ANXIETY WOKE US UP! DAMN! DAMN DAMN DAMN!
NOW WE WONT BE ABLE TO FALL BACK TO SLEEP AGAIN!
OMG I AM NOT HAPPY!
MY HANDS ARE SHAKING SO BAD THAT I CAN BARELY TYPE THIS! WELL SHIT!
MY CHEST FEELS SO TIGHT!
MY HEART IS POUNDING!
AND ITS ONLY MIDNIGHT! A WHOLE NIGHT OF THIS? OMG! I CANNOT DEAL!
WE DIDNT HAVE A NIGHTMARE, AT LEAST NOT THAT I AM AWARE OF!
What one thing makes you super angry?
So I’m calmer now. The rage from earlier that I felt has subsided.
I face timed sarah, in colorado, and that helped. We talked for over 2 hours!
It was nice. We commiserated with each other, so I vented all of my anger and got it all out of my system, lol.
Plus I had 2 cups of strong coffee also! I needed the caffeine! I was so annoyed it was not good!
Now my plan is to go watch some tv, I want to watch operation transformation, that I missed last Wednesday because I fell asleep while it was on. Thats on for an hour. I’m a little anxious but am hoping if I sit down in front of the TV and try to wind down that the anxiety and anxious feelings will pass.
I guess we’ll see what happens. I can hope, right?
Hi! Well Paula from light motifs is the host of the Monday peeve! Its where you get to vent about something on a Monday. So here I go with my vent for this Monday, but its actually Tuesday here now.
My vent is about workmen! I am so peeved at the ones who came into my house today!
Why do they think its ok to mess up the whole place and not bother to clean it after themselves? It irks me!
Today, 2 workmen came into my home to install a carbon monoxide alarm. They messed up my kitchen, moved everything, and then didn bother to tell me. So I was looking for coffee, my sweeteners, and I couldn’t find them because they’d been moved. Ug!
Then one guy was fiddling with my heating system, and he turned off the gas at the wall, so my heating wouldn’t work. I mean WTF? Don’t touch it dude! Why do you even need to be going near it?
All he was doing was installing an alarm, which uses the electric system, not the damn heat! To say I was peeved is an understatement! I was so annoyed!
I did put everything right, but at first I didn’t even know things were so messy! I though then that they’d left my curtains open, but thank god they didn’t. They did however leave on my lights. Thank god they were only in my house for an hour tops! That is all I can deal with.
Well that’s me done with my vent!
Oh one more thing? They were going in and out of my fron door, and I was full sure they’d let Nitro out. Thank god though he stayed by my side, he didn’t follow them at all. Good boy, Nitro!
Ok so I ended up going home today. So now I am back home in my own house again. I had to get out of my parents house. My dad was in very bad form. He was in foul humour and he was taking it out on me and Nitro. I just didnt feel comfortable to stay there so I told mom I’d go home. She said if I was sure then that was probably for the best. My dad is very hard to deal with when he’s in bad humour. Everything was wrong. He’d been out and when he came in mom was washing my hair. He was irritated because he needed to use the bathroom and couldnt. Then he was like, why do you need to wash your hair, your not going anywhere. I said I was going out, I was going to go to my friend Normas house. I kinda said it in a loud voice, because I was annoyed with him for asking. I mean why is he bothered where I am going? I am not interfering with him. It was only going to take me 5 minutes to wash my hair, then he could have used the bathroom. But he didnt want to wait and he went off on one. So now I’m back home. And actually I am so glad to be home. My dad is so controlling and such a control freak, everything is a routine with him. He has to do things a certain way, have everything a certain way etc. Its too much and I dont want to deal with it. Mom came with me to make sure I was ok, and to see that things were ok in my house. She left about half an hour ago. And now I am watching the tv. I will face time a friend in a while. I am happy to be home. I needed to go home. I had no heating on and my house was freezing. Now I put my heat on to warm the place up. I feel sorry for my mom having to live with my dad. I really admire her. I dont know how she stays sane. I was talking to Eileen about it before christmas. Eileen said my mom is very resilient. She told me she’s learned ways to cope and manage. And I guess she has. I didnt realise how bad it is in that house until this past week. I sure am glad I dont live there on a permanent basis. I told mom today that in the new year I will stay home in my own house more. I dont think I’m going to go to my parents on the weekends any more. I’d prefer to stay at home. I can do what I want when I want. Nobody telling me what to do or how to live. My house is my own and I have space to do what I want, I have peace and quiet. Mom agreed with me that it was a good thing and something that I should do. So I’m going to do it. For now though me and Nitro are ok, we’re happy, we have our own space and it feels good.
Anger, resentment and jealousy doesn’t change the heart of others… it only changes yours.
Like a lion
Hear me roar
the power is all mine!
as I roar
I am like a volcano
As the anger disapates
I sit, and my fear of the past evaporates