Sleepless night

Yet another sleepless night. I really need to get the prescription that Dr Barry gave me. Unfortunately I wont be able to get it now until probably Friday at this point. Its just annoying that at 4 AM I am still awake. When the world is asleep, or at least the people in my part of the world are asleep. Today is therapy day. I think we have to talk about a lot today. I’m not sure how to start. But I know we have to talk about RA stuff, and cult stuff. I am nervous. But I am always nervous when I have to discuss heavy stuff or memories. It never gets any easier even though I trust Eileen implicitly. I tell her more than I tell anyone else, well besides dr barry. The two of them are the people I tell most things to. So I shouldnt be scared, but it still feels scary. Like my thoughts are jumping all around, I am thinking what if I say this or that and eileen thinks I am nuts or thinks I am horrible and disgusting and awful for the things I had to do? Its nuts. I hate when my mind whirls and spins and wont give me a break. I am going to the gym this morning. Maybe pounding the treadmill will let me release some of my pent up stress. I am gonna put on my earphones and crank my music up loud and exercise like a maniac lol.