Goodbye Dr. Barry, see you in two weeks!

We wont see dr. Barry for two weeks now. Sh e went on holiday tonight. She is only gone for a week, but then the following week we’re in respite so we dont get to have an appointment with her then either.

She had said yesterday during ward round that she’d pop in to see us today. Normally she doesnt see any of her patients on Fridays, so the fact that she was doing this for us made us feel really special and cared about.

We waited and waited and there was no sign of her, it got later and later, eventually we kind of gave up on her coming in when it got to 7 pm. Our mom visited and left and we were laying on our bed with our eyes closed reflecting on the day.

And then, at 8 PM she came in to our ward and said, Carol anne? Its me, Dr. Barry, I just came to say goodbye! We almost jumped off the bed with happiness.

I was like you are working so late! She sat on our bed and we talked for a few minutes. She asked me how my day had gone and I told her about the flashbacks I’d been having and how I didnt eat lunch because I felt I was going to throw up. I told her the nurses were on my case about not eating but that I just couldnt. She said that was ok and asked if I ate at supper time, I did, I had a sandwich.

She asked me how I’d slept last night. I told her I did sleep but had woken up twice during the night but I was able to go back to sleep both times.

I told her to have a good holiday, and that I’d miss her next week, I told her I was really nervous about how it was going to go with the junior doctors next week. She told me that Karen the social worker would be there on tuesday, and to try not to anticipate how it will go, just go with the flow of things. So thats what I’m going to try to do.

She made me feel so special and very loved. Thank you Dr. Barry. Thank you for keeping your promise!

Flashbacks are a bitch

ok. i feel like crap. i couldnt eat dinner. i felt too ill. sick from constant flashbacks. its hell. i keep feeling like i’m gonna throw up.

waves of nausea and pain keep coming over me. i am debating whether i should just go ask my nurse amanda for a PRN of haldol. the thing is if i take haldol now, i’ll probably fall asleep and I dont want that because then I’ll be all unsettled for tonight.

my mom is coming to visit me later and i want to be ok for her. if she sees me like this she’ll only get upset. i sware flashbacks are a bitch. they sneak up on you and before you know it they leave you feeling depleted and debilitated.

just feel so sad and so alone. pain is unbearable. i just want an end to it.

not coping

i’m having a terrible morning. i’m being flooded with memories. i want to die. i want it to stop. someone make it stop. i cant take another minute of this.
my head is spinning, my body is aching, my mind is racing.
someone help me please?

Med mix up

so this morning I noticed there were only 4 tablets in the little cup that I get my meds in.

I took them but was like what is going on here! So I said to the nurse amanda, what meds did you give me?

She said she gave me glucophage, lyrica, and keppra, so I was like what about my prozac? I am on 60 mg of prozac!

She said the doctor never wrote you up for it! You didnt get it yesterday either! That says a lot about why I was so down and sleeping a lot yesterday. I didnt have the antidepressant in my system.

She said she’d sort it out before 10 AM this morning. Its weird how you can miss a med for only 2 days and really feel the effects of it. I had a pretty bad effect to missing the prozac. Hopefully she’ll sort it out for me and I can get my dose for this morning.

Wakey wakey

thank god for student nurses. one of them just came in to wake me up. i was sound asleep. but i need to stay awake, otherwise I wont sleep tonight. after lunch i lay down but had no intentions of falling asleep. not sure how i managed that as i wasnt tired or anything. i think the heat in here has something to do with it. this morning i had a bad headache and was feeling very dizzy. my blood pressure was low too. its ok again now though and my headache is gone. i’m awake and plan to stay up until bed time.