your Definition of addiction

so I’m wondering…

How would you define addiction?

I mean if you had to come up with your own definition of it.

This is a question we were asked last night during class.

I am curious as to what peoples answers are on it.


College went great

well the first night went great! I was so exhausted afterwords that I came home and fell into bed!

We had intros to the two modules we’d be covering. Community development, and substance use and misuse.

We did some ice breaker games, to get to know one another. That was cool. We had to introduce one another and give two statements about ourselves, one which was true and one which was false. Then the class had to guess which was was true or false.

We got our assignment briefs. There are a lot of assignments. For the community development module, we have a community development project, and a community profile, and a group project. For the substance use and misuse module we have a book review, a reflective journal, a case study.

All of the assignments are about 2000 words in length each. So we’ll be kept very busy.

The tutor who teaches the substance use and misuse part of the course is a psychotherapy and works in the field of addiction. He’s really experienced. I think we’ll learn a lot from him.

I enjoyed the first night though. At least four people in my class are in recovery from drug or alcohol addiction. It was interesting to hear them speak. To look at things from an addicts perspective.

I think this course is going to be great. I am looking forward to the weeks ahead.

Things i want to do

so i’ve been thinking. about things i’d like to do over the next two years. things like courses, college courses, and volunteering opportunities i maybe want to try to get involved in. i intend to stay volunteering with the cork city partnership. i like it there. i also intend to stay volunteering at shine, at the basement club as an admin staff. i love it there too. this new course i’m starting next week, i’ve been thinking once i finish that what do i want to do. part of me wants to do advocacy work. i rang the place that runs the advocacy course i want to do, but they arent running it again until 2019. so thats out for now at least. i found out about two other courses. one is a course in psychological studies, it leads to a degree, its expensive though. 1000 euro a year at least. i’d have to look into it more. i might email my friend denise and ask her to send me on info about it. because maybe when i finish the drugs and alcohol course i could do that while i wait to do the advocacy course. its a thought anyway. the advocacy course is only short, and is relatively cheap. i love psychology so i know i’d really love the course in psychological studies. it is also part time which i think would suit me better than full time. when i go to college full time it always leads to me being totally stressed out and quitting. i’ve never finished any of the full time courses i started. i basically dropped out in the middle of both of them. i was doing social work, that didnt work out. i did childcare, that also didnt work out. that tells me something, that maybe full time college doesnt suit me at this time. i did finish a diploma in community education anda diploma in youth and community work, both of those I did part time. so i can do it. i can achieve qualifications. i just need to slow down and work at a slower pace. i also recently saw a course in community mental health but i think its just an intro level course and its pretty expensive too and doesnt lead to any qualification so i dont know if i’d be interested because i want courses where i can take what i’ve learned and apply it in a work or volunteer setting. another member at the basement club told me today about this training being offered to service users in our area to facilitate workshops and give them to groups of newly diagnosed people, but the thing is you have to be diagnosed with either psychosis or bipolar disorder, I am not diagnosed with either, even though we do have psychosis but its unofficial. so thats out for me, but the clinical nurse manager got back to me and asked me to submit a profile of myself and he said if further training opportunities come up that he will email them on to me. that was good of him and i like being a part of email lists where info is circulated because you find out about stuff that way which i really love since i cant read billboards or posters etc. i also got added to the cork city partnership mailing list. they put out a lot of info via email about upcoming events, training etc. i did think should i go on and do further study in addictions once i’ve my level five certification done but i am not sure, guess i’ll wait and see what happens, if i like it, i think i will like it, but i am not sure its what i want to work in full time, the addiction area i mean.

My interview

It went great. It was the most informal interview I’ve ever been to! And guess what? There were 8 people interviewing us all, and out of that 8, I got my supervisor, that is supervising my volunteering on tuesdays at the cork city partnership! She interviewed me! So I felt so comfortable. At least I knew her! The other woman that interviewed me was nice too. They asked me to tell them about myself. So I told them about my hobbies, and stuff. And it turns out the other lady was into making jewelery also! They asked me about my involvement in community work and in volunteering. I have an extensive volunteering history so I had a lot to say about that. They asked me about my involvement in drugs and alcohol, was I involved in anything to do with addictions now, i said I volunteer in shine with people who have dual diagnosis both mental health and addiction. They talked to me about the course, asking me if I felt I’d struggle with the assignments, if I had any questions for them. I said no I didnt have any, that I didnt think I’d struggle as I have done many assignment in the past.
They said they’d let me know in a couple of days, I told them to email me with my results. But I am feeling positive about it.

