Helping a friend

I helped my friend Norma out today. She rang me this morning. She was very down and felt very low. She asked me if I could come over for a little while. I wasn’t doing much so I said I could. I went over to her place for 3 hours. We just hung out and talked. I think it helped her. She seemed much better when I was leaving. I texted her a little bit ago and she texted back to say she was ok and she might ring me later tonight. I am glad I was able to be there for her. Its good to be there for friends when you can be and if they need it. I know she’d do the same for me and she has done in the past. I felt useful today, I felt like I was making a difference. Its sad that she’s alone so often. She has PAS coming in but she doesn’t have too many other people coming over. She doesn’t have a lot of friends. She has mental health difficulties and she’s blind and has dyspraxia. I enjoy her company we have a lot in common. I’m just glad that today I was able to do some good for my friend. I’m grateful to have family who cares about me and helps me when I need it and never allows me to be alone when I feel bad. Its a blessing to have them.

Novas random word of the day: transmitted

ice cold
numb to the bone
feelings transmitted
i feel so alone
shaking, quaking
long sharp breath
exhaling
fear grips me
oh, shit
i cant see
now what do I do?
feeling, stuck
Just like glue?
Where to go from here?
Oh, who cares!
Its all the same
Isolated, feeling ashamed
Dont know why
All I want to do is cry!

http://mynamaste365online.blog/2019/08/13/ndrw-71/

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Clamming up…losing my words…

I have so much I wanna say. I cant. I am lost for words.

My chest is tight my stomach hurts.

I feel clammy, sick, sweaty.

I am losing my shit. I wanna talk but I cant. I need to. I just cant though.

Everything is wrong. So much going on. I just need someone to hear me. Hear what I am not saying…

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I need my therapist so bad right now

I really want to text my therapist. I need her so bad right now. I feel so alone. I cant text her, as its gone midnight. But I can email her which I did. The kids are scared and upset. They’ve been crying a lot tonight. They hate the dark. We dont really feel safe. we are feeling anxious and unsafe which is hard to cope with. Nitro is helping though. I just really need her right now. I wish I had her here with me. I have goten out my willow tree figures. She has some of those in her office and haivng mine out is helping me to feel connected to her. I have also gotten out my fleece throw. I wrapped up in it and that also helps me feel connected to her as she has one in her office which she wraps around us when we’re doing memory work. I hate feeling so needy. But I just cant help it. We just feel emotional. And overwhelmed.

I JUST DONT KNOW

I AM SO DOWN. I FEEL SO SO DEPRESSED. I AM JUST SO SAD THIS MORNING.

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. SO I EMAILED EILEEN. I ASKED HER FOR SOME ADVICE.

SOME ADVICE TO HOPEFULLY MAKE ME FEEL A LITTLE BETTER. I KNOW SHE ALWAYS GIVES GOOD ADVICE. I’VE TRIED SO MANY THINGS ALREADY, NOTHING HAS HELPED. I JUST FEEL SO ALONE. SO ALONE AND SO VERY SAD.

I HOPE SHE EMAILS ME BACK SOON. I COULD USE SOME KIND CARING THOUGHTS. IF ANYONE HAS ANY, PLEASE WRITE ME. I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

WENDY