Scared feelings

I feel scared. I don’t like the sound of the wind outside. I put the radio on so I don’t have to hear it. Nigel is lying next to me in bed. I like to cuddle up next to him. He is warm and I like to listen to him breathing. I love my dog. I wish be scared feelings would go away. At least it’s morning no I am glad about that. My phone just said Nigel instead of nitro. That is because I am dictating. It doesn’t always get it right. I love my iPhone. You can do so much with the iPhone. We can even read kindle books with their iPhone. And we can even watch TV on our iPhone. It’s great. Well I better go and try to get some sleep for an hour to. We have a busy day ahead.

Ali

Well I better go and try to get some sleep for an hour to. We have a busy day ahead.
Ali

saturday blog random thoughts

i havent slept tonight. i couldnt go to sleep. the weather outside is awful. its pouring rain and very windy. it kept me awake. so then when i couldnt sleep i decided to listen to music. i love music. i have an ap on my phone called jango radio. its like pandora only better. i had apple music but i forgot to pay last month so it was canceled. its almost 6 AM now so i might as well stay up. my pa is coming at 9 AM. its her last day with me as she is moving to a new permanent job in a hospital as a health care assistant. i will be sad to see he r leave. she is a kind caring person and we got on extremely well. we worked together for the last 18 months and we have become extremely close. she wants to keep in touch when she leaves. i hope she will and that she isnt just saying it. i really hope she follows through. i know with her new job she might become busy and plans to meet up for coffee or lunch will go out the window. i got her a leaving present and a nice thank you card. i wrote some nice messages inside the card. she is a very sentimental person so i know she will appreciate that. i need to go grocery shopping this morning. i got my mom to write me a list so i dont overspend. i have a habit of overspending if i am not careful. i am going to ask my pa if she wants to go for a coffee while we are shopping. i feel like going to costa coffee this morning. i would love to go to starbux but there is no starbux where i am going. yesterday friday i went to the basement club for the day. i got there at 11 AM and i stayed till 4. i enjoyed being there and spent a long time chatting to some of the members and we had community catch up too which was good. community catch up is where we talk about what is going on in the community for the past week. you can find out a lot of very useful information. it was my first time going to community catch up and i was glad i went. afterwords i went to my parents for dinner. mom made a chicken curry and it was delicious. i was starving as i hadnt had any lunch. i ate all around me and then felt like a pig lol. my sister was there with the kids. she ended up dropping me home which i was glad about as it saved me some money. i’m going to stay at my parents tonight. i mostly always stay on saturday nights. i dont have the weekend team this weekend. dr. barry asked me if i wanted them but i said no. i am trying to see how i do without their support. i had them for the past 3 weekends and i dont want to become overly dependent on them. dr. barry was surprised when i said i didnt want them to phone me this weekend. she kept asking me if i was sure. i am looking forward to x factor on tv tonight. its a highlight of my wekend. seriously this wind and rain needs to die off. i hate having to go out in windy weather. i always lose my sense of direction in the wind. we were supposed to get a lot of rain over a 24 hour period. so i think we are not over the worst of it yet.

FLASHING BACK…

IN PANIC I SIT
I AM SO AFRAID
DREAD FILLS MY SOUL
MEMORIES SWIRL
AROUND AND AROUND
THEY THREATEN TO TEAR ME APART
MY HEART ACHES
FOR THAT LITTLE GIRL
WHO HAD NO CHOICE
INNOCENCE TAKEN
SHE WAS DESTROYED BEFORE SHE EVEN TURNED 6
HAD TO GROW UP FAST
WAY TOO FAST
NO HAPPY CHILDHOOD
MISUNDERSTOOD
MEMORIES DANCE
MY HEAD SPINS
I THINK ABOUT THINGS
WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN
SHOULD HAVE BEEN
WOULD HAVE BEEN
IF THINGS WERE DIFFERENT
IF ONLY…
I BEG SLEEP TO COME
AND THE MEMORIES TO FADE
MAYBE SOME DAY…
THEY WILL
SOME DAY…

Values

i value a lot of things. unfortunately i dont often think too hard about my values. so this post is going to be about the things i value.
i value friendship. my friends are very important to me.
i value honesty, i try to be honest in all of my relationships and i expect the same in return.#
i value sincerity and realness. i value integrity.
i value the right to choose what is best for me and dont like to follow the crowd.
i value family time and i also value building connections and keeping them.