Information night for college

so last night I went to the information night for college. It went well. My friend Denise from the basement club has also applied to do the same course, so we met up when we got to the college. It was good to have someone else that I knew there also. I also ran into this girl I used to be in college with some years ago. That felt strange. The tutors told us about the course, what they expected of us, how the course would be laid out, about assignments, the marking process for marking assignments, etc. It was a lot of information. We firmed up our interview times for next week also. Some people there had to take an English exam, that exam was for people who had no qualifications. There were about 50 of us there altogether. But only 25 will get a place on the course. I hope I get a place. It sounds like an amazing course. The course runs for 20 weeks, 3 hours each Tuesday evening. After the 20 weeks are up we get an opportunity to do extra training in child protection, in safe talk about suicide and in creating an intervention not sure what that’s about but it seems good. Then also some people from other college courses are going to come in at the end and give us a talk on progression and progressing to further study. They told us the interview will last for about 15 minutes. We’ll all be asked the same questions and we’ll be rated on our answers. There will be two people interviewing us. Basically they said we’d be asked about our interest in doing the course, about our experience in working in our community and about our past and background. I am going to write out some ansers this week and prepare myself for the interview. If I really want to get a place I need to do that. There are a lot of assignments to do once you get a place. Projects, a case study, essays, reflective journal, etc. There are two modules to be covered, community development, and substance use and misuse issues. I learned a lot last night. Now its just to wait for the interview next Tuesday. This morning I am seeing Mark my OT and we are going to do interview prep. I am feeling positive though.

I applied to go back to college today

so some of you might know i was looking in to going to college in september. i have been working with my OT mark on this. I had a couple of things in mind, mainly childcare, advocacy and youth and community work. I decided childcare is not for me. I’ve tried it. It is great, and I love learning about child development and education and stuff but its not practical really given my blindness. And doing another course in childcare would not be cost effective either because it would be a full time course and I’d need to take a taxi there and back each day which there is no way I could afford on my weekly budget. So i’ve decided childcare is now out. My next choice was doing an advocacy course. However I rang them up and it turns out the course only runs every two years, and its been running this year so wont be running again until 2019. So thats now out too. So my last option for now is a course in youth and community work. Its called substance use and misuse in youth and community work. When I first looked at this course I thought it would not be very benificial to me because I dont work with the youth or addicts. But then my mentor colette from the basement club said I should rethink because she had done it and she doesnt work with that sector either but she said there is lots of things it taught her and lots of stuff to learn about addiction and even if you dont work with young people it could come in handy for other communities that you are a part of. Well then I was thinking yeah, I work voluntarily with the basement club and I will be starting a volunteer position soon with cork city partnership working with vulnerable people in disadvantaged areas. So yes it would come in handy. I was also a youth club leader in the past, and I also have a diploma in youth and community work. So I filled up the application form today. The course is part time, one evening a week for 3 hours, and then some work to do at home like assignments and other projects. It runs for a year. There are only 25 places though and usually about 50 or 60 people apply to do the course. Interviews are run and I hope I’ll at least get an interview. So thats my good news of the day. I’m really hopeful that I will get to do the course. I think I would benefit from it and learn alot too along the way.
carol anne


when your day turns to shit in an instant…

feelings of grief and sadness overwhelm me. hearing my mom bio mom play with my sisters kids, our littles are so jealous of her giving them all that attention. they want the attention for themselves. but it will never be that way because our mom will only ever see the adult body in front of her. she wont ever see that child, those inner kids, those little parts. that makes me incredibly sad, and it makes them even sadder. it also makes me incredibly grief stricken. thinking i’ve lost so much, so so much of my childhood, to abuse, a mom who wasnt there emotionally, a dad who never cared and always put alcohol before his kids, and yeah, he’s a little better now, but sometimes now is not good enough, sometimes its too late and you cant go back even when you desperately want to go back in time, redo things, i think of eileen as a mom, she isnt though, she cant be, she is only ever going to be my therapist, and no matter what we do that isnt going to change. i feel crushed. overwhelm threatens to engulf me. i’m even feeling a little bit suicidal. i think i feel suicidal at the loss of my childhood to all the trauma, yeah, thats it, all the fucking trauma, and boy was there a lot of it. i hate ptsd. i hate having did some days, like today, having parts is so much work, its so much work to just survive, and i hate just surviving, i want to live, live or die, one or the other.