Liebster award

Angela, over at I am my own island had a post with a liebster award, and she invited anyone who wanted to to answer her questions and participate in the award post to do it. So here I go doing it.

11 facts about me

1 I am blind.
2 I have one sister and no brothers.
3 I am short, at 5 foot 1 inch
4 I have a guide dog
5 I have a real phobia of bees. I’m terrified of them.
6 I love the sunshine.
7 I like most types of music.
8 I love the internet and being online.
9 I have a diploma in youth and commuity work.
10 I was on a locked unit in the past.
11 I’ve attempted suicide numerous times.

angelas 11 questions

1. Who was the last person to give you a compliment?
A nurse in the hospital
2. What time do you usually wake up in the morning?
Very early. Around 5 or 6 AM.
3. What calms you on your toughest day?
My dog, or hearing from friends.
4. What inspires you to blog?
The connection I recieve from other bloggers.
5. What are you wearing right now?
6. Is the glass half empty or half full?
It depends on the day but right now half full.
7. Have you been in love?
I am very much in love, doing a long distance relationship.
8. What was your greatest adventure?
Going to mall of america.
9. Where do you see yourself in ten years?
I dont know I find it hard to think about the future.
10. Beach? Mountains? Or big city?
beach every time.
11. What is the meaning behind your blog name?
My blog is called therapy bits. Because I write about my therapy process a lot in it.

My 11 questions are:

1 Who is your hero>?
2 Are you a morning person or a night owl?
3 Winter or summer?
4 If you could work at any job what would you ;pick?
5 Name 3 things that are good in your life?
6 Do you have pets?
7 3 things you struggle with?
8 Your biggest fear?
9 Something that makes you laugh?
10 Do you cry easily?
11 Someone you treasure?

Anyone who wants to feel free to participate. I nominate all of you to do this.

Book review-Daddys boy by Casey Watson

just finished reading another casey watson short story called daddys boy. as usual it was a great read.
This book tells Paulie’s story. Paulie is 5 and comes to Casey as an emergency placement. He arrives after his mother decides to just hand him over to social services because she says she is unable to cope with his challenging behaviour. Paulie’s mother has 4 other kids, 3 girls and a boy. The girls are 14, 12 and 11 and the boy is 18 months old. All of her kids are by different fathers. The girls father died in a motorcycle accident some years back. Paulie’s father is a retired military soldier. And her babys father is currently living with them. Before Paulie comes to casey he is with his aunt for the night. Casey thinks, he’s only five, what kind of damage can a five year old do? Her link worker John Fulshaw has said that he is no ordinary five year old. When Paulie arrives he is tiny. Casey cant believe her eyes at how small he is. But when he opens his mouth and starts swaring at casey she cant believe her ears. She thinks he’s acting like a teenager with how he’s speaking. John fills casey in before he leaves on paulie’s background, as much as he can of it. Then he leaves and Casey is left to deal with Paulie’s behaviour. It comes to pass that paulie loves and idealises his dad. He rarely sees him. But he constantly talks about him. He also develops a strong bond with Caseys husband Mike. A few days into Paulie’s stay, an email comes through to casey from Paulie’s social worker. It has come to light that Paulie has killed the family rabbit, by bloodgioning it to death. Casey is shocked at this info and Mike is sceptical and doesnt believe it right away. The email also says that Paulie tried to choke his baby brother. There is an incident then when casey is trying to get Paulie into the bath. And he is being stubborn and not wanting to get in, he is wanting his army pants which Casey doesnt have. He is screaming and shouting obscenities at casey, she shouts back at him and this stuns him because he isnt expecting it. And he actually does what Casey says and gets into the bath. Then his social worker calls and wants to bring over some of his things. Paulie gets very upset when he finds out the social worker is coming over. He cries and begs Casey not to let him in. He rushes up to his room and hides when the doorbell rings. He had told casey he was afraid the social worker would make him tell things about the rabbit. the social worker comes in and has brought Cathy who is a play worker. She goes to Paulie while the social worker talks to casey. Then, all of a sudden they hear a banging on the window and screaming from outside. When they go to check what the noise is Paulie’s father is out there. Paulie starts screaming for his dad and that he wants his dad. And his dad starts yelling for them to give him back his son. The social worker goes outside and him and Paulie’s dad get in a fight. Then caseys husband arrives home and he also gets in a fight with Paulie’s dad. Eventually the police are called and they come and bring paulie’s dad to the station. That night paulie is taken out of caseys care. He is taken to a long term foster home. The story ends with casey reflecting on the placement. Paulie is taken to long term foster care, and it turns out he didnt intentionally kill the rabbit after all, it was an accident but his stepdad made a big deal of it and made it look intentional. This was a brilliant book and I’d highly recommend it to anyone who like true stories about children in foster care, or anyone who is studying social work, or who fosters kids. I think you’ll get a lot out of reading it.

