Bad night last night and day today

Last night was a bad night sleep wise. I didnt get any. I ended up texting a friend on facebook for a long time just to distract myself from the thoughts in my head. I was having desperate suicidal thoughts and self harm thoughts. This is becoming an all too familiar pattern by night. To be honest I’m kind of fed up with it.
Today was no better. I talked to two nurses about how I was feeling. They were both very helpful but they didnt understand the did and I had to explain myself to them which I was annoyed about. I told them I’d talked to Dr. Barry about having to explain my diagnosis and she’d told me they should be able to look up my notes or look up text books and that I shouldnt have to explain it to them. They said they understood the diagnosis but they needed to know what was currently going on for me so that they could better help me. Well ok…whatever.
Anyway they were going to call the doctor on call to come and review me. But then I layed down and fell asleep so when he came he didnt wake me so I never saw him after all.
I slept on and off all day. Well not all day but for a few hours at least. I didnt eat dinner today. Just didnt feel like it really. Felt too depressed to even eat. I didnt get dressed either today, stayed in PJ’S all day. And didnt have a shower either. Will do that tomorrow.
I’m hopeful tomorrow will be a better day. I want to go home on Tuesday when I see dr. barry so I am determined to make the rest of this weekend better than it has been.

30 day writing challenge day 3

Write about your favourite tv series?
That would be either big bang theory or law and order SVU. I love olivia in Law and order SVU. She plays a great part. I also llove sheldon in big bang theory. I think he is so funny and he always makes me laugh.
I could binge watch these tv shows on netflicks over and over again. another one I love thats an oldie but a goodie is full house.

therapy today

today i saw eileen. we had a very intense session. we were very dissociative during most of it. she spent a lot of time just walking us around the room, having us touch objects, she kept telling us to come back to her, and open our eyes. not sure what was going on with the closing of our eyes. all i can think is because we were tired from lack of sleep last night we may have been more sleepy than usual. anyway a new insider kira came out. she is 11 and she has memories of an abuser chad raping us in 2007. she talked for a while to eileen about how scared she was of the memories, about how she wasnt able to share her memories with the rest of us yet. eileen was very supportive to her as she always is with all of us. she kept reaffirming to her that it was 2016 now and we were safe and that me and liz wouldnt let anything happen to her, kira didnt even know who eileen was or why we were sitting in her office. i also had some time with her which was nice. i mostly talked to her about home supports and things surrounding what needs to happen to establish those. liz also had time with her. they talked about attachment stuff and her self harm urges and about system safety. it was a very good session.

therapy today

today i saw eileen. we had a very intense session. we were very dissociative during most of it. she spent a lot of time just walking us around the room, having us touch objects, she kept telling us to come back to her, and open our eyes. not sure what was going on with the closing of our eyes. all i can think is because we were tired from lack of sleep last night we may have been more sleepy than usual. anyway a new insider kira came out. she is 11 and she has memories of an abuser chad raping us in 2007. she talked for a while to eileen about how scared she was of the memories, about how she wasnt able to share her memories with the rest of us yet. eileen was very supportive to her as she always is with all of us. she kept reaffirming to her that it was 2016 now and we were safe and that me and liz wouldnt let anything happen to her, kira didnt even know who eileen was or why we were sitting in her office. i also had some time with her which was nice. i mostly talked to her about home supports and things surrounding what needs to happen to establish those. liz also had time with her. they talked about attachment stuff and her self harm urges and about system safety. it was a very good session.

The whispers in my mind

whispers in my mind
so loud, so loud
is it a person from the past?
will it last?
i dont know but i’m scared
the whispers are creepy
kill yourself, they say
use a blade
take some pills
slit your wrists
then the blood will spill
and you will go to sleep forever
you will be at peace
isnt that what you want?
i try to fight
with all of my might
against the whispers in my mind
peace I cant find
its morning now
i’ve been up all night
trying to fight
with all of my might
against the whispers in my mind

Molly Hickey sings naughty from matilda, for voice works studio cork

voice works studio is where I do my individual vocal coaching. I thought I’d post a video of a little girl named Molly who is 10 singing naughty from matilda. Over the next few days I’ll post some more videos of students performing different songs. I havent done any videos yet so cant post some of me but it is in the works! Hope you enjoy.

30 day writing challenge day 2

Write about your tattoos and piercings?

I dont have any tattoos. I have always wanted to get a butterfly or a dolphin but I just never got around to it. Maybe some day I will. I think if I was going to tattoo any part of my body it would be my shoulder or upper arm. I think a butterfly or dolphin would be nice. Or a dream catcher with a feather coming out of it.

I have my ears pierced. I had them done 3 times, but I let two of the holes close up. Now they are just done once. Right now I am wearing heart shaped earrings my sister got me for christmas. I like having my ears pierced but I dont think I’d pierce any other part of my body. I’m not into nose rings or belly button rings or eyebrow rings.