This is Sirena

im sirena, and im 13. I thought i’d write.

I am feeling like I want to cut. I didn’t, but I want to. it sucks. I feel frustrated and irritated. I want the kids to stop whining and crying, there really is no point to it is there? I mean, what is it going to fix for them to be so needy?

I cant stand it. the reason I cant stand it is this. when we’d cry all those years ago, no one came. no one helped us. no one cared. we were just left there, left to cry ourselfs to sleep.

it hurt then, and it still hurts now. but when the kids cry now, I cant stand it. I cant stand the noise, or the feelings it brings up for me. why have hope? hope is just stupid. I don’t have any hope. hope didn’t help me get through. I know some of us had hope though.

but tonight I just feel mad, mad, and angry. and I cant cope. and I want to scream. and I want the kids to just hush. shut up. please cuz its just grating on my nerves.

I talked to Eileen today. we had a good chat. she told me its ok if I don’t have words, I didn’t for a while. I couldn’t talk. I felt too anxious. too agitated. too overwhelmed.

eventually I did manage to chat to her. she knew I was struggling, so she made small talk with me for a while. that helped a bit. it meant I didn’t have to think about my feelings. or think about the kids whining and being upset.

I hate that they are so needy. I hate needing anyone or anything. I just hate it. I feel like we shouldn’t need. its not good. its wrong and it leads to more issues.

I’m just sad. sad and mad and angry. I just want a break from my emotions, and from my head. my head is a scary place right now. very scary.
sirena age 13

Stormy! A poetry prompt!

A STORM IS BREWING
INSIDE OF ME
I FEEL STORMY!
EMOTIONS BUBBLE
TO THE SURFACE
RAPIDLY OVERTAKING ME
RAGE BUBBLES
ANGER SEAPS THROUGH
THERE’S A STORM
ITS BREWING
ME, I FEEL
LIKE A PRESSURE COOKER!
READY TO EXPLODE AT ANY SECOND
A STORM…
YES A STORM…
ITS BREWING!
SOMEONE SAVE ME
SAVE ME FROM MYSELF
AND THESE INTENSE FEELINGS
THAT THREATNEN
TO SEND ME SPIRALING!
SPIRALING INTO THE ABYSS

LIZ

https://thebeewritesdownloads.wordpress.com/2018/12/03/stormy-mondayprompt-for-week-1009-16092012/

GOD! DAMN. IT!

FUCK IT! IM SO ANGRY!
MY DAMN FUCKHEAD OF AN ABUSER EMAILED ME TONIGHT!
HE SAID A BUNCH OF TRIGGERY SHIT TO ME IN THE EMAIL. I OPENED IT CUZ I DIDNT RECOGNISE THE SUBJECT LINE OR THE EMAIL ADDY. THEY ARE CONSTANTLY CHANGING THEIR EMAIL ADDY.
FUCKHEADS! IM SO TIRED OF THIS SHIT! SO DAMN TIRED OF IT!
I WISH THEY’D ALL FUCKING FUCK OFF AND DIE!
IM DONE WITH THEIR BULL SHIT! AND CRAP! DONE!
IM JUST FED UP GUYS!
WHY CANT THEY LEAVE US ALONE! WHY DONT THEY GO CRAWL UNDER A FUCKING ROCK!
I TOLD LIZ ABOUT IT. SHE DELETED THE EMAIL BECAUSE I COULDNT. I WAS TOO TRIGGERED BY WHAT HE WROTE IN IT.
DAMN DAMN DAMN!
IM SO PISSED OFF! SO FUCKING ANGRY ABOUT IT NOW!
I HATE TRIGGERS AND BEING TRIGGERED!
PIXIE

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Damn it anyway!

My PA has been here all morning. Normally she doesnt have a car with her but today she had her dads car. Outside my house there’s a parking space, its mine, anyone whose visiting me can park there. I left my PA go a little early, and she just facebooked me to say that she’d recieved a parking fine of 150 euro! For parking in the space outside my house, that is my space, I might add. Damn it! I told her not to pay it. I told her to ring them up and see what they will say. She did and she just needs to get a picture of my disabled parking permit. But my god! Who would have reported her for parking there? Someone in my estate must have! Someone had to have done it! I live in a housing estate so its not like the people who clamp cars would even be in there! I am so angry! So so angry! Thank god its easily sorted though! Otherwise her dad would have had to pay 150 euro! No way I said there’s no way she’s paying it!
God what a nightmare! some people, they are malicious!

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