The latest from here and my mood has dipped

I slept like crap again. I woke up feeling awful. I just don’t know why I feel so bad. I can’t put my finger on it. I am just feeling very off and very emotional. I didn’t even have coffee this morning. I’m far too anxious to drink coffee. I think if I drank it my anxiety would be worse than it already is. My mom and sister came over for an hour. Mom helped me to address some packages and she took them to the post office for me. She also helped me put away laundry and get more on to wash. I need to call the dieticians office. I was meant to have an apt in June, but they never called me with the date and time of the apt. So I need to chase that up. I cannot believe there is a 3 month waiting list to be seen. It is crazy. Ever since the pandemic waiting lists have gone really crazy and it is very hard now to be seen by medical people. In the meantime I plan on working on my eating issues with my CPN Sarah. I will see her tomorrow at noon. We’re going to work on weight loss, healthy food choice, etc. But right now my appetite isn’t there. I don’t want to eat. I feel fat and gross. I hate my body and how I look. I just feel awful about myself. I have food prepared for today, mom brought me spaghetti bolognese but I don’t want to eat it. Maybe I’ll feel different later. But right now I don’t feel at all hungry. I didn’t even eat breakfast. I hope my mood improves. I just feel low and teary. Like I could burst into tears at any second. So yeah! That is fun, not! Well I’m going to go read some email. Catch you all later…

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

14 thoughts on “The latest from here and my mood has dipped”

  1. Don’t fight it. Jump in the shower and cry your heart out.

    If you’re not hungry, don’t eat a huge plate. You need to eat, but you don’t have to eat as you normally would. Set a number. Three to five… whatever pops in your head. You must eat that many mouthfuls. That’s it.

    The first one will cause your body to scream NO before you ever get it to your lips. You’ll be certain you will throw up if you eat it. Breathe it out. Let your brain know you only have to eat X bites. You will be mentally prepared by the time the feeling of disgust at the idea of eating goes away.

    Then eat the first bite. Don’t focus on the food, just how many mouthfuls are left. Chew it better than you’ve ever chewed anything in your life. Take the second bite, still focusing on how many are left. Chew a LOT again. The idea is to keep it in your mouth and let your tastebuds remember what food is. Do this every bite until you hit your number. If that’s all you’re eating, then fine. You ate enough to survive until next time. If you reach your number and want one more, do it.

    The reality is, about half of the time we are way hungrier than we felt and we just had to work through it to get to the “I’m hungry” stage.

    Also, think about asking someone to go get you ensure or something similar. If you’re not eating you still need nutrition. IMHO they taste terrible and I’d rather do the 3-5 bites thing than drink them. But I know a lot of other people that like the way they taste, so you don’t know which you’ll be until
    You just do it.

    As for the rest, give yourself some care. If someone else was feeling the way you are, you wouldn’t tell them to force themselves to do better. Give that same grace to yourself.

    Every tunnel has an exit. Sometimes you just have to drive a while until you get there.


      1. OMG, you unintentionally cracked me up. “I finished what I ate” is not the same thing as “I finished what I made” or “I ate what I could.” I would hope you finished what you ate, otherwise, I’d be forced to assume you ate it in whole chunks without finishing chewing. Sorry, my brain went there.

        And I’m truly glad you ate. We need to do that. It’s a silly habit we all got into, and it’s really hard to break.


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