Fowc with fandango, prone

I AM PRONE
TO ANGER OUTBURSTS
TO RAGES SO WILD
THEY MAKE OTHERS AFRAID
I AM PRONE
TO HAVING AN ATTITUDE
AND IF YOU DONT LIKE IT, TOUGH!
I AM PRONE
TO BEING THE ALTER EVERYONE LOVES TO HATE
THE ONE MOST PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF
THE ONE WHO WOULD TURN ON YOU IN A HEARTBEAT
BUT I AM ALSO PRONE
TO PROTECT MY PEOPLE FIERCELY
TO FIGHT FOR US UNTIL THE BITTER END
TO HAVE THE TOUGH CONVERSATIONS
I AM PRONE TO BEING HONEST
STRAIGHT TALKING
A SAY IT LIKE IT IS SORTA PERSON
I AM ME
PRONE TO SO MANY WAYS OF BEING
GET TO KNOW ME
IT’LL BE A WILD RIDE

WRITTEN BY LIZ, AN ALTER IN OUR SYSTEM

 

FOWC with Fandango — Prone

AN EMAIL FROM OUR THERAPIST!

HERE IS WHAT MY THERAPIST EILEEN SAID, IN RESPONSE TO SOMETHING I WROTE HER ABOUT OUR ABUSERS AND ABOUT US CHANGING EMAIL ADDRESSES.

Hi Liz,
Thank you for the change of email address. I do hope things have settled down somewhat now that you are at your parents house. I get your anger and upset at missing the session and feeling of helplessness as to what actually happened. We will get to it on Monday. Breathe….
In the meantime have a good weekend, all will be well!
Regards
Eileen

LOVE HER! SHE IS SO REASSURING!
LIZ

Virus-free. www.avg.com

Having a rant!

So I pay rent each week. I pay my local city council. They take it directly out of my bank account, a standing order, I only pay minimum rent, as I live in what is known as social housing, which means basically that I am considered to have a low income, which I do, so I pay a basic rate of rent.

So each week the rent is taken on Friday morning, my money goes in to the bank at midnight on Thursday going into Friday morning.

My gripe is not having to pay rent, I know we all have to pay for our accommodation and pay where for we’re living. My gripe is with the damn rent office. I got a letter yesterday in the mail stating my last 3 months rent, its like a sorta statement where it says what I’ve payed, how much etc, they send them out to you every 3 months.

I read it and decided I’d ring them to ask if my rent was increased. They have a habit of increasing it at the start of the year, but they didn’t tell me the last time they did it, and then I owed 150 euro before I knew there had been any increase, and I ended up having to pay extra on my rent for months to pay it back.

So the gripe with them is this. They don’t answer their bloody phones in the office! I rang the number on the letter, no answer, it went to voice mail, but the damn mailbox was full so I couldn’t even leave a damn message!

I rang the local city council offices, they put me through to another number, and nothing! No answer! They don’t answer their phones no matter how often you ring! So I’m like, what the hell are they doing in th e office? They cant be just sitting around in there surely?

It annoys me! So now I still am none the wiser! Its so irritating.

Well shit!

Woke up feeling awful! When will this shitstorm end!
I cant take much more of feeling so bad! Its waring, so so waring.
I ended up going to bed at 9:30 last night. I read for a while, I only read two chapters of my book, groomed, then I went to sleep. I did sleep, which I am glad about. I did wake a few times during the night though. I just lay there trying to go back to sleep and eventually I did.
My mood is still very low. I feel like bursting into tears one minute, then I am angry, I feel frustrated and I want to hit someone or lash out in some way. It feels just awful.
I hope it goes away soon. My sister is coming over later for dinner, with the kiddos and her partner. I am going to enjoy her company. I think having her here at mom and dads will take my mind off of how I am feeling.
I think my dad is going to take Nitro out for a walk. Maybe I’ll go with him. I need to clear my head. A walk will do me good I think.

This is Sirena

im sirena, and im 13. I thought i’d write.

I am feeling like I want to cut. I didn’t, but I want to. it sucks. I feel frustrated and irritated. I want the kids to stop whining and crying, there really is no point to it is there? I mean, what is it going to fix for them to be so needy?

I cant stand it. the reason I cant stand it is this. when we’d cry all those years ago, no one came. no one helped us. no one cared. we were just left there, left to cry ourselfs to sleep.

it hurt then, and it still hurts now. but when the kids cry now, I cant stand it. I cant stand the noise, or the feelings it brings up for me. why have hope? hope is just stupid. I don’t have any hope. hope didn’t help me get through. I know some of us had hope though.

but tonight I just feel mad, mad, and angry. and I cant cope. and I want to scream. and I want the kids to just hush. shut up. please cuz its just grating on my nerves.

I talked to Eileen today. we had a good chat. she told me its ok if I don’t have words, I didn’t for a while. I couldn’t talk. I felt too anxious. too agitated. too overwhelmed.

eventually I did manage to chat to her. she knew I was struggling, so she made small talk with me for a while. that helped a bit. it meant I didn’t have to think about my feelings. or think about the kids whining and being upset.

I hate that they are so needy. I hate needing anyone or anything. I just hate it. I feel like we shouldn’t need. its not good. its wrong and it leads to more issues.

I’m just sad. sad and mad and angry. I just want a break from my emotions, and from my head. my head is a scary place right now. very scary.
sirena age 13