Things that happened on the ward today

its manic around here. always something happening. this morning a patient was screaming at the top of her lungs at 7 AM. she thinks she’s pregnant. and that being on meds is going to harm her baby. she isnt pregnant at all. she keeps swaring she isnt mentally ill and the nurses are the ones who are mad. she is in involuntarily I think. it was a little scary when she was shouting but I just tried to ignore it and chalk it up to her being unwell and unstable.
a very nice lady in my room gave me lots of chocolate and chips and candy. She bought lots and is sharing. I’m glad as the food in here is nasty. Today I ate a yogurt and toast for breakfast…a bowl of soup for lunch, and I did eat the vegetarian lasagna that was for supper. it was actually quite nice.
My key nurse today was John. He was nice and very helpful. Unfortunately he had to go home sick though. One of the nurse therapists took his place. We know her and have known her for years. The first thing she said to us when she came to tell us she was taking his place for a couple hours was, whose fronting? lol. She knows us too well i think. There was a student nurse looking after us in the afternoon. Her name is mags. She is very nice but she is finding it hard to get her head around the did diagnosis.
So yes, something always going on on the ward.

Had a tough conversation with dr. Barry

just saw dr. barry. we had some really tough conversations. mostly they were around attachment, we talked about our level of attachment to dr. barry. i asked her if she thought it was healthy. she said she thought parts of it werent. she said she realised how long it took us to build up trust in her, and to form an attachment with her. she said they’d discussed it at the recent case conference they had about us and some of the other psychiatrists said they thought it was a miracle that we’d been able to attach to anyone given all we’ve been through. dr. barry talked about decreasing our appointments from weekly to maybe every 10 days or two weeks. that sent us into a tail spin. we immediately felt like she was saying i’ve had enough, i want to get rid of you, i dont want to continue in this relationship. logically i know she wasnt ssaying that, but emotionally i am struggling with it. i need her. i need her more than she realises. i dont want to decrease the weekly appointments. it will be too hard to cope. dr. barry said that she realises that i find it hard to cope especially when she goes on holidays. she said that that has been the way for the last 2 and a half years, that every time she goes away the system goes into crisis and it takes weeks for us to stabilise again, and that we need to find a way of moving forward in our relationship. and she wondered how can we progress. she thought that i’d be mad and saying she didnt understand me or that we werent on the same page, but i wasnt. i didnt cry but the emotion was welling up in me. she said we need to talk more about this, and that its good that we are in hospital when these conversations are happening.
we talked about medication. she is starting me on prozac. i asked her about lamictal but she said she wouldnt use that for ptsd symptoms. the reason she wants to put me on prozac is because it has a longer half life, meaning if a dose is missed it stays in your system for longer. so i am starting that tonight. she is also going to prescribe me a prn of ativan i think. just to get me through the weekend. i’m happy about the new med regime. i’m willing to try it and see what happens. she said there is a possibility of having the prozac in a weekly depo form, a tablet, once a week. If thats the case it will be great. It will mean we wont have to worry about it every day.
the other thing we talked about was us being on our own and not being able to take care of ourselves. i told her that because of the dissociation and the levels of dissociation we keep forgetting to take meds, and when our mental health is really bad we dont take care of ourselves. we simply cant. she said maybe we need to consider living in a high support unit, but that the waiting list for such a place is long and we could be waiting months for that. she said we need to talk some more about it over the coming days. I know I said before I never wanted to give up my independence and go live somewhere but I think the time has come where I really have no other alternative. Things arent working out at home.
It was a good appointment. She has taken our memory stick and she is going to put the report on it, you know the report i said I’d post here? The one she did up for the police? I’ll have it later on today and I’ll be posting it with a password on it. She said she’d have my memory stick back to me by five.

I’m in the hospital now

I just got to the hospital about an hour ago. I’m trying to settle in.
I got a big surprise when dr. Barry rang me herself to tell me a bed had become available and that I should go in. Normally the nursing staff do that. Cant believe dr. barry actually took the time to do it herself. Shows how much she cares.
When I came in I met a student nurse called Mags. I knew her from a couple of years ago when I was on the locked ward. She did my admission paperwork and went through my property with me. She took the time to walk me around the ward, show me where the bathroom was etc. I’m in a ward next to the nurses station. I think its the observation ward. It has changed since I’ve last been in it. I’m on the acute side of the ward, so the people on this side are sicker than the people on sub acute where I usually go.
The doctor on call just saw me a couple of minutes ago. Usually when you come in the doctor on call assesses you, and asks you about how things are going in your life. Its kinda just for formality. He also does a physical examination. He hasnt done mine yet but I’m sure he will soon.
Dr. Barry told me on the phone that she’d see me tomorrow morning. I’m glad about that. I didnt really feel comfortable telling the doctor on call anything, he didnt know me and I didnt know him. I just prefer to talk to dr. Barry about how things are for me.
Right now I am feeling pretty ok. I have no thoughts of harming myself. My mood is low though. We keep having flashbacks too which are awful. One of my favourite nurses is on duty tonight though so thats good. If I have any problems during the night I know I can go to her to talk.

Healing words of the day

One tree can start a forest. One smile can begin a friendship. One hand can lift a soul. One word can frame the goal. One candle can wipe out darkness. One laugh can conquer gloom. One touch can show you care. One life can make the difference, be that one today.
Author Unknown