The 12 days of psychotherapy

The 12 Days of Psychotherapy
A new Christmas carol for our time

Verse 1

On the first day of therapy, my therapist gave to me

some insight in-to my psyche.

Verse 2

On the second day of therapy, my therapist gave to me

Two cups of tea,

And some insight in-to my psyche.

Verse 3

On the third day of therapy, my therapist gave to me

Three mm-hms,

Two cups of tea,

And some insight in-to my psyche.

Verse 4

On the fourth day of therapy, my therapist gave to me

Four treatment goals,

Three mm-hms,

Two cups of tea,

And some insight in-to my psyche.

Verse 5

On the fifth day of therapy, my therapist gave to me

UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD,

Four treatment goals,

Three mm-hms,

Two cups of tea,

And some insight in-to my psyche.

Verse 6

On the sixth day of therapy, my therapist gave to me

Six good reflections,

UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD,

Four treatment goals,

Three mm-hms,

Two cups of tea,

And some insight in-to my psyche.

Verse 7

On the seventh day of therapy, my therapist gave to me

Seven short assessments,

Six good reflections,

UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD,

Four treatment goals,

Three mm-hms,

Two cups of tea,

And some insight in-to my psyche.

Verse 8

On the eighth day of therapy, my therapist gave to me

Eight million Kleenex,

Seven short assessments,

Six good reflections,

UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD,

Four treatment goals,

Three mm-hms,

Two cups of tea,

And some insight in-to my psyche.

Verse 9

On the ninth day of therapy, my therapist gave to me

Nine labeled feelings,

Eight million Kleenex,

Seven short assessments,

Six good reflections,

UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD,

Four treatment goals,

Three mm-hms,

Two cups of tea,

And some insight in-to my psyche.

Verse 10

On the tenth day of therapy, my therapist gave to me

Ten new perspectives,

Nine labeled feelings,

Eight million Kleenex,

Seven short assessments,

Six good reflections,

UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD,

Four treatment goals,

Three mm-hms,

Two cups of tea,

And some insight in-to my psyche.

Verse 11

On the eleventh day of therapy, my therapist gave to me

Eleven ways of coping,

Ten new perspectives,

Nine labeled feelings,

Eight million Kleenex,

Seven short assessments,

Six good reflections,

UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD,

Four treatment goals,

Three mm-hms,

Two cups of tea,

And some insight in-to my psyche.

Verse 12

On the twelfth day of therapy, my therapist gave to me

Twelve probing questions,

Eleven ways of coping,

Ten new perspectives,

Nine labeled feelings,

Eight million Kleenex,

Seven short assessments,

Six good reflections,

UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD,

Four treatment goals,

Three mm-hms,

Two cups of tea,

And some insight in-to my psyche.

Bonus verse

On the thirteenth day of Christmas, my therapist gave to me

an invoice for the preceding 12 sessions, with a polite request to remit payment upon receipt.

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Thursday Therapy session

Therapy yesterday was intense. I knew it would be though. I had talked to Eileen a couple times during the week, both on the phone and we’d also emailed back and forth.
We started off doing some EMDR. We did an exercise where we brought up a safe place. Eileen said it could be a place I liked to go, or a place I thought I’d feel safe in, but it shouldnt be a place associated with a lot of memories. So I decided to pretend I was on a beach. So we worked with the beach image and went through a whole scene while using the pulsers. At the end she had me think of a word that would conjure up the image of this safe place. I said freedom, because imagining myself there made me feel free, light, and it also made me feel happy and joyous. So she told me whenever I think of freedom that I could go there, and I did not have to wait until I was stressed or overwhelmed, that I should practice it as much as I could because each time I bring the image up and imagine my safe place I will reinforce it.
After the EMDR we talked about college, and managing the did and ptsd symptoms. I told Eileen how I did not do well in large crowds, and busy areas and that cant really be avoided in college. But I have found myself running out of the building more often lately. Just to get away from everything and be on my own and have some space to think. I find it hard to ask the staff for support too when my symptoms get more severe. I need to try to do better about that. Eileen asked me if my not being able to see was partly the problem too. Because in a large crowd I have no clue whats going on, for example. I have no gage on facial expressions, on whose doing what etc. I said it probably was partly an issue too but the PTSD and did stuff seems to be more intense over the last 3 to 4 weeks. I told her how some insiders were active now who hadnt been before. She agreed that this is causing a shift in the system, things are changing but she said thats not a bad thing. I agreed with her on that.
We talked about dissociation. She said she’s all for dissociation when its helping a person to survive. And that she thinks if we hadnt dissociated and split into other parts that we probably would not have survived, that dissociation helped us to survive unimaginable things. But now the war is over and we have survived, its time to break that dissociation down, break through the walls little by little. She said we will do it slowly over time so as not to flood the system and trigger us so much that we cant function or manage. I trust her that she knows what she is doing so I agreed that we could work more on that.
Liz and Jasmine both wanted time but there wasnt enough time to give them both some session time because I had so much I needed to work on. They werent too happy but Eileen said she would make time next week for both of them but that the stuff I was working on was important too in order that we would be able to function over the next week, which is stressful because of an upcoming exam and a project that is due.
At the end of the session we talked about holidays over christmas, she is taking two weeks off but she said that she’d see us next week on Thursday and then the following week which is the week of christmas she said she’d see us on either Tuesday or Wednesday. I’m glad of that because it wont seem like such a long break then.

