Today I choose…

Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain… To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices, today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.
Kevyn Aucoin

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sadness calls

i am feeling so sad right now. not sure why. it just came over me all of a sudden. i hate when that happens. out of nowhere, like that. and its building in intensity. i am trying to concentrate on doing my college work. it isnt helping though. i didnt eat any lunch. i just didnt feel up to eating. it felt like it was too much of an effort. i was going to go for a walk to try to clear my head. its a nice day, a walk might help. but i dont feel like doing that, either. sigh. just hate this sadness thats pressing and threatening to crush me.

4 fun facts thingy!

Four names people call me other than my real name?
ok well…people shorten our bodys name shirley to shir, or shirl, then my partner calls me carol anne munchy, and sometimes she calls me babe.

Four jobs that I have had?
Thats hard. I’ve never worked a real job. Others I’ve had? Been on the bord of directors for a local mental health charity, fundraised for guide dogs, baby sat my niece and nephew, thats 3 and that will have to do.

Four movies that I have watched more than once?
i now pronounce you chuck and larry, its hilarious

annie, its a classic

the harry potter movies

the twilight movies

Four books or authors Id recommend?
cathy glass, her books are amazing

rosie lewis, similar author to cathy glass

shane dunphy, another amazing author

torey hayden

Four places I have lived?
I’ve only lived in two places, dublin, and cork

Four places I have visited?
new york, paris, florida, chicago

Four things Id rather be doing right now?
Sleeping
Be at the beach
singing

shopping

Four foods I do not like?
green beans

tomatos

potato salad

coleslaw

Four of my favorite foods?
chilli

spaghetti bolognes

lasagna

fried chicken

Four shows I watch?
big bang theory

britains got talent

x factor

2 and ahalf men

Four things I am looking forward to this year?
summer

having some time off of college

spending time with family during the summer

working even if it is work experience

Four things I am always saying?
whatever!

omg, seriously?

no kidding!

what a fucktard!

i am scared

its alicia. and i am scared. i dont like night time. i hate the dark. when its night time i start to think about stuff. bad stuff. like what if someone broke in to our house. or what if bad people are outside. or what if i have nightmares. i hate it. i am not on my own tonight. we are at our parents house still. but they are asleep in bed. i cant wake them up if i need to. that would be wrong. plus they dont know me. or see me. so i am alone. its lonely.

Weekend update

i had a pretty ok weekend, nothing new really to report. i did have one thing that scared me. on saturday morning at around 5:30 AM a group of guys and girls in their 20’s banged on my front door, kept ringing the doorbell etc. i think they’d come from a party, and got the wrong house, because eventually they went to a house a few doors up from where I live. I got such a fright that I rang my next door neighbour, she spent a couple of minutes looking out the window at them trying to see what they were doing. i had been dead asleep when they came to the door, so was woken out of a deep sleep. it was very scary.
Other than that, my PA came on saturday, i went and got groceries, went to pick up my prescriptions, and we did some things around the house, housework, and then she dropped me to my parents house.
I spent the rest of my weekend taking it easy, reading, watching tv, and preparing for my week. This week my therapist Eileen returns from vacation, I’ll see her on Tuesday morning. I also have an exam on Friday of this week, so I need to spend some time preparing for that, too.

Book review-the girl who couldnt smile by shane dunphy

i just finished an amazing book. it is by author shane dunphy. shane is an irish child protection worker. he has written many books about his life and they contain stories about the children and families whom he has worked with. this book is about his time as an early years worker in a creche for children with special needs, it starts out with him working in an adult setting, a unit for adults with intelectual disabilities. his boss encourages him to go to work in a creche he has opened, he wants him to become the manager there. before all this, at the start of the book, he rescues a little girl from falling into a lake, her name is tammy. when he starts working in the creche, he is surprised to learn that tammy is one of the children there. when he initially starts in the creche, there is disorder and chaos, the children are violent, run a muck, and are generally uncooperative and misbehave a lot. a lot of the book focuses on tammy, but throughout the book the different childrens stories are told. in the creche there is roofus, a gypsy child who is severely neglected, milandra who is an very angry child, julie who has downs syndrome, mitzie who is obese, amongst others. shane does his best to help all of them. his friend, lonnie, who suffers from dwarfism, and who was his colleague when he worked in the adult setting, comes to work in little scamps too. lonnie has a real way with the kids, and builds up trust with them and a great rapport. shane is jealous of how good lonnie is with the kids, and he starts to resent him. he talks to his boss about this and his boss tells him to stick with it, and he does and he works through his feelings. shane and the other staff do many activities with the kids throughout the year. tammy remains a mystery though, she does not talk, but it is clear she is smart. her parents drink a lot and do drugs. shane talks to the public health nurse who had contact with tammy as a baby, a social worker who helped the family, and the last creche teacher where tammy was before she got moved to little scamps. tammy is 3 but can read at a level of a much older child. eventually they have her tested and it is found that she is gifted. when shane tells her parents dale her dad doesnt believe him. that night tammy runs off and dale and shane go after her. she runs into waste land near where they live and runs and runs and finally ends up getting stuck in mud and she screams help help and her dad and shane are so surprised that she finally talked, when they rescue her she says that she doesnt want to leave little scamps, and begs her dad and shane not to make her leave. other things happen in the book with some of the other children but i wont spoil it by telling what actually happens. i think this book is fabulous and I’d highly recommend it to everyone. i’m not sure what year it was written in but i think it was fairly recently. its a really good book though for social workers, early years workers, or anyone who likes reading about special needs children, disability, memoirs and true life stories.