Knew it wouldnt last

I knew dad and me wouldnt see eye to eye for the whole weekend!
I wanted to have a shower before bed, he said I couldnt. I know I should have just gone ahead and did what I wanted, but he yelled at me about it, and made me feel upset. He said why was I wanting to shower so late, it was only 9 PM though.
I didnt see what the problem was!
Then when I went to make myself some tea he said he didnt want me making any more tea. I think he’s such a control freak. He likes to have the control in every single situation! Its so annoying!
I rang mom and I complained to her, but I dont want to ruin her trip! She told me to just stay in my bedroom and wait until the morning to shower when he’s in a better mood.
So thats what I am going to have to do!
Ug sigh this sucks!

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This is chance, therapy this past week

my name is chance. im 13. i wanted to talk about therapy this past week. on monday we went. it started out with willow talking, willow told eileen that some of the dark kids in our system were struggling, me and my two buddies anna and astra were struggling a lot over the weekend. i get angry a lot. im angry at everything and everyone. especially at our abusers. i want to do something really bad to them well if i could i would. i dont really care about anyone or anything. im just angry all of the time. its tiring though being so angry so much. plus everyone is scared of me. i only have anna and astra to keep me company. they get angry too. we’re all 13 the 3 of us are 13. so eileen was nice about it, she said we had a right to feel anger. she welcomed it. willow told her that i wanted to email her but she wouldnt let me because she didnt want me to say harsh things in the email to eileen. eileen said she shouldnt try to sensor me. that it would be ok if i emailed her. that its ok if i am angry in the email. willow still wasnt sure. she didnt want to upset eileen. eileen kept telling her not to worry, that she could handle it. then i decided im going to talk to eileen. i just felt like she’d get it. she’d understand. so i did. and it was great. she’s really cool. she talked to me about my anger. and about the abusers being such assholes. about how they hurt us and how that was so wrong. so that was nice. she had me pick out stones to represent my anger and other feelings. that was kinda weird but I did it anyway. it was only weird because i’d never done anything like that. but when i did, i was able to feel calmer. she told me i can email her or text her if i need to this week. she said if I text she’ll respond to it and we can talk. i havent texted her yet, but i know if I need to I can. that feels good, grounding, like she’ll be there, maybe on friday we can text her, since fridays a tough day for us with the summer solstace, maybe she can talk to us then. i did email her though already since monday. i felt like it was a good session. and i am glad i talked to her. she’s pretty cool. i like her. its hard for me to admit that. but the fact she offered that we could text her meant a lot to me. plus she made things clear, telling me that if I email that she usually doesnt respond to them, but if I text she’ll respond to that. so that makes things clear to me. but the fact she’s willing to let us means a lot to me. im very grateful. i’ve had bad experiences with therapy before, so i wasnt sure about it but now I am. now I am glad I talked and I will do it again in the future.
chance age 13

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No show

So the damn plumber never showed up today. I had doubts they would. And the electrician said that it was doubtful they would either. So when he said that I started to worry. But he was right. No plumber came. Now I am not sure if they’ll show up tomorrow morning either. I hope they will, but you just never know. The electrician didnt seem to think the work on my shower would be done tomorrow, he
said they rarely do work like that on Fridays. I hope he’s wrong. Either way, even if they do the work tomorrow, he has to come back to finish it off, and he wont be coming back until the middle of next week, which means, that I am without a shower for a few days. I guess I’ll be body washing in the sink, lol. Anyway its pretty disappointing that the plumbers never showed up today. I was waiting for them to come, I got all nervous hthinking they’d be here and wondering how I’d do with them being in my house. Its too late now for them to come, as they finish work at four PM and its now gone 5 PM. Oh well. I will hope for a better outcome tomorrow morning, wait and see, they’ll probably turn up at 8 AM when I am barely awake.

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Damn it anyway!

My PA has been here all morning. Normally she doesnt have a car with her but today she had her dads car. Outside my house there’s a parking space, its mine, anyone whose visiting me can park there. I left my PA go a little early, and she just facebooked me to say that she’d recieved a parking fine of 150 euro! For parking in the space outside my house, that is my space, I might add. Damn it! I told her not to pay it. I told her to ring them up and see what they will say. She did and she just needs to get a picture of my disabled parking permit. But my god! Who would have reported her for parking there? Someone in my estate must have! Someone had to have done it! I live in a housing estate so its not like the people who clamp cars would even be in there! I am so angry! So so angry! Thank god its easily sorted though! Otherwise her dad would have had to pay 150 euro! No way I said there’s no way she’s paying it!
God what a nightmare! some people, they are malicious!

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Damn alarm!

My damn house alarm woke me up! At 6:30 AM! Ug, sigh!

I only went to bed at 3:30 and was just in a nice sleep too! Isnt that always the bloody way though?

Me and nitro were cuddled up in bed, sleeping! Next thing, beep, beeep, beep, from the alarm! I wanted to throw it, I was so mad!

I quickly jumped out of bed and turned it off. But that was the end of my sleep. Its now not even 7:30 AM and I am up for the day!

I made a cup of tea and am enjoying that. I may nap later on today if I can!

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