Meds and my weight

I take a lot of meds each day. I’m on about 10 different ones. Its so difficult and I hate being dependent on them to function normally. Sometimes I think about coming off of them. I know I need them though so I dont stop taking them. I am compliant for the most part. I do forget sometimes, thanks dissociation. But mostly I’ve been good about remembering lately and I’ve been consistent with taking them.
In the morning I take diabetes meds, seizure meds, and my prozac. That adds up to 5 pills. I take more diabetes meds at supper time, then at night I take more seizure meds, that adds up to 3 pills, I take haldol, clonadine, 2 pills. I take an inhaler too twice a day now. I am on ventolin for my asthma.
Sometimes I also take fenergan for sleep. It comes in my script each week, even if I dont use it. I also take trevicta its a shot, every 3 months.
A lot of these meds have weight gain as a side effect. I hate this about them. I dont eat a whole lot each day. I had been eating very unhealthily lately though.
Yesterday my mom was on to me about my weight. She was like you lost almost 50 pounds, if you keep going and not caring about what your putting in your body your going to gain about 100. That got me all upset. Because, as much as I’d like to think I care, lately I really didnt. So I guess things have to change.
I’ll have to be more careful about what I am putting in my body. I hate that I only have to look at food and I gain weight. I wish I had a faster metabolism. I dont though.
So I’m trying to exercise more. I know my mom is only saying these things to me because she cares.
She said she wants me to stay healthy. She doesnt want me to end up not being able to walk far or having heart issues, or being dependent on others coming in to wash me. And I dont want that for me either.
The meds play a large part in my obesity. I know this. Before I started taking antidepressants when I was 17, I was never overweight. I had always been skinny. Once I got on meds, the weight really pounded on.
I feel so sad about this. It makes me even more depressed. I know I need to talk about it with eileen. I feel like I cant though. I feel scared to discuss how I feel. I know Eileen wont judge me. She never does. But I just, its hard to get over the embarrassment of being so fat.
Anyway, I just needed to vent. If anyone can relate or has any words of wisdom or supportive words that’d be great.
Thanks for listening.