i’ve just had a text from my singing teacher. she asked me if i wanted to perform at a gig thats coming up on may 31st. she said there was a set list of songs to choose from and she would send it to me later today and i could decide and then we could work on one together. if i do it it will be my first performance since i started vocal tuition. i’m excited. just to be asked, is an honour. i always think i am not that good and so the fact that she asked me was special to me. i hope there will be something on the list that i want to sing.
we are going to see dr. barry today. and i am going to talk to her, because i have missed her. its been a while since i talked to her.
i know she will ask me how i am doing. and i will say, i am happy. happy that your back from holidays. happy to be seeing you. happy to talk to you again. just happy…
but what i want to say to her is…
just hold my hand, holding your hand will make me feel more connected to you. just hold my hand and tell me we are going to be ok, that we will get through this depression, that it wont always hurt so much, just please hold my hand, dr. barry?
i’m too scared to ask her, i’m afraid she might say no.
then i could be crushed completely.
I am depressed. It started earlier this week. Yesterday I stayed out of college, and we stayed in bed for the day. This is not good. I know its depression though. We just had no interest in doing anything. We got up once because our home help was coming over to help us cook dinner. Other than that we were just in bed sleeping.
We see dr. barry today. I will mention it to her.
Yesterday our dad went back to his doctor for some results of biopsies. The biopsies were clear but the doctor said that he still may have cancer, it could be just a different form of cancer. He is due to go back to the bowel specialist on the 27th, to talk about the operation he has to have to have the leesion removed from his rectum.
The doctor said yesterday that they may operate one of two ways, either through his rectum or else go through his stomach, either way part of his bowel may have to be removed, and he may have to have a stoma bag for the rest of his life.
This news hit us hard. We thought he was going to be ok. I think this is adding to our depression.
Also Eileen is going on vacation now for a week. This brings up all sorts of feelings for us as well. We are trying to be ok but we are really not ok at all.
Hi it’s Taylor. I have another at night. I am sad and scared and lonely. I need a friend. Is anybody there. Can somebody please talk to me? I miss Eileen already, she not gone on vacation yet but she going very soon. I don’t want her to go. I wish she could stay here instead of going. I wish I was going on vacation. I want to go back to Florida, Disney World, I liked it there. I very scared right now. My head hurts and my heart hurts. I be thinking about bad things, that makes me sad. I don’t like memories. I don’t want to remember. I really need a friend so please talk to me.bye for now.
Taylor bye for now.
Tonight I want to introduce you to a blog friend of mine who is also blind and who struggles with mental illness. Her name is rayette. She lives in Illinois, and for this post I asked her a few questions which she kindly answered for me. Here are her answers. Also please check out her blog to find out more about her!
1 what got you into blogging?
I wanted to get into blogging to tell my story and inspire others.
2 what is your blog all aboutt?
My blog is about blindness and my struggles with dissociative identity disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, borderline personality disorder and major depressive disorder.
3 what are you passionate about in life?
I’m passionate about helping others through their struggles, and I’m also passionate about music, swimming, and books.
4 if you could meet anyone who would you choose and why?
If I could meet anyone in the world, it would be Natalie Grant because I love her music.
5 tell us a little bit about you?
I’m 23 and totally blind. I live with dissociative identity disorder, borderline personality disorder, post traumatic stress disorder and major depressive disorder. I love books, swimming and singing. I have a youtube channel as well. It’s at Blind Mental Health Support.
Rayettes blog is here