More change. New PA

so there is more change on the horizon for me. now that I will be starting the independent living course soon, actually I am starting on October 23rd, I found out today. but well because I will be living there from Monday to Friday of each week, I will have to get a new PA. Kristen cant work in the evenings, and she doesn’t work weekends. Today I rang Anna the person in charge of the PA service. I told her my dilemma and asked her if she could get me someone on the weekends. She was honest and said they were finding it very hard to get people to work the weekend shifts. So then I said if she could get me someone for Friday evenings I’d be happy with that. She said she’d send out an email to all of the PAS and get back to me. So heres hoping. I hate losing Kristen. Me and her get on so well. She is a great PA. I’ve worked with her for almost 2 years. That’s a long time in the grand scheme of things. She said that we’d stayin touch though. And that I need to do what I need to do to better my life. Still its hard to lose her when I’ve become close to her. Hoping the new PA will work out. I cant handle much more change, so hopefully this is the last of it.

Change is hard

i’m a little stressed out right now. i guess all this change has caught up to me. so much change. and i am not good with change.

first of all i’ve started with the new cpn sarah. she has already spoken to dr. barry. last week i spoke to sarah about the hard week i’d been having. yesterday i find out she told dr. barry everything. i dont know how i feel about that. i did not realise our sessions werent confidential.

part of me feels relieved that she did speak to dr. barry. but part of me is like, i dont want her to tell her everything i say to her. i know dr. barry is my consultant. and she needs to know how I am doing. I guess I just thought some things would be confidential. After all that is how you build a relationship with someone.

I think though with the mental health team, they all write everything into your chart. So say when i see sarah or mark the OT or the social worker, they write a note in my chart for dr. barry telling her what we’ve been discussing and working on. At least that is what I think happens.

I’m a bit miffed it has to be this way. It feels like everything I say or do is scrutinized. I hate that.

Then there is the did assessment. Its happening soon. Its not an assessment for diagnosing did, thats already been done 7 years ago. But rather an assessment to see where we are going with treatment going forward.

I am nervous. What if they say I can only be treated for so many years. What then. I doubt they will but the worry is still there. These are the did experts, after all. What they say will have a major impact on how dr. barry works with me in the future.

She will take her guidance from them. She will do what they suggest. Eileen reassured me on Monday she isnt going anywhere. That she will be here for us for as long as we need. That it is and will be our choice when we finish therapy. But what if it isnt? What if the funders wont pay for therapy for more than a couple of years. What then?

Its hard to think about. It makes me incredibly stressed just thinking about it.

With my new college course, and the independent living skills course there is also a lot of changes going on with the structure of my days. I will not be able to spend as much time in the basement club as I have been doing. I am afraid of losing that community. Technically I wont, because technically once your a member then your a member for life. I know I can always go back. But when you have been out of the loop for a while it can be daunting to go back again.

I wont be able to go to the basement club once th eindependent living skills course starts. I wont have time. I’ll literally be doing the course from 9 AM until 5 PM every day. There wont be much time for anything because outside of that I’ll have to do my college work for the addiction studies course. I’ll be lucky to be able to keep up with blogs, email and facebook. I hope I will as these are all very important to me.

So yeah a lot of change going on. I just hope I’ll be able to cope with all of it.

Dr. barry says I am fiercely independent

we saw dr barry today. we had a good apt. we chatted and I told her the news about me getting on the independent living skills course. I told her my mom was trying to put obstacles in my way, she wondered why mom was trying to do this.
Is it because she is afraid of losing you?
I am not sure, I said. I dont think so. But its hard to tell really.
Your relationship has grown so much over the last couple of years. Maybe she is fearful of that changing.
Yes, maybe. She did come around eventually to the idea of me doing the course which is good.
Me to dr. barry… I need to do this. I really do. I’m not that independent…
Your fiercely independent! She said. That made me smile.
She believes in me. She sees my determination to do things on my own.
We talked about the did assessment. The funders are almost ready to go ahead with it. The lady whose in charge of funding rang dr. barry. Dr. barry wasnt able to take her call so she is going to ring her back on friday.
She said it looks like it will go ahead soon.
She will have news next week for me.
She’s also going to phone eileen and have a discussion with her about it.
I asked her what exactly she wants out of this reassessment. Guidance, she said. I want to know how the experts are treating did.
I also want to see if there are pharmalogical things regarding your meds that they can suggest.
So its really happening, and soon!

Doing creative activities

yesterday there were a few creative groups happening at the basement club. i decided to go to them. one was a knitting and crochet group. i cant crochet but I can knit. i decided to knit a scarf. th e group went on for an hour. it was a really nice space where we just sat and chatted as we either knitted or crocheted.
then in the afternoon there was an art space, where you could do any type of art and craft you wanted, there was relaxing music, and people did whatever they wanted, it was just a really nice relaxing space to create. i made a neckalace by threading beads onto wire. it was lovely and turned out really good.
i enjoyed creating and think I will like these groups.

your Definition of addiction

so I’m wondering…

How would you define addiction?

I mean if you had to come up with your own definition of it.

This is a question we were asked last night during class.

I am curious as to what peoples answers are on it.

College went great

well the first night went great! I was so exhausted afterwords that I came home and fell into bed!

We had intros to the two modules we’d be covering. Community development, and substance use and misuse.

We did some ice breaker games, to get to know one another. That was cool. We had to introduce one another and give two statements about ourselves, one which was true and one which was false. Then the class had to guess which was was true or false.

We got our assignment briefs. There are a lot of assignments. For the community development module, we have a community development project, and a community profile, and a group project. For the substance use and misuse module we have a book review, a reflective journal, a case study.

All of the assignments are about 2000 words in length each. So we’ll be kept very busy.

The tutor who teaches the substance use and misuse part of the course is a psychotherapy and works in the field of addiction. He’s really experienced. I think we’ll learn a lot from him.

I enjoyed the first night though. At least four people in my class are in recovery from drug or alcohol addiction. It was interesting to hear them speak. To look at things from an addicts perspective.

I think this course is going to be great. I am looking forward to the weeks ahead.

Good news. I am starting an independent living skills course

so this morning i got some good news. i had applied to do an independent living skills course at abode, the place I go to for respite. I was on a waiting list to get on the course. There was issues with me commuting, they had said that a room would not be available for me to stay there for the week from monday to friday, and that I’d have to commute in and out on public transport. but then this morning clodagh emailed me and she said a room became available and did I want to take up the place. I was shocked. i really wanted to do this. But I had to think long and hard about it. Because it basically means me going to abode on Monday morning after therapy, and staying until Friday of each week, then going home on Friday evening until Monday morning. The course is for 18 months but she said its pretty much up to me, i can go at my own pace and so i might take less time to do it or I might take the whole 18 months, but that part is up to me. well i thought about it long and hard. And I decided to take up the place. I will pay 70 euro per week, but for that i get accomodation, food, support of staff, nursing staff etc, so thats really good. things we will learn on the course, how to cook, household chores, personal effectiveness and personal development, health and fitness, self care, advocacy, budgeting and money management, etc. I am so excited to start. I totally was not expecting this today. I can still do my addictions studies course because that course is in the evening. So I am very happy. We have some paperwork to sort out but I should be starting within a few days.
carol anne