Mental illness tag!

This was on another bloggers blog, she invited me to take part so I am gonna! Feel free to do it too the more awareness we spread the better!
Lets fight the stigma of mental illness together!

The questions for the tag are as follows:

1 What mental illness do you have?
I have dissociative identity disorder and complex ptsd. Those are my two main diagnoses but I also have depression, an anxiety disorder, and an ED which is not currently active.
2 When were you diagnosed?
I was unofficially diagnosed with did in 2000 by my then psychiatrist, I was also diagnosed with the ptsd during that time. Then in 2010 I got my official diagnosis when experts in the field of dissociation came from the Uk to interview me and do special testing.
3 Who knows about it?
My family, and most of my friends know. I am pretty open about my mental illnesses. I keep a blog, after all.
4 Do you recieve treatment for it?
Yes. I have a psychiatrist who I see once a week, her name is Dr. Barry. She is amazing. I also have a therapist who I see weekly, her name is Eileen. She is also amazing and she is a trauma specialist. I also see an OT and a nutritionist.
5 Has your mental illness stopped you from doing anything?
Not really. It has held me back from time to time when I’ve been hospitalised or been very unwell and was unable to go to college or do other things that I normally do.
6 Is there anything in particular that has helped you?
Going to therapy really helps me a lot. Just having someone who gets it and is there for me and validating my feelings is really helpful. Finding others who are going through similar things to me has also helped enormously.
7 Can you describe what it feels like to have your mental illness?
Having did is hard to describe. Its like being a jigsaw puzzle. So many parts, all trying to fit in, all sharing your body, pieces of the puzzle, and then also talking in your head, so many conversations going on all at once…
8 What is a common misconception about your mental illness?
That switching between alters is dramatic, it really isnt, in fact, unless you know what to look for you can miss a switch between two insiders very easily!
9 What do you find the most difficult to deal with?
Losing time, I can honestly say it is one of the most scariest aspects of having did, coming back and realising we’ve done something while i wasnt present, is hard to cope with.
10 Do you have anything else you’d like to say?
To anyone with a mental illness, dont be afraid to be yourself, if people dont like it that isnt your problem, you have a right to be who you are, tell your story, get help, you are not alone, others have walked a similar journey to you. Never give up!


i have a question for all of my readers. I am really struggling and I wonder if others ever struggle with this like i do?
do you find it hard to talk in therapy? like, when you get very emotional, do you find it hard to describe to your therapist what is wrong or going on for you?
I do.
And I dont know how to change that or how to be more open and feel safe enough to say what is wrong.
Its so difficult.
Anyone else feel like I do and if you have any ideas for me on how to change things please let me know?

Bank holiday

today is a bank holiday. its a bank holiday both in ireland and i think in the UK as well. I’m at my parents house. I’ve been here since Saturday. Yesterday was a trigger date, it was May day which is a big ritual trigger date. We stayed safe but kept to ourselves, didnt really talk to any of our friends or go online even. I slept a lot yesterday. My sister came to mom and dads with her partner and the kids for dinner, and then her and our mom went into town shopping, I didnt go with them. Mom and me went to our aunts last night for drinks. I debated whether I would go but eventually I jumped in the shower and went, I figured it would do me good and would be a welcome distraction. It was nice to catch up with my aunt and cousins. I dont have college today. It feels good to have a day off. I had planned on sleeping in but I woke up at 8:30 even though Iwent to bed after 1 AM. This week in college we have some skills demonstrations to do. They are worth 30 percent of our overall grade in the module. We have to do things for the skills demo like skyping, uploading a youtube video, adding an RSS feed, creating a blog, doing a vodcast, etc. All pretty easy things I think. I usually have therapy on Mondays, but since its a bank holiday I dont have any. I will see Eileen tomorrow morning instead. I think therapy will be hard this week. We are dealing with a lot of intense emotions and a couple of other stressers as well. It will be good to talk but probably wont be easy and sometimes I find it hard to find words for what needs to be said. My sister is almost done with college, she just has to do exams this coming week. She’s studying to be a health care assistant. She has I think four exams one every day from Tuesday to Friday. I asked her if she was nervous about them but she said no, that she really isnt too bothered. She’s very laid back anyway, not like me, I would stress over exams. I guess we are very different from each other when it comes to academic stuff.

Heads up to my readers, an announcement

Hi everyone
This is just a quick heads up post. In a couple of weeks I will be getting the report that dr. barry did up, the one we need to submit to the police. She will be giving me a copy for myself, it basically tells the police about me, my diagnosis, my symptoms, history with the psychiatric services, etc. I’ll be posting it to the blog but I will be passwording the post. And it wont be the usual password. So, heres the thing. If you’d like to read the report, send me an email or leave a comment here with your email address so I can send you the password. Probably the quickest thing to do though is send me a note and I can just reply with the password. As I said I wont be posting the report for a couple of weeks, so you have some time to contact me.
My email address is

Please mark the email “reading the report” in the subject line.
Thanks guys,
Carol anne

Possible absess in my mouth

I am in awful pain this afternoon. I think I have an absess in my mouth. My jaw really hurts. I’ve tried to poke around in my mouth but I cant really feel anything in there. I’ve had the pain since early in the week. I’m considering going to the doctor tomorrow morning, I was going to go yesterday but then I chickened out at the last minute thinking he’d say I was wasting his time, if it wasnt an absess. I am not sure it is one but there is definitely something wrong. It hurts to eat and it hurts to open my mouth wide. Maybe the doctor will take a look and send me straight to the dentist, who knows. I think though that I need to get it checked out. Even if it turns out to be nothing, its still better to be safe than sorry. But my jaw is swollen so I am pretty sure its not nothing.