Yesterday we also saw dr. barry. Our apt went well. Dr. Barry was sick with a cold, she’s always getting sick with coughs or colds. She said she blames her kids for that lol. Anyway, we talked about respite and I filled her in on how my week went there. I told her about the independent living skills course and that I’d applied to do it. I told her my mom wasnt too enthusiastic about it but that she hadnt given a reason. After talking about that we talked a little about therapy this week. And about Eileen’s upcoming holiday. Dr. Barry said we could get extra support from her while eileen was away. I was so thankful of that. Then I told her I had something to tell her. I keep getting dizzy every time I go from sitting to standing, or when I get out of bed, or bed over and stand back up. I get light headed and feel like I’m about to fall over. I havent actually fallen over but I’ve come very close. And with me living alone I’m very worried about it. Dr. Barry said its called posteral hypertention. She said its probably my lyrica thats causing my blood pressure to drop. She said she’d reduce my morning dose from 150 mg to 75 mg to see if that makes a difference. She also wants to refer me for a 24 hour blood pressure monitor. She’s going to talk to my gp about it. I love that dr. Barry is a general doctor too, because it means I can talk to her about medical stuff thats going on with me. It was a good appointment though and I go back next wednesday to see her again.
I saw my OT mark this morning. we talked first about courses. i’d been considering my options for college courses. he had gotten me info on the courses i’d been looking into which were mostly childcare courses, and some short courses for leisure interest. we discussed the different courses, prices of them etc. then i told him about the independent living course that I was told about last week at respite. he knew about that course but didnt realise you could do a referal from outside the agency. the leisure courses were things like dream enterpretation, mindfulness, meditation, intro to criminology etc. they are just 10 week courses one evening a week. then there is also the addictions course substance use in youth and community work that I am thinking about doing. so its not like i dont have options. i have plenty its just deciding now what is right for me. we talked about how full time education mostly stresses me out, and one of the childcare courses runs a part time day course, four afternoons a week 1 to 5 pm. then the independent living course you can do that part time too if you want. so yeah part time i’ll definitely be considering. after discussing all the college courses we went on to talk about getting equipment for my house. i asked him if he knew of any funding schemes that would pay for adaptive technology. most stuff over here for blind people like things to help you around the house and stuff is really expensive. he didnt know of any grants available but he said he had a colleague who knew more about this sort of stuff and he’d be willing to talk to her before we meet again. i said i’d look on the website I use and get a costing for some items and email him on the quote. we also talked about him doing a referral to a community OT so they can do a risk assessment for safety in our home. he said if he referred us the wait could be very long but if our gp referred us it might be less. basically they want to see that our house passes all the safety standards you know for me not falling when I’m home alone etc.mostly my house is disability friendly but there could be a few things that the OT might be able to recommend for me so he’ll look into referring me. It was a good appointment. I always forget that Mark isnt on dr. Barrys team at all, that he is only seeing me because he worked with me before I had dr. Barry as my psychiatrist. He works on the locked unit as their OT. I’m so lucky he kept me as a client and he’s such a good OT so good at his job. We meet again on June 14th.
Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.
What is the one thing that really helps to distract you when you are feeling very emotional or triggered?
hi its emily
this week in therapy i got to talk to eileen. i told her about what allie had written last week about wanting a forever mom. eileen was so kind about it, she was real nice to us and asked me emily, who do you see me as? first i wouldnt tell her. i got scared. but then i said will you promise not to get mad? and she promised. so i told her. i see you as our mom, even though i know you arent and cant ever be. i cant help it. we all see you in that way. then i started to cry. the longing for a forever mom was just so painful. our bio mom is never going to accept the alters. she is never going to be there for us kids. even eileen said so. eileen said she sees an adult and so treats you like an adult. your craving what you never had as a child. what you never got. your needs were never met. of course it is understandable you want me to be your mom. im glad she understood. it hurts though that she cant be our forever mom. it hurts so much. the pain is excruciating. i told her its like someone is squeezing my heart. its a crushing feeling inside my chest. she said that was a very good way of describing it. i kept dissociating on her and she kept asking me to come back to her and come back to the room. sometimes thats hard to do! it was a good session though. i think we will probably have to talk some more about all this when she gets back from her holiday.
I am working really hard at losing weight. I want to shed the pounds so badly!
I have made a new blog just for talking about weight loss related issues, like recipes, counting calories, emotional eating, coping while on a nutrition plan, how much I weigh, stats etc.
Please come join me over at
I’d be so grateful as I could use all the encouragement I can get!