12:30 AM rambles

Sleep isn’t coming! I’ve laid down, and tried to close my eyes. But every time I do, they fly back open again. It is as if I am scared to sleep. Not sure if that is the reason but it kinda feels as if it is. Its 12:30 AM now. I don’t know if I’m going to get any sleep. But if I can’t sleep I’ll read, or I’ll watch a show. I’m not bored. And tomorrow is sunday, so there is nothing to do except relax. Mom is making a stew for dinner, which I am looking forward to. I think I’ll go downstairs to make a mug of tea. I feel like tea may help, I know, I know, it is caffeine, and so it might keep me up, but honestly? I’ve drank tea before and then fallen asleep, so I doubt it is going to keep me up. I’m still feeling dissociated. It is less pronounced now, but it’s still sorta there. I am not feeling as weird as I have felt earlier tonight though so that is good. I think I’ll be able to concentrate on a book now. I wasn’t able to do that an hour ago. So that is progress. My parents neighbours dogs are barking, and keeping me awake too. Sometimes they make a ton of noise, and other times they are super quiet. Ok, I’m going to go make my tea, and then get into my book. Hopefully I can finish it. I only have 1 hour 42 minutes left to finish it.

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

8 thoughts on “12:30 AM rambles”

  1. I understand this feeling. Insomnia for survivors is very layered. When it hits me, mine can be sprinkled with mania. Most often the insomnia is because my mind is full or I haven’t processed something. Sometimes my body is calling me to create. I try and figure out what the insomnia is trying to bring my attention to, does that make sense? Also, focusing on this helped me learn to control dissociation a bit more. I wish you rest OR the creation of something trying to give birth.


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