Gratitude for saturday

decided after reading another bloggers post that I need to do a gratitude post for today. so here it is.

i am grateful for my family. sometimes they drive me nuts but they are caring and would do absolutely anything for me. they love me and thats what matters.

i am grateful for my niece and nephew. they entertain me and i love the sound of their laughter. they fill me with joy.

i am grateful for nitro. he is my constant companion and my best friend. his love and loyalty knows no bounds.

i am grateful for the basement club. its nice to have somewhere where i can go where i will be accepted and my mental illness is not stigmatised or going to be a problem.

i am grateful for a competent mental health team. they encourage me and keep me going through the tough times.

Last couple of days

so the last few days have been super busy! first off mom was sick. her COPD was acting up. she’s been taking steroids and an antibiotic but she still isnt feeling 100 percent. last night we thought she’d have to go to the ER but she sat and relaxed and was feeling better in about an hour so she avoided going which was good because who likes the ER? i knew she didnt want to go and i was kind of bugging her to go get seen but in the end it was fine. i was just worried because her breathing attacks can be severe sometimes. on the other hand my dads bowel problem is getting worse. he has leesions on his bowel. he has been complaining of pain in that area, and a burning sensation. he recently saw the consultant who wants to do another colonoskopy and he’s waiting to go in for that once he recieves a letter. meanwhile he’s taking lots of laxatives and is alternating between being constipated which is really the blockage stopping him from going, and going a lot from taking the laxatives. its a worry having both parents sick. so what have i been up to over the last couple of days? well i didnt do my volunteering yesterday because the basement club was closed early due to staff shortages. i missed it and would have liked to change my hours around so that i could have done my allotted hours for this week but i couldnt find a time to do the hours so i only did two hours today. i’m preparing to be on the interviewing panel on monday, thats the panel which is interviewing for a new staff member. i’m looking forward to being part of the panel. i feel like its an honour to have gotten chosen. it was my nephews birthday on wednesday. he was four. his party is tomorrow though. its in a playzone so yeah it will be about 15 screaming kids lol. other than that its going to be a quiet weekend. i’m at my parents house have been here since yesterday. i think this weekend i will just watch x factor and read, still trying to figure out what book i want to read next. happy that its friday and feeling in a very good mood. long may it last.

Wednesdays dr. barry apt

saw dr. barry yesterday. it was a good appointment.
we talked about therapy and the recent phone check in we had. i told her about trying to get my records back, and how i was going to, but now I’ve changed my mind and dont want them. She thinks I’m doing the right thing, that it would probably not be such a good idea and would probably make me very unstable to see what is in those records.
I told her I’d been working on sitting with my feelings, feelings of being ok, having gotten through halloween, and how I was having difficulty with that. How I just cant seem to sit with the feelings. I told her how I hadnt ever really discussed it in therapy before or with anyone at all for that matter. She said it was a massive breakthrough and she think it is huge. She said since our recent challenging conversation, remember the one a few weeks ago where she felt like I was on a different page to her? Well she said she feels like our relationship has shifted since that conversation. She said she cant put her finger on it and doesnt know what the right word for it is but that its a good thing. She said we are doing really well and she was proud of us. That was good to hear from her but also made me feel slightly embarrassed and uncomfortable. She said she realised that it was hard for me to hear that and that she understood but she just wanted to validate that things havent been easy for us lately and how well we’re managing things.
We had to cut the appointment short because she got a phone call, her child minder was ill so she had to ring around to find someone to pick her kids up from school. I didnt mind having to cut it short, she hardly ever does that so it was ok.

Book review-The girl with no bedroom door, by Angela Hart

i just finished this book. its a short story so it didnt take very long to read it. i read it on kindle.
this book tells louise’s story. louise was 14 when she came to angela and jonathon. She had been sleeping rough and her previous foster placement had broken down. when she arrived she was dressed in clothes that werent clean, she was smelly, and didnt take good care of her physical appearance. She had very low self esteem. On her first evening angela asked her if she wanted to help her cook. She did, but she said she couldnt cook, she was rubbish at it. Angela quickly realised she had a lot of work to do with Louise to build up her confidence and self esteem. Angela had tried to make louise go for a shower on her first night, but she only pretended to shower. the next morning angela went to collect louise’s washing. she noticed a very bad smell coming from her room. when she pulled back the duvet she noticed louise had wet the bed. this wetting of her bed went on for months, despite angelas best efforts to talk to louise and try to get her not to cover it up. she showed louise where the clean sheets were and told her that she could get clean sheets any time, and tried to make her not cover up the fact that she was wetting her bed. but to no avail. eventually louise began to take care of her physical appearance, after angela took her shopping and bought her new underwear and pajamas and things. she told angela she’d never had new clothes before. she eventually began to open up to angela. she wrote her a note because she said it would be easier to tell her things that way. angela read the note on her own, because that is what louise wanted. the note explained that as a baby louise had become very ill, and her dad had left her mom. her mom had turned to drink and was not able to cope. she began to go out with lots of boyfriends and with each boyfriend she had another baby. so that soon she had six kids. louise said she was frightened of her moms boyfriends, some of them were mean and scary and horrible to her and her siblings. one of them smashed the bedroom door and used it to make a fire. when louise would wet the bed her moms boyfriend would push the sheets in her face and her mom would tell her she was dirty and disgusting. she began to think she was worthless. pretty soon she had no self worth and no self esteem at all. angela was determined that she would help louise. so she got her help with school lessons like biology and french. louise worked very hard and really enjoyed the lessons. the more she achieved the more she wanted to achieve. angela also enroled her in trampolining. louise loved that. then as a reward for no bedwetting for a month she took her to get her hair done and her nails done at a top salon. at the end of the book we see that louise is doing very well. she moved on from angelas to main stream foster care, angelas placement was a specialised teen placement. when she was in main stream foster care it didnt go quite as well as when she was with angela. but she kept in touch with angela and to this day they are in touch. louise is in her 30’s now and married and has a top position at a law firm. she never had kids of her own and doesnt want any. she enjoys spending time with her many nieces and nephews. at the time she was in foster care her siblings were also taken into care after she disclosed to angela what was going on at home. i think the book was good and i would recommend it to anyone who enjoys foster care memoirs.