Well it’s that time of the week again. Time to go get weighed. Hopefully I’ll be down. I’m staying positive. I’ve done my best. Wish me luck guys 😜
I swear guys I haven’t had a minute to myself all morning, I was at college this morning, just finished about 20 minutes ago. Just had enough time to go to my parents and have some lunch. This afternoon I am seeing Doctor Barry. I am looking forward to seeing her. Then this evening I have to go to slimming world. So I barely have a minute to myself to breathe. But I like being busy, it keeps me distracted, I like to have things to do. I’m glad I’m busy. I should be able to write later, later this afternoon I mean. I have some news that I need to tell you all. Something that happened to me yesterday when I was at volunteering, but I will post more about that later. Anyway I just thought I’d check in and let people know that I’m still around, still alive, and I’m okay.
TO MY EMOTIONAL EMAIL WHERE I BASICALLY TOLD HER I WAS FAILING AT THERAPY! SHE RESPONDED, AND SHE SAID WE ARENT! I LOVE HOW ATTUNED SHE IS TO US! SHE ALWAYS KNOWS WHEN TO RESPOND AND WHEN ONE IS WARRANTED! THANKS EILEEN! I LOVE YOU!
Hi Everyone, I am sorry to hear that you got the impression that I was mad at you or that I thought you were doing badly in therapy. I apologise if I sounded critical. I actually think you are doing very well in therapy! It isnt a case of if I feel bad Im not doing well in therapy. I totally understand that when we are beginning to open up and talk, feelings and all sorts of reactions come with that. It is a delicate balance of doing a little, then letting it settle.
I do hear how much I mean to you, rest assured that I am on this journey with you in all the ups and downs.
IM SO SO WORRIED WHAT IF WE’RE FAILING THERAPY? WHAT IF EILEENS WANTS US GONE? WHAT IF SHE THINKS WE’RE NOT WORKING HARD ENOUGH? OR SHES MAD AT US NOW CUZ WE NEVER TOLD HER HOW BAD IT WAS, FOR WEEKS? AND THEN YESTERDAY SHE SAID WOULD YOU HAVE TOLD ME? IF I DIDNT PRESS IT? AND LIZ SAID SHE WOULD HAVE, BUT OMG I DONT WANT TO FAIL! I DONT WANT TO HAV HER BE MAD AT ME!
OMG I CANT STAND THINKING BOUT IT. IT MAKES ME SO NERVOUS. I JUST EMAILED HER TO ASK HER. I HOPE SHE RESPONDS TO THAT!
Raise your words, not voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.
Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi
ITS LIZ. TODAY IN THERAPY I WAS CHATTING TO EILEEN. SHE ASKED ME IF I WOULD HAVE COME TO HER WITH WHAT WAS GOING ON. IF SHE HADNT STOPPED US FROM PROCEEDING, AND TACKLED IT HEAD ON, WOULD I HAVE COME TO HER MYSELF AND TOLD HER WE’RE STRUGGLING WITH BEING TRIGGERED? I SAID HONESTLY? I DONT KNOW. I WANT TO THINK I WOULD, AND MY PLAN WAS TO TALK TO HER ABOUT IT. BUT THE MAIN REASON I WAS BEING STUBBORN, THINKING I CAN HANDLE THIS IS MYSELF THAT I DIDNT WANT TO DISAPPOINT HER. SHE TOLD ME TODAY THERE IS NO JUDGEMENT FROM HER, AND SHE WENT OVER AGAIN HOW THIS IS THE WORK, ITS NOT LINEAR, AND THE NATURE OF THE WORK IS DOING A LITTLE, THEN PULLING IT BACK, PUTTING ON THE BREAKS AGAIN ETC. I GUESS SHE’S RIGHT. I’VE BEEN THINKING WHY DO I ALWAYS FEEL THE NEED TO PROTECT HER? SHE’S A BIG GIRL SHE CAN HANDLE HERSELF, I KNOW THAT, SO WHY DO I KEEP TRYING TO LOOK OUT FOR HER? I NEEDED THE HELP, I NEEDED HER INPUT, SO I AM GLAD SHE DIDNT RUN WITH THE FIRST THING WE TOLD HER TODAY. I AM GLAD SHE HAD THE INSIGHT TO KNOW THERE WAS MORE TO IT THAN WHAT WE WERE ORIGINALLY SAYING.
it taylor. i fel sad. i scard. i no like nite time.
my hart is hurtin. is pounding. no like that. fels bad.
i got tok to eileen today. i like tok to her. it good.
we tok bout the growned ups cuz thay werent ther today
i brot us to therpy
but eileen says i shudnt do dat cuz im only six
so she said shed find the growned ups wif me
and she did
i bringed her insid wif me
and we found liz and jade
and dat was gud then cuz i was able to go inside then
to my room and not worry bout them all
eileen said she was sorry i dint getta be a kid
a litle girl like i shoulda been
she said that wasnt fair
i gess it wasnt
tonite i feling sad about remebering things
not like memories
i snuggle nitro
hes fluffy and warm
yay love him lots