So You Wanna Be Bipolar? Here’s a handy dandy Checklist!

Bipolar First Bipolar Together

.

.

This is for fun guys

We are pretending that we need to hire people to be Bipolar!

See just a game. NO ONE wants to be Bipolar

To be clear.  No Bipolar would answer true to any of these statements either. This is humor. Designed to convey the suckiness that is Bipolar.  No one is supposed to take away that we actually do this stuff on purpose.  But if a normie liked all this shit than they should trade places with one of us.

.

.

Thank you for your interest in becoming Bipolar. Before we proceed you need to complete this short questionnaire.

These are true or false statements.  Please answer “true”, “false”, or “Are you fucking kidding me?” to each item.

You need to be able to answer “true” to at least 300 of them in order to qualify for the next phase of the program.

View original post 1,449 more words

Not wanting to die but also not wanting to live?

I dont want to die but I dont want to live either. I hate my mind right now. Everything feels so pointless. Feeling like I dont matter and my life isnt worth anything. After all I am just an alter, hardly anyone knows me in real life. My therapist is the only one, along with some online friends. I cant live for them, but I dont want to live for me either. There is no motivation to keep on going or trying. Ending it all seems inviting right now. Just feel so lost and alone.

Jasmine

Meeting today with the college psychologist and our OT mark

Today I met with fiona and mark. It was a really productive meeting that lasted about an hour. Fiona asked me about my needs, and I told her how much I was struggling lately with intense ptsd symptoms. She asked me if she should talk to the staff, and I said I thought it might help. I told her how I had a hard time asking for support from staff. One example was the other day the fire drill went off, that triggered us to no end. I told her how that I felt the staff could have handled things better, they could have guided me out of the building for example, since Nitro didnt know the way and I had nobody else to rely on to get me safely out of the building. She said the staff probably werent even thinking about that. She said she’d tell them to check in more with me if they see that I am struggling. I suppose sometimes they dont really know…its not always apparent. She said she’d also talk to Eileen if I felt that would help. I said it might, but that I wanted to ask Eileen her thoughts on that first. So she said I could get back to her on that. She said my IAP is in January, an IAP stands for an individual action plan. We have one every 3 months to set goals and things. This will be my first one since I started last september. We talked a little about it and she told me how it would go, who’d be there and stuff like that. It will be me, fiona, one of my instructors and the manager of the college. She said Mark can be there if I want him to be which I do. I think his support has been invaluable to me. He’s been there every step of the way since I started. Mostly our discussion was around triggers, and training needs and she is going to feed back all that to the rest of the team. We set another date for early January. At that meeting we’re going to talk more about the IAP and trash things out surrounding that. I like that we get to meet monthly, it really helps and its nice to be able to feed back things to her and then she’ll feed them back to the rest of the staff so that I dont have to.

The 12 days of psychotherapy

The 12 Days of Psychotherapy
A new Christmas carol for our time

Verse 1

On the first day of therapy, my therapist gave to me

some insight in-to my psyche.

Verse 2

On the second day of therapy, my therapist gave to me

Two cups of tea,

And some insight in-to my psyche.

Verse 3

On the third day of therapy, my therapist gave to me

Three mm-hms,

Two cups of tea,

And some insight in-to my psyche.

Verse 4

On the fourth day of therapy, my therapist gave to me

Four treatment goals,

Three mm-hms,

Two cups of tea,

And some insight in-to my psyche.

Verse 5

On the fifth day of therapy, my therapist gave to me

UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD,

Four treatment goals,

Three mm-hms,

Two cups of tea,

And some insight in-to my psyche.

Verse 6

On the sixth day of therapy, my therapist gave to me

Six good reflections,

UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD,

Four treatment goals,

Three mm-hms,

Two cups of tea,

And some insight in-to my psyche.

Verse 7

On the seventh day of therapy, my therapist gave to me

Seven short assessments,

Six good reflections,

UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD,

Four treatment goals,

Three mm-hms,

Two cups of tea,

And some insight in-to my psyche.

