in a vulnerable space

i feel so triggered right now. my head is full. my mind is whirling. my body aches. i am hurting. i need someone or something, a hug maybe? I need reassurances. I think I will email eileen. I did last night. I doubt she’s seen it yet though. thats ok. i cant cry and i really need to. my anxiety is through the roof. i cant pinpoint just one thing thats making me anxious, i think there are a couple of things making me anxious. i can get through this. if anyone is around i’d appreciate some reassurances. life can be so hard sometimes.


quote of the day May 5th 2016

Every day we live is a priceless gift of God, loaded with possibilities to learn something new, to gain fresh insights into His great truths.
Dale Evans Rogers

up all night

I barely slept. Went to bed around midnight but spent an hour on facebook on my phone and could not sleep due to coughing and sniffling. This cold has me feeling miserable. I dont know how I got it but its awful. Facebook is so addictive. Does anyone else find that they go on and before you know it an hour has passed? I woke up after about 3 hours of sleep. I woke up feeling emotional and in a kind of triggered state. Not sure why that is. I was thinking about dr. barry before I went to sleep. I didnt dream tonight. At least I dont think I did. I’ll stay awake now. Have to leave at 8 AM for college and now its almost 6 AM.

no junior doc means no appointment

so dr. barrys on holiday for a week. thats hard but i am coping. somehow.
today i was meant to see xuliana, one of the junior doctors who used to work on dr. barrys team. she no longer works on her team, but this week she was supposed to be helping out at the clinic. i was supposed to ring at lunch time today to make sure she’d be there and could see me. and that is what i did, and i was told that yes she was due to be there. so i prepared myself as much as i could and after college got a taxi and went straight to the clinic.
and guess what?
yes, you’ve guessed it, no xuliana. she wasnt there. she never showed up, probably she got tied up in the secure unit, as that is where she works now. so i didnt get to see her as was planned.
it didnt really matter that i’d gone all the way from college to the clinic though as i had to get my xeplion injection so i had to be there anyway. i got my injection and all is fine with that for another 3 weeks.
on my way out to wait for my taxi home, i met mark, my OT. i told him i hadnt seen a doctor today. he asked if i was ok and told me if i need anything over the next two days to phone him and we could talk. that was kind of him i think.
i had a feeling xuliana would not show up though. dr. barry had warned me last week that there may be a possibility that she may not be there, something to do with them being short doctors or something.
i’m coping relatively well with dr. barry being on vacation. i miss her and wish i could have seen her today as i normally would. the little insiders are sad and disappointed that she is not here. i feel an intense neediness every so often and when that happens i just try to do something to distract myself until it passes. my attachment issues are definitely kicking in full force.
still, i am managing, and there is something to be said for that. i think dr. barry would be proud of me. i am proud of me.

jokes for the littles and anyone else who likes funnies

i send these to the blog cuz i think theyre funy and i like jokes and i hope someone else will like them too.
ericka i am 8

What did the spider do on the computer? It made a website!

What did the computer do at lunch time? It had a byte!

What does a baby computer call his father? Data!

Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open!

What do you get when you cross a computer and a lifeguard? A screensaver!