frustrations

so i’m very frustrated. one of the staff here has brought issues about nitro to the head boss. and this morning when his trainer was here she had to listen to the his boss going on about nitro and these issues. and then i had to hear about it from her, but my thing is, why didnt the staff come to me? basically the staff wanted to take him out last thing at night, they offered, i let them, and now they are saying he wont come back to them, and its this huge issue. makes me so mad. also they were giving out about his sleeping on the couch, which he hasnt been doing this week, because i stopped him from doing it. the staff member was also giving out about other things, so annoying. it irks me. i’ll be definitely bringing it up this afternoon at my weekly review. i’ll be saying that if staff have issues they need to bring them to me and not claire the boss. thats the sensible thing to do.

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LIZ

YUP ITs ME AND NO I AM NOT IN A GOOD MOOD SO YOU GUYS DONT RILE ME UP OTHERWISE I’LL HAVE TO KICK SOME ASS AND AINT NOBODY GONNA LIKE THAT SHIT. THE OTHER DAY CAROL ANNE WAS TALKING TO DR. BARRY AND THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT ME, I WAS NOT IMPRESSED. DR. BARRY WASNT SAYING ANYTHING BAD BUT WELL CAROL ANNE WAS SAYING HOW I AM SARCASTIC AND I WASNT HELPING HER OUT BECAUSE I TOLD HER SHE COULD GO SEE SARAH THAT I WOULDNT GO. I DID SAY THAT. I AM BEING CAUSHIOUS. SARAH SEEMS NICE BUT I JUST DONT FEEL COMFORTABLE MAKING AN APPEARANCE, WHERE AS YEARS AGO I’D HAVE GONE IN ALL GUNS BLAZING AND WITH A BAD ATTITUDE. IS THAT PROGRESS? MAYBE. WHO KNOWS. WE JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH JESS. ONE OF CAROL ANNES FRIENDS IS SENDING HER A CARE PACKAGE FOR XMAS, THIS FRIEND HAS DID AND IS BLIND LIKE US. SHE IS PART OF OUR DID SUPPORT GROUP AS IS JESS. ANYWAY SHE’S VERY KINDLY OFFERED TO SEND JESS A CARE PACKAGE AND SHE BOUGHT HER A TABLET. HOW KIND IS THAT. A TABLET WHICH IS WORTHA LOT OF MONEY. SHE BOUGHT IT FOR JESS AND HER SYSTEM BECAUSE SHE SAID SHE WANTED THEM TO HAVE A WAY OF BEING ABLE TO CONNECT WITH US AND WITH THE GROUP AGAIN. IT IS JUST SO LOVELY THAT SOMEONE WOULD BE KIND ENOUGH TO DO THAT. IT MEANS SO MUCH TO JESS AND SHE WAS IN AWE WHEN WE TOLD HER ABOUT IT ON THE PHONE. SHE CANT WAIT TO GET IT AND NEITHER CAN WE WAIT BECAUSE ITS BEEN OVER 2 YEARS SINCE WE’VE BEEN ABLE TO DO EMAIL. WE MISS THAT. WE MISS CONNECTING EVERY DAY WITH THEIR SYSTEM. IT’LL BE NICE TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT AGAIN.
LIZ

ITS LIZ AND IM HURT

OK SO I AM HURTING AND SAD AND FEELING FUCKING AWFUL. YES. AND I’D LIKE TO KNOW WHY PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKING INSENSITIVE.
THAT DUDE BANNING CAROL ANNE. HE THINKS HE IS GOD.
HE’S ACTING ALL POWERFUL JUST CAUSE HE OWNS A FUCKING EMAIL LIST.
DAMN IT ANYWAY. WORDS HURT. SEEING EMAILS THAT ARENT MEANT FOR US TO SEE THAT TALK ABOUT US AND ARE DEROGATORY FUCKING HURTS.
I AM PISSED. BEYOND PISSED.
IT MAKES ME WANT TO GRAB A STEAK KNIFE OUT OF THE KITCHEN AND CUT UP OUR ARMS.
JUST BECAUSE I AM HURTING, AND I CANT THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE TO DO INSTEAD.
SO I AM REACHING OUT HERE FOR SUPPORT. AND I THINK PEOPLE SHOULD BLOODY THINK BEFORE THEY SPEAK. BUT THATS ASKING TOO MUCH I GUESS.
IS ANYONE AROUND?
LIZ

FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!

YES. YOU. YOU MONSTER. YOU FUCKING PIECE OF TRASH. FUCK YOU.

FUCK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU PUT US THROUGH.

I HATE YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW. YOU ARE SCUM. YOU ARE THE LOWEST OF THE LOW. YOU ARE NOTHING. I HOPE YOU DIE A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH.

I WISH YOU SUFFERED THE WAY I SUFFER. COULD YOU HANDLE IT? DOUBTFUL.

YOU WILL NEVER EVER HURT ANY OF US AGAIN. I’LL MAKE SURE OF THAT. I’LL SMASH YOUR FACE IN IF YOU EVER TRY.

YES I AM HERE AND I WILL DEFEND OUR SYSTEM. I WILL DEFEND US FROM MONSTERS LIKE YOU.

FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!
LIZ

I hate her so much

I hate her. I hate eileen I hate her i hate her I hate her.
she gets us to trust her. then she abandons us.
I hate her! I want to scream!
I want to break everything in sight. I am not going to talk to her ever again! never ever!
And I am not going to let the younger kids speak to her either.
she makes me soooo mad!
she says she is there for us when we need her then she wasnt! ug this is shit!
total shit shit shit!
fucking crap i hate therapy and i hate our therapist and thats that.
sirena

CUT, CUT, CUT

I’M COMING OUT OF MY SKIN. EVERYTHING JUST FEEL SO OVERWHELMING. I WANT TO CUT. I NEED TO CUT. I CANT TAKE ANOTHER MINUTE OF THIS. THIS PAIN IS JUST FUCKING INSANE. I AM GOING OUT OF MY MIND. I NEED TO RELEASE SOME OF THIS PAIN. I HAVE TO FEEL BLOOD. IT WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. I CANT BEAT THIS. I SUCK.

GO FUCK YOURSELF, abuser

YES YOU, GO TAKE A RUNNING JUMP, OFF A BRIDGE, TAKE A HIKE, FUCK OFF, DONT BOTHER ME, I AM NOT HERE FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT, I AM NOT HERE FOR YOU TO PLAY MIND GAMES WITH. YOU HAVE NO IDEA DO YOU? NO, AND YOU DONT CARE. YOU ARE SELFISH. YOU ARE HEARTLESS. YOU SPEW YOUR VENUM WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT FOR THOSE IN THE FIRING LINE. WELL. JUST FUCK OFF. LEAVE US BE. SPREAD YOUR HATE ELSEWHERE. WE ARE NOT LISTENING ANY MORE.
LIZ