she starts to think
starts to tremble
flashes engulf her mind and body
flashes from the past
she begins to cry
nothing escapes her lips
trembling, she pulls her arms tightly around her body
she waits for the tornado to disapate
it does, eventually
as she lies on her bed
she wonders why
and softly cries
hhihih it me Emily
I’m struggling tonight. I feel so gross. I feel unlovable. fat. ugly. and I hate how I feel. and I hate my body.
it disgusts me. I hate how I look. I know we are losing weight. and people have noticed it. commented that we are looking fab. I don’t see it though.
I just feel so sad. sad and lonely and unloved and unseen in my struggle.
Emily age 12
my heart is breaking
into a million pieces
will I ever heal?
she sits and stares
nothing in her eyes
fear of the night
and other parts
they run rampant
inside her mind
they are confined
inside her head
full of dread
feeling a mixture
wanting to disappear
young parts cry
they want to fly
to a new day
THIS IS A SUCKFEST OF A NIGHT.
I SHOULD BE ASLEEP, ITS ALMOST 2 AM
INSTEAD I AM UP RUMINATING
I AM OVERTHINKING AND PANICKING AND ANXIOUS AND FEARFUL
I MADE MYSELF SOME COFFEE, PROB NOT THE BEST IDEA BUT OH WELL IT IS WHAT IT IS
I NEED COFFEE I NEED TO CALM DOWN AND COFFEE HELPS ME CALM DOWN
PANIC IS RINNING RAMPANT THROUGH THE SYSTEM
I WROTE EILEEN AN EMAIL TO TELL HER WHAT IS GOING ON
I THINK ITS TO DO WITH MEMORIES AND BEING SCARED TO SLEEP FOR FEAR OF NIGHTMARES
WE TOOK OUR MEDS EARLY AND ALL HOPING FOR A GOOD NIGHT OF DECENT SLEEP
GOD HAVING DID IS A SUCKFEST SOMETIMES
If you need a hug, heres one for you.
If your struggling, talk to someone. Reach out.
You are worth it. You deserve help.
To all of my friends, and to any new readers, you are not alone. The struggle is very real. Know that i care. I am here. And I send you a hug today.
Be the best you, you can be.