I’d love to get more followers. Reach more viewers, with this little blog. I am not the best at doing things to gain followers though.
If anyone would like to reblog this post for me, so that I may reach more people that would be awesome. I’d really appreciate it.
A little background, just in case anyone new is reading…
I am Carol anne from ireland. I have did dissociative identity disorder and ptsd. I blog about my therapy process, my psychiatrist appointments, and many other random bits and pieces about daily life.
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Or please reblog this so that more people will see it.
So I know I mentioned here that Dr Barry was on holidays this week. And I was supposed to be seeing her junior doctor, xuliana. So today was the day I was meant to be seeing her. So I left my house at 3 PM and got there for about 10 past. Sat down and waited. Five minutes passed and a male doctor came and called me. I asked him where Xuliana was, because I was meant to be seeing her. He said there was a crisis and she was caught up in something and couldnt see me. So then I had to see him. We went into dr Barrys office and he told me he was Dr Walsh, and he was a consultant and was standing in for Dr Barry this week. Then he started asking me about my blindness. How long was I blind? Did I have any sight at all? Yada yada you know how it goes. After I told him I was premature then he was all like how prematurity can cause blindness. I was like hell are you an eye doctor or a psychiatrist! Then his phone rang and he said he had to take it. I presume it was something to do with the crisis that Xuliana was caught up in. So he goes off out of the room and starts talking on the phone. And I am sitting there going why the hell did I come at all! Finally he comes back and we talk. For all of five minutes. He asked me what my diagnosis was and I told him I had did and ptsd. Then he’s like oh, and how many personalities are there? I didnt want to totally freak him out so I said about 50, but there are way more than that. He was like 50? Thats a lot. And then he was like so how are you, how have things been? So I didnt want to really get into stuff so I just swaid this week was difficult because this month is hard for us and I left it at that. I told him I was seeing Eileen and that I see Dr Barry weekly. He said seeing a psychotherapist was probably a good idea. Then he said there isnt much I can do. I was like no kidding, lol. I wasnt expecting him to do anything. I was going to ask him to refer me to the weekend service but then I decided against it. I’ll be at my mom and dads house for the majority of the weekend anyway so there really is no need. I thought to myself though, thank god I dont have this man as my doctor because I’d go nuts. I know he doesnt really know me and maybe he’d be ok if he did but I dunno he seemed pretty clueless to me. Somehow we got on to how long I’d been diagnosed with did, and so I ended up telling him about my unofficial diagnosis and then how I got my official diagnosis in 2010. He kept asking stupid questions like which persona goes to college. Eventually I said to him that actually he wasnt talking to shirley and that I carol anne was the personality who was most dominant and that I go to the appointments with Dr Barry weekly but that she will talk to anyone who has something to say. Then he was all like oh I see, well Dr Barry knows you well, she’s very clever. I felt like saying yeah dude way cleverer than you are. But I was a good girl and patient and kept my mouth shut. LoL. Eventually he said we had to finish up because he had to deal with the crisis, so off I went. I did ask him to walk me as far as the front desk which he did but he seemed so preoccupied with this crisis, whatever it was. Plus another thing he was doing was texting while I was talking. That fucking irked me and I felt like saying could you stop fucking texting while I am trying to talk? But again I said nothing. He was so inattentive though. I’m just glad its over now but it really was pretty pointless and I feel I wasted my time going. I also wasted my money on taxi’s. I’ll be mentioning all this to Dr Barry next week. I’ll definitely be glad when she’s back.
so in therapy this week we made a safety contract. its not just because of halloween, we made it for our overall general safety. after last weeks session, when we talked about our safety, we had a bit of a reality check. we realised as a system just how much we havent worked on safety. the thought of having to move out of our own home, and live with others, losing our independence really kicked us into high gear about it.
So we worked on it yesterday. We all had a big meeting inside, I chaired it and Eileen helped us facilitate it. It ended up being a really productive meeting. We talked about things like intercepting emails from people from our past, and other things that we could do, such as making sure doors are locked, the house alarm is on, etc. We decided to allow 3 system members to monitor the incoming emails, we’ll all read and make sure that no suspicious emails get through. We made sure the ones reading the emails werent going to be triggered by doing that. We’re also going to set up email rules where certain emails, with certain words in them go directly to our trash folder. We also set up a system where no littles under 13 are allowed to open our front door. We’d never had that rule before, where as we probably should have. Eileen made the point that in a family the adults always open the door, not the kids. So now we’ve put that rule in place it should be easier and better for the whole system. Eileen wrote up all the things we were going to change or do during our session and then she typed it out and sent it to us. We feel much better now that we’ve done this. Maybe now our safety will be less of an issue going forward.
Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.
Day 8: Share something you struggle with
I struggle a lot with intense flashbacks. This is due to the fact I was abused. I live with the aftermath of that abuse in the form of PTSD. The flashbacks are hard to deal with. They can literally come at any time, day or night. Sometimes when they come they debilitate me. They make my life a living hell.
When will I be free to just be me?
When will I be able to live without fear?
When will I be able to go through a day without being or feeling triggered?
When will I feel less alone?
When will I feel less broken?
When will I allow myself to be loved for who I am?
Day 7: List 10 songs you are loving right now
1 all about that base megan traynor
2 cheerleader OMI
3 blank space taylor swift
4 fucking perfect pink
5 shake it off taylor swift
6 future husband megan traynor
7 thinking out loud ed sheeran
8 photograph ed sheeran
9 uptown func bruno mars
10 blow me one last kiss pink