I’m having Trouble with two people online and I need feedback

So I had two members on my did email list who are causing major trouble for me now online. Basically these two live together they are partners, both of them have did.
Well one of their alters was causing discomfort on the did list to other list members, being inappropriate and initiating physical contact without asking first and it made some people feel unsafe. So I removed them both a few days ago. I private emailed them about their removal but they said I didnt, but I certainly did.
Well just a few minutes ago I recieved two very threatening emails from both of them. Copies of which I will put below.
Ok here is what steves alter wrote to me.
This is Caiden you are dealing with now, not angel. You, by doing what
you have done, have hurt the children in both Steve’s and London’s
systems. You owe both of them an apology and an automatic renewal for
both lists. Otherwise, I expose your unfair treatment of those with
systems across the Internet. there are already those who believe your
system is not real. what if I were to begin doing research into whether
or not they are correct on that score?

You are guilty of emotionally scarring i do not even know how many
children now. And if Steve’s and London’s systems are damaged in any
way thanks to this, I will hold you responsible, and mayhap even take
legal action against you. add them back to the list, unless you wish to
have some enormously complicated legal problems on your hands.
end of his email
What do you think of that? It is stressing me out. I have kept it and will report him to the police if I have to or to their ISP or to my mental health team if needs be.
Londons alters email follows
This is lusion, and Mallory.

You’re dealing with a very angry Aussie who is very protective, and a
very angry, cold woman as well.
You have hurt Steve and London’s systems greatly by doing this. Some of
the children in here are afraid to talk to anyone now.
You have broken their trust with just about any adult they come into
contact with for the first time, now. I hope you’re bloody happy.
We watched some of your videos, yes we did. How would certain alters be
able to make videos and you know about it? Also, some of them sound
exactly the same. our voices are all different: different accents, word
delivery, speed of speech, everything. We have had this confirmed on the
outside as well as London has asked Steve how some of us sounded to him.
So, how do you answer that?
You will readd London and steve back to the lists, or we will expose
your supposed system to all systems we now online. ones you may not know.
Mate, it’s Mallory, what you did was not very nice! You hurt the lot of
us, and you are proving yourself to be a fair weather friend. good when
it’s good for ya to be, and run away when it isn’t.
I do not like people like you. London and Steve are very hurt as well as
the hosts. They felt included. they felt wanted, needed. They no longer
feel that way now. Several people on the list said, oh we will always be
here. Be here my ass.
They did what they could to offer support, and you just turn them away.
You’re just like bloody hospitals. They turn you away when they don’t
know what to do with you. London feels like she isn’t even good enough
for others with systems themselves.
Those people who unsubscribed did a good thing. They saved themselves
hurt later.
why did you not approach them privately mte? Why did you just
automatically remove them without a fair say? That is not being fair.
but i guess you are not about fairness, are you.
Also, the way you reacted to a child’s posting? Very cold, very
inconsiderate and certainly not in a way someone who supposedly has a
system with littles inside should know how to react
Mallory and lusion
end of email
Again more of the same. And saying we are not real and they will expose us and stuff. What bullshit. I dont want to have to deal with this shit. It irks me and pisses me off. I am a little bit freaked out to say the least. What would you do in this instance? Should I be worried? Would you be if it was you in my position? I’m trying to look at it from their side too that they have their own issues going on and are unstable and stuff but god its so hard!
Please your feedback on this issue is welcome.

