For me its writing, talking, just opening up about it. Telling my story. Making mental health a hot topic. Talking about it with other people.

For me, that is how we will combat stigma.

And you?

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