I FEEL IT THE URGE TO CUT THE URGE TO HURT MYSELF
IT IS STRONG AND I AM WEAK
IT IS THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, NOBODY IS UP
I AM ALONE. ALONE AND SCARED. AND WISHING I COULD BE NUMB.
JUST NUMB THE PAIN AWAY, ITS THE ONLY WAY TO SURVIVE RIGHT NOW
MEMORIES FUCKING SUCK. THEY REALLY REALLY SUCK.
IM WANTING TO HIDE, OR DISAPPEAR RIGHT NOW. DONT WANT TO BE HERE. CANT COPE. WANT TO QUIT FIGHTING.
yes thats me. relaxing with a cuppa.
im starting to slip. my mood is going low. i feel crappy.
i need a hug. wish someone was here to hug me. mom and dad are both here, but they are both busy. anyway i wouldnt ask them to sit with me. i’d feel awkward doing that.
i am about to burst out crying. my mind is racing. my head is pounding, i am about to explode in to uncontrollable tears.
i can feel others close by. littler insiders. they are panicking. they are sad. they are small and vulnerable.
i want to say i will take care of you. and i will. but who will take care of me?
she starts to think
starts to tremble
flashes engulf her mind and body
flashes from the past
she begins to cry
nothing escapes her lips
trembling, she pulls her arms tightly around her body
she waits for the tornado to disapate
it does, eventually
as she lies on her bed
she wonders why
and softly cries
hhihih it me Emily
I’m struggling tonight. I feel so gross. I feel unlovable. fat. ugly. and I hate how I feel. and I hate my body.
it disgusts me. I hate how I look. I know we are losing weight. and people have noticed it. commented that we are looking fab. I don’t see it though.
I just feel so sad. sad and lonely and unloved and unseen in my struggle.
Emily age 12
my heart is breaking
into a million pieces
will I ever heal?
she sits and stares
nothing in her eyes
fear of the night
and other parts
they run rampant
inside her mind
they are confined
inside her head
full of dread
feeling a mixture
wanting to disappear
young parts cry
they want to fly
to a new day