Beach

yesterday i went to the beach. i went with my mom and my sister and her two kids. we had a great day. we took food and had a bbq on the beach. it was a beautiful day and we sat in the sun. there was a little bit of a breeze and just being able to sit in the sun and watch the kids play was lovely. mom cooked the food and we all ate it. then we went for a walk on the beach, played in the rock pools, caught crabs which was a little bit scary but fun too lol. i held a crab in my hand and we took pictures. we stayed at the beach all afternoon. then we took the kids to a nearby park to play, and then i bought everyone icecream cones. it was just a really lovely afternoon. after the previous night where i’d felt down and suicidal and depressed it was a welcome change and something i really needed. we’re planning on doing it again next weekend if the weather is good.

Dip

my mood has dipped. right now i am feeling very low. i’m alone in the house too so that isnt helping. its too late to call anyone. could use some support from all of you. i’m starting to go into that dark place. i want to try to stop that from happening. i’m not suicidal but i’m afraid i may get that way if my mood stays low. depression really sucks.

singing

i just got home after an amazing singing lesson. it was my last lesson of the term. however summer lessons start in two weeks time. they last for six weeks. i wasnt going to do summer lessons but i love it so much that i decided that i’d rather spend a little extra money on the lessons when i am benefiting so much from them. and i really am benefiting. not only am i practicing technique and learning new songs but i am gaining confidence and even doing the breathing exercises at the start of each lesson is benefiting me as i use it to ground myself sometimes. i havent done any performances yet but thats ok. we are going to do a couple of recordings of the songs i’ve learned over the summer. of course when i do i will share them with all of you. its nice to have something that i am so passionate about, and something that i look forward to each week.

Exam this morning

i’m waiting to start an exam. Its starting in 15 minutes. I’m very nervous.
This is the only exam for this module though. Its the module on the internet that we started last week. And its a skills demo exam. We have to do things like sending email and searching for topics, thats the easy stuff.
Wish me luck. Hopefully my nerves will calm down soon. I always get anxious at exam time.

Past abuser found me

OMG i am so triggered right now. i was having a great night when all of a sudden a past abuser started following our blog. they tried to leave me a comment but i didnt approve it. it was fairly obvious they were trying to get to me. i quickly trashed their comment and privatised the blog. i hate having to do this but i cant just cant have them following us. its way too dangerous.
feeling so anxious and so triggered and stressed out right now.
cant believe this happened! I suppose it was only a matter of time, I mean we are quite open about our did and abuse and stuff or we were…
not any more though…from now on we’re only having certain people who we trust reading our words!
Carol anne

Privatising the blog for now feel free to request access regular readers

i need to go private for a while. feel free to request access. i cant talk about it yet but i will soon. safe to say someone has found us who we do not want reading. please all of my regular readers please request access. i want to still blog and i dont want to lose any of you. thank you guys for understanding.