And you never will. Always remember that, fuckers.
last night i finished the book called a shattered mind. this book is about a woman who has did and suffered horrendous childhood abuse at the hands of her father and brothers and her fathers friends. i read the audio book and it was an abridged version. i found it to be a good book despite the fact there was a lot of references to religion in it and I am not very religious myself. she had really good tips for living and coping with did though at the end of the book. the book was in chapters with each chapter telling about a part of her life. so for instance one chapter told about her family, one about her falling in love etc. she was abused from age 3 to age 16. at 16 she became pregnant by her father and was sent to a home for unwed mothers. she had her baby and had to give him up for adoption when he was six months old. after that she finished high school and went to college. in high school she took a class to be a nurses aid. she went on to study nursing later and was a nurse throughout her adult life. at college she met her husband robert, they married and had two girls Lori and Christy. she managed to raise her kids successfully despite having did. when the girls were young her did hadnt been diagnosed. she worked different jobs when the girls were young, all of them nursing related jobs. it later emerged when she was diagnosed with did that her alter George was her work personality and held down her jobs for her. her marriage went through some rocky patches when the girls were young but they stayed together. eventually she was diagnosed with did and started intensive therapy. she also had brain surgery in the early 80’s and took a while to recover from that. the first therapist she saw for intensive therapy helped her but said she might have experienced sra, but she isnt sure if she did, she thinks that therapist may have suggested some of her memories during therapy. she managed to get free of her and find someone else later on in her life who did EMDR and life span integration therapy. it was only then that her life improved significantly and that she was able to discover all of her different alters, both fully formed and fragments. she has over 100 alters. the book also details a suicide attempt that she had which was very serious, she took two bottles of pills and almost died. if it hadnt been for her daughter Lori calling 911 she probably would have died. she was angry with lori at the time but actually it wasnt her who was angry, an alter who just didnt want to be alive any more. i liked the book and found it to be very interesting. she has good advice for newly diagnosed people and i found her story to be inspirational and encouraging and uplifting. despite all she’s been through she’s come out on the other side and seems strong and loves life. her message to other people with did is that you are not alone and you can triumph over adversity. i recommend the book if you have did and are a survivor or if you are a loved one of someone with did or a clinician treating someone with did.
i had a hectic day today. this morning i went to a workshop at the basement club. it was a womens health and wellbeing workshop. i liked it and found it interesting. but this weird thing happened. the teacher who was teaching it, i knew her. years ago, like 15 years ago we did a course together. i instantly remembered her as soon as she came into the room and spoke. she remembered me too. still it didnt change anything but it was just weird to reconnect again after so long. we talked a lot about different things all to do with womens health, physical, emotional, mental, and we also talked about society and womens role in society. a lot of intense discussion came from that. the workshop lasted 2 hours. at the end we each got a small gift of some nail polish, hand cream, and a nice card with a saying on it. it was a nice way to spend a saturday morning. in the afternoon my sister did my hair. she cut it and put a color in it. i’ve decided that when this color wares off i am going to liven up my hair. i want to maybe put red or pink or purple streaks in it. my sister says i will have to bleach it blonde first because the bright colors wont take on very dark hair. i’m willing to sit through that. she also said the colors dont last very long onnly a couple of weeks before you have to redo it again. thats ok with me too. i was glad to get my hair cut because there were straggly bits and now it looks nice again. my sister cooked dinner for all of us too today. i had gotten the ingredients to make a chicken stir fry. it was so yummy. my dad didnt like it because of the seasoning she put on it but the rest of us ate it and loved it. after dinner i went to my friend Normas house. Norma is blind and also has some mental health issues too. my sister dropped me over to save me getting a taxi and spending more money. that was nice of her. i spent a couple hours there which was nice. norma doesnt have too many friends and i think thats sad. she doesnt go out much so doesnt get to socialise a lot with too many people. i’m staying at my parents tonight. i just got back to their house about half an hour ago and got a surprise, my nephew was here and he’s spending the night which is really unusual because he’s such a mamas boy that usually he cant bare to be without her. tomorrow my sisters coming for dinner and then i am gonna help her with her college work. she needs stuff typed up and i said i’d do that for her. i hope it wont take hours but i’ve already said i’d do it so i guess i will even if it does take a long time. right now my energy is depleted. but i’ve had a pretty ok day.
I did it, I reach my goal. I went to my nutritionist yesterday. I lost 6 pounds in the first week. I’m so proud of myself. It wasn’t easy but I managed to do it. It really is all about eating healthily and exercising. I honestly couldn’t believe it when she said I’d lost 6 pounds. I set some new goals for myself for next week, drink more water and exercise for 10 minutes in the morning and in the evening at least four times in the week. I’m so proud of myself, it just goes to show when I set my mind to something I can do anything, I posted about my weight loss on Facebook and got loads of comments that were really supportive.
The adventure of life is to learn. The purpose of life is to grow. The nature of life is to change. The challenge of life is to overcome. The essence of life is to care. The opportunity of life is to serve. The secret of life is to dare. The spice of life is to befriend. The beauty of life is to give.
William Arthur Ward
god its friday already. where did the week go?
i have so much to do today. i will be seeing karen o my nutritionist at 9 AM. she is going to weigh me. i weighed myself when i joined slimming world on monday but i dont know, i dont really trust my weighing scales all that much. every time i’ve weighed myself recently on it it says i am up but i dont know how that can be because i have really cut back on what i am eating. i did slip up once this week and ate some chocolate but that was only once and it wasnt that much chocolate. i hope when i see karen that i’ll have lost some weight. i got weighed at the doctors on monday and was 104 kgs then. i’ll be depressed if i havent lost any.
after i see karen i am going to go to the basement club. there is this meeting on there today something about evaluating the centre and making some changes to how things work. they’ve asked as many members as is possible to go along. thats not happening until 1 PM but i’ll spend the morning there and just hang out with the members and chat.
My OT mark got back to me yesterday and wants to meet me next wendesday at 8:15 AM to talk about going back to school. he knows how i feel, that part of me doesnt want to go back at all but part of me does. he has said we can discuss it and trash some ideas out and see what becomes of it. its good we’ll meet on wednesday because that is when i see dr barry and I have to get my xeplion injection then too. actually thats another thing i need to do today is pick up my meds. i’d forgotten about that.
my pa is coming today at 3 for four hours. i need to go grocery shopping with her. i have lots of groceries to buy because since I’ve started on the slimming world diet I need to buy ingredients to make certain dishes, like chilli, cottage pie, spaghetti bolognese etc. i’m going to be really organised and make things in advance. i have a lot of spices to buy also but I am going to buy them in aldi because they are half the price in there. as well as grocery shopping I need to clean my house, do my ironing, collect meds, go to the bank link to get money out, so I have a lot to do. I also need to fit in having something to eat too somewhere in that time frame.
I am thinking about staying in my parents house tonight. I am going to a womens wellbeing work shop on saturday that the basement club are running for a couple hours. its my pas birthday on saturday as well. i got invited to her party but i dont know if i’ll go, probably i wont. its hard to go to a party when you dont know anyone there and it will probably be all of her family members. i have a present for her though and a card which i will give her today. the present is perfume, sunkissed glow by J lo.
So I have some exciting news. Watch my video blog to find out. 🙂