i got talk to dr. barry today. i got to have mosta the session. t was good i telled her how scared i was of the voises. how they were mean to me and telled me to hurt the body and hurt myself. she listened and she said how did i manage. and then itelled her about eileen and wat she tol me to do. and i telled her that i tried to do the things she said last night. like turning the volume of the voises down. and when i see the blood to change the color of it. she said it is good i am using my resourses. we talked about karen. i tol her my hart hurts becuase she leaving. she said it hard when you are losing someone important frum your life. she said that its hard to be hapy for karen and then to deal wif the feling of losing her too. i said ya it is. we ar gonna say goodbye to karen next week. we have a card for her and we writed a nice message inside it. i told dr. barry that i got stuked out last night. and this mornin. and i couldnt get back inside agin. i tried and tried but i culdnt. it skary cuz then i have to manage and try to be a growned up. and i cant do it. im not good at actin like a growned up. i tol dr. barry that i wish the bosses who gave karen the promoton wuld keep her on dr. barrys team. she said unfortunatly it dosnt work like that. and i said i wished it did. my dr. barry is so kind. she talk sofly to me. and she realy lisens to at i have to say. she never tries to get rid of me or say she has enough of me or noothin. i love her cuz shes special. she the best doctor. my best. and karen is my best social worker. i tol her we writed in te card yur simply the best. we talk about sarah and i said i am nervous to meet her. dr. barry said it wil be ok. that sarah kno to ask for carol anne or liz but if one of us kids comes out she is ok with it. and she wil talk to us and she wil be nice to us. i glad of that. dr. barry talked to her about us. so she knows and that is good. i not lookin forward to next week and sayin goodbye to karen. i think i wil cry. it gonna be so hard. i will hug her real hard and i wont wanna let go. dr. barry is gonna be there too i think. i glad bout that. it helps that she will be there too.
i didnt go to the basement club yesterday. i was supposed to volunteer, tuesday is my day for volunteering. but i didnt. it was because i was seeing eileen at the time i usually volunteer. i rang them and let them know i wouldnt be in. i’ll probably go in on thursday afternoon. just for a chat to some of the other members. a catch up. i dont think there is a lot going on right now in the basement club. but i might go to catch up to see what is happening. maybe there will be groups coming up. i have supervision on the 24th with emily. i get supervision every month. i love supervision. i know i’m weird because most people dont like supervision. but i do. i feel it is a great way to air things and talk about how i’m doing and what is working and what isnt working. emily has good ideas to enhance the admin role and she takes our ideas on board too. i’m thinking i’ll start up the newsletter again. i used to do a monthly newsletter for the members about things that were happening in the basement club. i stopped for a couple months but now i think i’m ready to take that back up again. i need to run it by emily in supervision but i’m sure she’ll agree to it. thats a lot of work but i love researching tings and putting all the info together. so yeah. feeling positive and good about my role as a volunteer.
Good morning to all of my readers 🙂 I hope you’re all having a fine morning. Me, I haven’t slept. I’m still going surviving on coffee bucketloads of it,lol
I’m thinking about both of my appointments this morning my appointment with Mark the OT and my appointment with Doctor Barry. My thoughts are racing and I’m wondering what will come up in both of the appointments. I need to get organised, figure out what I need to talk about.
What are your plans for today? My day is going to be busy not only with the two appointments but also my mum is coming over to help me around the house, and then my home help will be here at five. So yeah busy day ahead.
carol anne say i can rit. i not like this nite. it dark and i fraid of tha dark. i skard bad men gon come. get me and hurt me. carol anne said no. they wont she said she wil kep me safe. i hope so. i do trus her lots. i emailed eileen. i teled her i was skard. i hop she wil get it tomoro. i tol her my felings are big. big and skary. and it fels lik i gona drown. i be shakin and stuff all tha tim. and tha voises ar bak too. thay say mean thigs to me. tel me to hurt htha body. but i didnt. i didnt do nothin. i told them to shut up. i not gon lisen to them. i gon tak my remote that eileen tol me to get and turn tha voises down. change tha chanel. that wat we pratic in therpy. and i go to do that now. also she say wen i see blood, to change that color from red to a difrent one. i like purple or pink. so i change the bad red color to a pink color. and that helps. dat all i kno wat to say. i got go to bed now. night eferyone.
taylor i six
I had a bit of an argument with my mom tonight. She always comes over to my house on wednesdays. She cuts the grass usually, and does a couple of other bits around the house. The thing is she doesnt drive, she gets my sister to drop her off and pick her up. My sister is working and then she drops my dad off to the nursing home to see his brother, and so on the way to do that she drops mom off to my house. Usually on a wednesday I am seeing dr. barry in the morning and so I dont get home until about 11 AM. Mom was coming over at about 11:30. But these past few weeks she’s not coming over until after 12:30. The time she is spending with me is getting shorter and shorter. Tonight I felt upset and said so to her. She snapped at me that I was lucky she came over and that some people have no one to cut their grass or help them clean their house when their PA isnt around. I know all that. But I just felt so sad, I just want a few hours with mom on my own, a few hours a week, is that too much to ask? I know I see her at weekends. But we are rarely alone and I wish we were alone more often. I just want some one on one time with her. She said my sister might drop the kids off to her tomorrow morning, so if she does that will mean she’ll have to bring them to my house. I dont mind that, davin just plays with the big box of cars I have, lauren gets bored though, there isnt much she can play with or do in my house besides watch tv or play with the cabbage patch dolls. If mom is out cutting grass, that means I will have to look after the kids. I’m really not up for that. So yeah tonight I got snappy with mom and she was like what is the silence about? And I tried to tell her Lauren would be bored and she was like I know but what can I do? I really felt like saying tell Laura to drop the kids to davin’s moms house! That would be easier. I know it sounds like I’m a selfish bitch. And I probably am. But I just want my mom to myself for a while tomorrow. I feel a need to have that mother daughter time with her. In the end tonight I phoned her back and apologised for being crabby. She said that it was ok but that I should realise how lucky I am to have the support of my family. I know that. I do know I am lucky as not everyone has that support.
I just took this video of nitro, I don’t know if I took it correctly but I tried, he is making me so happy tonight, he is keeping me distracted and keeping me busy I love him so much he is my world, he is an amazing dog. 🙂