One more thing down

I did my presentation this morning. It was part of the team work module. There was four of us in my group. I thought it went well. We presented on the irish guide dogs. I was doing the services they offer for my part. I didnt use powerpoint or any visual aid. I was just going from memory. My class mates gave me a lot of lovely feedback afterwords, asking me how I remembered everything, saying my memory was really good etc. That I was confident too which was nice. I was a little nervous, but not overly so. I did however just want it over with if I am honest. I came in an hour early to have one last look over my information and I am glad I did that. Our presentation lasted 25 minutes and then we filled out a self assessment afterwords. I enjoyed doing the assessment. It gave me an opportunity to critique myself and also focus in on what I did well. Only one more thing to do now for the module and that is to write a 1000 word reflective assignment on how we worked as a team. I have part of that done already so I just need to finish it this weekend. I’m on track with it though so I am not gonna worry about it. I have to say I will be glad when the module is finished. There was a lot of work to be done for it and I just hope I get a good overall grade on it.

Hard day yesterday but talked to eileen and saw dr barry and felt better

Yesterday was so hard. We spent most of the day so overwhelmed and upset. In the morning we became very triggered and it went downhill from there. Eileen texted us because jasmine had left a message for her the day before, so she texted and when I got the text I replied saying I felt like i was falling apart and couldnt cope. She texted back asking if I was able to talk, and luckily I was on lunch so was able to take a call. So she rang me and we talked for about 20 minutes. I told her I wasnt sure what was causing the overwhelm, but it was probably a combo of things, stress of college, time of the year, certain insiders having a hard time, etc. She told me to try to hang in and that we’d work on all of it when we saw each other which will be today. I felt much calmer and more able to go on with my day after talking to her. In the afternoon yesterday I had my mock excel exam. I somehow managed to get through that but I was very stressed out. Even my reader who was reading the instructions said to me that I looked like I was not really there, then at 3 Pm I said to my instructor I had to leave because I was about to have a full on panic attack. So I left to go see Dr Barry. My appointment with Dr Barry was a good one. We ended up talking about the time of year, and the disclosures of abuse that this time of year reminds us of. I ended up crying and telling Dr Barry how I still feel so hurt by my moms lack of emotional response to me. That I feel like I cant talk to her about my feelings and things. Dr barry was very sympathetic and told me that she understood. Then I told her about doing things on purpose that would illicit a motherly response from herself or Eileen. She said I was very honest and that its ok that I do that, that I just want to be cared for and feel cared about. The majority of our appointment was spent talking about that stuff, we also talked about college, sleep, and stress responses to trauma etc. I felt much better after our appointment. I went home, ate dinner, and crashed for the evening. I was super tired and managed to sleep well last night. This morning I feel much better and more ready to face the day which is good as I have a presentation to give this morning in college.
[tags Doctor, Psychiatrist, Mental illness, Trauma, Coping, Symptoms, Sleep, Did, Dissociative identity disorder, PTSD, Therapist, Therapy, Psychotherapy[

100 days of happiness, D4

Today I got to have a very open and honest conversation with my psychiatrist. I love it when we are able to discuss stuff on such a deep level. It makes our report and relationship stronger and even better than it already is. I love having such an understanding psychiatrist.

Just had to go through the fire drill!

Ok, I just have had to go through a fire drill. Mass panic! It went off, and everyone shot out of the room. Nitro did well considering he’s never heard the fire alarm before and so when it went off he did not panic which was good. By him being calm it helped me to stay calm too. I followed my instructor out of the building and then one of my class came over and we both got underneath her jacket because I’d walked out without mine and its freezing cold outside! Thank god it wasnt a real fire. But I dont like the fire alarm and going through the drills. It unnerves me. Glad its over now and I can get back to my regular class and stuff.