it’s knowing how hard life can be
and knowing before the age of three
its being rejected before you can speak
and living by it week by week
no hugs, no tickles, no high fives
nothing to show you exist, your alive
you cant be stirred from your bed
you are trying to get the nighttmare out of your head
when your engulfed in a memory
and you simply cant see
that its now not then
and you are safe
no one will hurt you again
when the pain overflows
and it has nowhere to go
your tears fall like rain
and you think you’ll go insane
then you reach out your hand
pat your dog
that right there is love
love and security
and so you can see
that it is 2017
you are safe
in another time and in another place
inclued spending time with my niece and nephew. always such a joy. my niece lauren is 9, my nephew davin is 4, and they are the cutest little monkeys ever. they light up my world every single day. i cant imagine not seeing them and if i dont see them for a day or two i miss it. i have a friend who barely sees her nieces and nephews, her family just dont make the effort to come visiting and as much as she tries to she is quite limited in what she can do, and i think its so sad that she has to miss out on such joy because children are so amazing and always bring a smile! anyway back to today. my sister phoned mom this morning, she was extremely ill with a stomach bug. had vomiting and diarrhea all night last night, was up all night couldnt sleep for obvious reasons, and so had to miss work. felt very sorry for herself and generally very crappy. we were supposed to go out today, well i wasnt, mom and my sister were going to go to a historic jail in the city, because the kids hadnt ever seen it. so mom decided that she’d take the kids and laura could rest for the day, sleep if she needed to to regain her strength. so her partner davin (he’s also called davin) dropped them over to moms house. and off they went. it was so funny listening to mom recount how davin had been terrified and held on to her hand the whole time, afraid i’d say that he’d be left in the jail cells. she said there was a cilluette of a ghost, and it really scared him, poor kid. he excitedly told me all about it when they got home. mom brought home pizza and we all had that even me. gone was my healthy eating for today instead i splurged on pizza and fanta orange. it was delicious. i dont get weighed in until tuesday so alls good i can figure out all that tomorrow. after dinner we all went in the garden and played with nitro, watching him play fetch with the kids was another of my happy moments, he loves the kids and they love him. thankfully my sister is feeling a lot better this evening, so as usual she’ll be coming over tomorrow to mom and dads house for sunday dinner.
ok so my mom is really awesome, even though she said I was a whiner a little bit ago. she just did something lovely for me. i told her my back really hurts, and after giving me a painkiller she asked me if I’d like a hot water bottle to put on my back to ease the pain and so i said yes to that and she went and made me one. then she brought me extra pillows so now i am sitting up on the bed with two pillows at my back and a hot water bottle too. the heat is really helping my muscles to relax and i am hoping they will be less tensed up with the hot water bottle surrounding that area. mom said that if its not gone by monday that i should take the vivamo i have at home, they were from the last visit to my gp, he gave me vivamo to take the inflamation down and i have about 5 left so can take those. i am going away next weekend to killarney in co. kerry and i dont want this to be an issue during my trip or it will be spoiled. so i will do all i can to get rid of this pain before then.
1/4 cup whipping cream
2 tablespoons Grand Marnier liqueur
6 ounces sweet chocolate, broken up
4 tablespoons sweet butter, softened
Boil cream in small heavy pan until reduced to 2 tablespoons. Remove from heat. Stir in liqueur and chocolate. Return to low heat. Stir until chocolate melts. Whisk in softened butter. When mixture is smooth, pour into a shallow bowl. Refrigerate until firm, about 1 hour. Scoop chocolate up with a teaspoon. Shape into 1 inch balls. Roll the truffle balls in the unsweetened cocoa. Use a cool working area. Store truffles, covered, in the refrigerator. Let truffles stand at room temperature for 30 minutes before serving.
If you don’t mind using liqueur, there are many types of spirits you can use in this recipe for different flavors. In place of the Grand Marnier, try kahlua, Framboise, or Amaretto liqueurs.
Makes 20 truffles.
my back is really sore and painful today. i think i’ve pulled it. probably from all the exercising i’ve been doing. when i bend forward it hurts. when i am sitting if i sit a certain way or try to straighten out my legs too far it hurts. getting out of bed hurts too. its a sort of shooting pain. not pleasant. i’ve taken a strong pain killer for the pain. hopefully that will work. i hope it doesnt make me go to sleep. i was going to drink a cup of coffee to make sure i didnt fall asleep but mom said that it probably wouldnt be a good idea to drink coffee and take painkillers as well. so i’m having tea instead. the pain has been there for 3 days, but i ignored it until today. its my lower back thats effected. i’m hoping its just a muscular thing and it will come right on its own given a day or two resting. i am not good with pain, i dont tolerate it well. i’d never be a good chronic pain patient. i’m just a very bad patient. my mom says i am a moan and a whiner. i’m like thanks very much i love you too. lol. i’m just gonna try to ignore it and do other stuff for the evening and hope it settles down soon.
I AM ANGRY. I AM ANGRY AT THE MAN WHO TOOK SO MUCH FROM ME IN MY CHILDHOOD.
AT HIM WONT MAKE HIM SEE WHAT HE HAS DONE. HE DOESNT CARE. THATS HARD TO SWALLOW. HE IS A THIEF, ROBBING ME OF MY INNOCENCE.
AT HIM, PENETRATING HIS SOUL WITH MY ANGER WONT DO ME ANY GOOD. I WONT HEAL, AND HE WILL STILL WIN.
I WILL NOT CHOOSE TO STAY ANGRY. I WILL NOT CHOOSE
INSTEAD I CHOOSE TO HEAL