so its 2:30 am. i am wide awake. tonight was very traumatic on the ward. a girl had to have an injection and be sedated which wasnt pleasant to hear or for the other patients to have to look at. i was feeling suicidal and weak and cried all night. in fact most of the day i’ve been upset and crying. it hasnt been the best of days. i did have a visitor, my pa came and that was nice. but anyway. the reason i am writing this is that this nurse, M, she is amazing. she is the nicest nurse in this hospital. she knows eileen and they’ve worked together in the past. she has been here for as long as i’ve been coming as an inpatient. thats about 10 years now. anyway tonight i was very upset and couldnt sleep. so i went out and we started talking. about did. she asked lots of questions. this nurse would know a lot of our insiders. they trust her and arent afraid to come out around her. anyway she asked me if i had any writings explaining about did and what it is. i told her yes i have a do’s and donts list relating to dissociation. so she asked me to grab it and she’d print it out. so i did. then i also grabbed another piece of writing i had which i’d written for mental health professionals. she printed that too and said she’d read both of them tonight. and that she’d ask the other staff who are on duty to read them too. she brought me behind the nurses desk and sat me down and we talked for a very long time about all sorts of things. like family, home life, did, things about did like what caused my did, switching, college, managing at home, just all sorta things. and i felt such a huge connection to her. the other staff went to the other side of the ward to give us some privacy which was nice. when we’d finished and i was going back to bed she said she’d make me a cup of tea. and she gave me a huge hug. and she said goodnight my pets, meaning all of us were pets. lol that was cute. the tea is nice and is making me feel warm and i am not feeling too bad now. the flashbacks have ceased a little bit for now thank god.