Verse 8

On the eighth day of therapy, my therapist gave to me

Eight million Kleenex,

Seven short assessments,

Six good reflections,

UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD,

Four treatment goals,

Three mm-hms,

Two cups of tea,

And some insight in-to my psyche.

Verse 9

On the ninth day of therapy, my therapist gave to me

Nine labeled feelings,

Eight million Kleenex,

Seven short assessments,

Six good reflections,

UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD,

Four treatment goals,

Three mm-hms,

Two cups of tea,

And some insight in-to my psyche.

Verse 10

On the tenth day of therapy, my therapist gave to me

Ten new perspectives,

Nine labeled feelings,

Eight million Kleenex,

Seven short assessments,

Six good reflections,

UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD,

Four treatment goals,

Three mm-hms,

Two cups of tea,

And some insight in-to my psyche.

Verse 11

On the eleventh day of therapy, my therapist gave to me

Eleven ways of coping,

Ten new perspectives,

Nine labeled feelings,

Eight million Kleenex,

Seven short assessments,

Six good reflections,

UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD,

Four treatment goals,

Three mm-hms,

Two cups of tea,

And some insight in-to my psyche.

Verse 12

On the twelfth day of therapy, my therapist gave to me

Twelve probing questions,

Eleven ways of coping,

Ten new perspectives,

Nine labeled feelings,

Eight million Kleenex,

Seven short assessments,

Six good reflections,

UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD,

Four treatment goals,

Three mm-hms,

Two cups of tea,

And some insight in-to my psyche.

Bonus verse

On the thirteenth day of Christmas, my therapist gave to me

an invoice for the preceding 12 sessions, with a polite request to remit payment upon receipt.

Thursday Therapy session

Therapy yesterday was intense. I knew it would be though. I had talked to Eileen a couple times during the week, both on the phone and we’d also emailed back and forth.
We started off doing some EMDR. We did an exercise where we brought up a safe place. Eileen said it could be a place I liked to go, or a place I thought I’d feel safe in, but it shouldnt be a place associated with a lot of memories. So I decided to pretend I was on a beach. So we worked with the beach image and went through a whole scene while using the pulsers. At the end she had me think of a word that would conjure up the image of this safe place. I said freedom, because imagining myself there made me feel free, light, and it also made me feel happy and joyous. So she told me whenever I think of freedom that I could go there, and I did not have to wait until I was stressed or overwhelmed, that I should practice it as much as I could because each time I bring the image up and imagine my safe place I will reinforce it.
After the EMDR we talked about college, and managing the did and ptsd symptoms. I told Eileen how I did not do well in large crowds, and busy areas and that cant really be avoided in college. But I have found myself running out of the building more often lately. Just to get away from everything and be on my own and have some space to think. I find it hard to ask the staff for support too when my symptoms get more severe. I need to try to do better about that. Eileen asked me if my not being able to see was partly the problem too. Because in a large crowd I have no clue whats going on, for example. I have no gage on facial expressions, on whose doing what etc. I said it probably was partly an issue too but the PTSD and did stuff seems to be more intense over the last 3 to 4 weeks. I told her how some insiders were active now who hadnt been before. She agreed that this is causing a shift in the system, things are changing but she said thats not a bad thing. I agreed with her on that.
We talked about dissociation. She said she’s all for dissociation when its helping a person to survive. And that she thinks if we hadnt dissociated and split into other parts that we probably would not have survived, that dissociation helped us to survive unimaginable things. But now the war is over and we have survived, its time to break that dissociation down, break through the walls little by little. She said we will do it slowly over time so as not to flood the system and trigger us so much that we cant function or manage. I trust her that she knows what she is doing so I agreed that we could work more on that.
Liz and Jasmine both wanted time but there wasnt enough time to give them both some session time because I had so much I needed to work on. They werent too happy but Eileen said she would make time next week for both of them but that the stuff I was working on was important too in order that we would be able to function over the next week, which is stressful because of an upcoming exam and a project that is due.
At the end of the session we talked about holidays over christmas, she is taking two weeks off but she said that she’d see us next week on Thursday and then the following week which is the week of christmas she said she’d see us on either Tuesday or Wednesday. I’m glad of that because it wont seem like such a long break then.